Husband taking childrens money

[Sj2344]

Hi, my husband keeps taking money out of our childrens money boxes/wallets. Sometimes he puts it back other times he doesn't. I have asked him not to do it but he still does! I'm not sure what to do

Just hide the kids' money, the older ones can do it themselves. If you have some joint savings you can repay what he owes them out of that, if he hasn't done it already.

I'm all for squirrelling away a bit of cash but you don't steal from anyone, especially not your children! I'm surprised he cannot see how appalling that is.

I feel so sad for your family.
The fact he steals so often is like he has as you say a problem with cash.
The only way to stop this is to remove the money, so he can't gets his kick by stealing from his children.

It's just crap that I have to hide it away and say to the kids make sure it's kept out of sight. It's there money. You should be able to leave it out and no one touch it.

It is absolutely stealing. It's also absolutely appalling parenting.

Tell him if he does it again you will be reporting him to the police.

Get them a Go Henry account. I actually think This is pretty awful and I’m fairly chilled but it depends why he is doing it. My husband stood from our 8 year old and spent it in alcohol an that was the final straw for me. He’d stolen from me many times but I couldn’t bear him stealing from the kids and we separated.

I think some parents have a bit of a ‘family pot’ approach and given that everything is paid for kids food, housing, clothes...etc see it as ‘your money is our money and vice verse until you’re old enough to be financially independent’ although this is most common in struggling families just trying to get by. I don’t know your personal circumstances and if this applies.

It’s still not ‘right’ but parents with this mindset don’t often give much thought to the mental/emotional development of children and pre teens needing to develop a sense ownership and independence. They tend to have a very ‘why should you get to buy plastic/electronic crap because you fancy it whilst we spend £50 a week just to feed you?’ mentality.

They will learn from his example, unfortunately.

@Sj2344

We do have money as it's in a joint account, which is our only account, it's like more wants more if that makes sense. He opened a bank account to his parents address and had his mom put money in there on several occasions, I didn't know but found out later. He says he has closed it now

He is haemorrhaging money somewhere.

What does he spend it on? Do you know?

No it isn't, he will take money out the bank and then out the money boxes aswel. He isn't taking it because we have no money

I think he just fritters it. He smokes and I think just wastes it.

@Sj2344

We do have money as it's in a joint account, which is our only account, it's like more wants more if that makes sense. He opened a bank account to his parents address and had his mom put money in there on several occasions, I didn't know but found out later. He says he has closed it now

Does he live with you? How was he able open a bank account at a different address? It's crazy that law abiding people have to go through hoops to prove their address yet thieves are able to do it.

All my kids have a go henry card for all the monry. So all there birthday and Christmas money goes on it plus you can get the app to keep track as well..

@Sj2344

I think he just fritters it. He smokes and I think just wastes it.

That is neither here nor there, he still shouldn't be stealing his children's money. Please do hide it!

Honestly get rid of all the money today.
He is doing it to be spiteful to you and the children.
Stop his nasty little power plays.
It worse with your eldest and denying he did it as it sets them to thinking maybe you or a sibling did it.
What a crap dad

Yes we have lived together for nearly 20 years. He has never lived at the address his parents now live at so I'm not sure how he managed it

[quote themalamander]**@Sj2344
So instead of dealing with the theft taking place, you're going to pay £2.99 per month per child for goHenry?

Seriously? You're spending more money instead of just keeping your kids money boxes safe?[/quote]
I was going to post the same, the answer to a feckless parent shouldn't be for the children to have to spend their own money to keep it safe. Are you aware of the charges @Sj2344, you're throwing more money away for no reason.

My mother did this when my parents split up. It was only when I moved back to the UK to live with my grandparents that I discovered she had taken all the money my father had regularly sent to me. When I asked her about it she told me that morally, she was entitled to any money he sent to our house. This despite the generous divorce settlement she recieved from a relatively short six year marriage.

My mother, although an intelligent and educated woman, was an abusive bully. My father maintains she suffered periods of psychiatric problems. I'm just so grateful to my gran and grandad, and my father.

Please don't show him your thread, nothing good will come out of it and probably a lot of bad.

Your dh is financially abusing you, stashing money with his mum .

I guess there is a lot of backstory, what I feel sad about is that you sound defeated, accepting your lot with this controlling moron. You have been ground down and cling to the few positives you can find.

He is accusing you of wanting to leave
He is stealing from your dc
He is hiding money
He is generally dishonest
He is controlling you

Even if you love him it's not enough in the long run, especially since the abuse is not only on you but extended to your dc.

@Sj2344 do you really want to spend the rest of your one, precious life with this man? And continue to show your children through actions that it's acceptable for people to steal from them, that it's acceptable for relationships to have this dynamic where mums are meant to protect children but dads are allowed to do what they want, including lying and cheating?

What's the rest of your relationship like? I'm assuming this dynamic where he hides things / feels he doesn't have to act as a team with you / he gets final say / can do what he wants etc isnt only the case with money?

The children wouldn't be paying for it, I would. Everyone saying leave or deal with it I need to be ready to do that in my time. At the moment I just want to protect my children

@Sj2344

I have just set up the go Henry for my children. Will this seem a bit babyish for my eldest?

Mine have them and are 16 and 12 and like theirs

Hide it. My partner has a gambling problem so if he sees money lying around he takes it. He took my credit card to gamble months ago. A credit card I don't use so I had no idea that he had lifted cash to gamble.
What does he use it for?

Some of what is said is true, he has his wages paid into our joint account, doesn't say anything about what I spend money on. He opened the account at his parents address and on several occasions asked her to transfer money into it. I don't know what he told her the money was for.

If he steals their money and has previously hidden money from you then you know he's an untrustworthy liar. Not saying you have to leave, but maybe just think about what you can realistically do to make yourself and the children happier.

He's setting the kids up for an awful relationship with money later on.

I honestly think teaching me to save was one of the best things my parents ever did for me

Your kids are learning that there's no point in saving so they may as well spend it the second it arrives, for fear of losing it.