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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband taking childrens money

235 replies

Sj2344 · 28/04/2021 09:41

Hi, my husband keeps taking money out of our childrens money boxes/wallets. Sometimes he puts it back other times he doesn't. I have asked him not to do it but he still does! I'm not sure what to do

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Original poster
Sj2344 · 28/04/2021 10:11

They do have saving accounts for when they are older, this is birthday money, pocket money, money for jobs that they save for if they want to go out with friends or buy something

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Bibidy · 28/04/2021 10:12

I would say open a bank account for the older ones so they can withdraw money themselves when they want it.

With the younger ones, each time they are given money, I would just put a note with the amount in into their money boxes and take the cash yourself. Then when they want to buy something, they can tell you and you can take them to buy it with their money.

Not ideal that you need to do this! But a good solution to stop him taking their money.

Original poster
Sj2344 · 28/04/2021 10:13

I'm just looking at the go Henry, could they use this to buy things on Xbox? He took £20 Last week which he did put back. He took £10 today which was a test on me apparently to see if I was checking up on him

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BurningBright · 28/04/2021 10:13

To take it without asking, even with an intention to pay it back, is not OK.

To take it without asking, even if there is a consistent history of always paying it back without fail, is still not OK.

To take it and not pay it back is theft.

How would he feel/react if one of the children took money from his wallet?

BlueLobelia · 28/04/2021 10:15

It's theft. And the children will always remember that their dad stole from them.

BlueLobelia · 28/04/2021 10:15

@Sj2344

I'm just looking at the go Henry, could they use this to buy things on Xbox? He took £20 Last week which he did put back. He took £10 today which was a test on me apparently to see if I was checking up on him
He;s not demonstrating much integrity, is he?
Original poster
Sj2344 · 28/04/2021 10:16

He never asks, it's is not a few coins, it is notes. I have said it is stealing, he said it isn't. There is some good ideas with the note in the money box, I also didn't realise my eldest could have a bank account with a card.

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Northernsoullover · 28/04/2021 10:16

I always used to borrow from the children if I was short. The difference is I always asked them and always paid it back. Your husband doesn't sound very nice and 80 quid is a lot of money to steal (well, any amount is but you know what I mean)

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 28/04/2021 10:16

If he replaced it then I can’t see an issue. We do this quite a lot tbh if there’s something we need to pay for with cash but we always replace it. I’d keep reminding him to replace it personally. Maybe set them a bank account up instead, my DC have go Henry accounts.

Hockeyboysmum · 28/04/2021 10:16

I use go Henry for my 11 year old and really like it. I have once used his card to buy something when i was short but asked him first and paid it back thw next day.

Oneeyeopen · 28/04/2021 10:16

Take his card out of his wallet and tell you dc to enjoy the contact less limit for the day!
Seriously though your dh needs to stop.

Original poster
Sj2344 · 28/04/2021 10:17

He is not an honest person

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Original poster
Sj2344 · 28/04/2021 10:19

It's wasn't £80 in one go, my son left the money for a while as he was saving for something and when he came to count it 80 was missing, he's never admitted to taking that though

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Original poster
Sj2344 · 28/04/2021 10:20

Sometimes he put it back, other times he doesn't. He still owes my son £30 from his birthday money from years ago (He has had it back as I have gave it him)

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Hoppinggreen · 28/04/2021 10:20

@Sj2344

I'm just looking at the go Henry, could they use this to buy things on Xbox? He took £20 Last week which he did put back. He took £10 today which was a test on me apparently to see if I was checking up on him
Jesus he’s awful Yes he could use their Go Henry cards to buy things on Xbox but are you saying that this excuse for a man steals money from his children to buy Xbox games etc?
DianeCherry · 28/04/2021 10:21

That's horrible and I'm not surprised you're upset, Given your last posts, I'd be questioning why I'm with someone who isn't honest.

OccamsRaiser · 28/04/2021 10:21

Aww, hell no. £80 missing from a kid’s saving when they are saving for something is not just not on.
I’ve been guilty of borrowing and replacing a fiver from time to time when we need to have physical cash, but that is really poor behaviour

JustSaying101 · 28/04/2021 10:21

Get bank account for eldest child that they can access independently. Ensure the card is hidden. What is the money he is taking being spent on?

Keepingitreal14 · 28/04/2021 10:23

Go Henry has a charge and can limit what time of transactions they can make (I’m not sure about Xbox tbh). My daughter 8 has go Henry but my son 14 has a normal account with HSBC. The go Henry has a monthly charge, the HSBC account is free. He has a debit card on a current account and savings account linked (he also has one we have control off until he’s 18 but doesn’t know about that one). He can use internet banking app on his phone to switch money between his savings and current account and check balances etc.

Revolut also do junior account, one account is free with limited amounts (think it’s £40 pm) or if you pay £2.99 a month you can have two children with unlimited balances.

Warsawa31 · 28/04/2021 10:23

In our house all of the money that comes in is managed by the adults - but we wouldn't ever take it from the kids !

What kind of a message does it send if they are being good and saving up for something and their dad just comes in and takes it ?

Doesn't set them up for a balanced outlook towards money or trust does it ?

He obviously thinks it's not a big deal but he isn't looking at the bigger picture is he.

Giantrooster · 28/04/2021 10:23

@Sj2344

He is not an honest person

No apparently not. But stealing or as he probably puts it 'borrowing' from his own dc is NOT ok.

I guess you have your reasons to be with a dishonest person, but please protect your dc. You shouldn't have to hide their money but you have to. And please start taking small amounts from him to cover what he owes his dc.

Bibidy · 28/04/2021 10:24

Yes he could use their Go Henry cards to buy things on Xbox but are you saying that this excuse for a man steals money from his children to buy Xbox games etc

Surely OP is asking whether the children could use it to buy Xbox stuff?

MumW · 28/04/2021 10:26

Get a notebook for each child and keep account. The older DC can learn to do this themselves and you can do it for the younger DC until they are old enough to do it themselves. Maybe get locking cash boxes too so he has to ask for a key.

At least that way, you/they know how much should be there and they can be asked to lend money and write it in theie accounts books.

HelloSunshine11 · 28/04/2021 10:26

This is disgusting behaviour. Get the kids a go henry account each and transfer all their cash on to it. Keep the cards in your purse and lock down the app / don't give your H the PIN for the cards. If it's the kids wanting to use it for xbox purchases that's definitely possible, you can link it in the way you would any other card.

Original poster
Sj2344 · 28/04/2021 10:27

Yes I was asking for the children to buy stuff on there xbox. Last week he took it because he smokes. He had already had money out the bank account but i suppose wanted more

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