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Original poster

Husband taking childrens money

235 replies

Sj2344 · 28/04/2021 09:41

Hi, my husband keeps taking money out of our childrens money boxes/wallets. Sometimes he puts it back other times he doesn't. I have asked him not to do it but he still does! I'm not sure what to do

OP posts:
Original poster
Sj2344 · 28/04/2021 10:40

I don't want to pay but as people have pointed out it seems a sensible option rather than keeping check on 4 money boxes/wallets and constantly having to tell my children to keep them out of sight

OP posts:
thefishthatcouldwish · 28/04/2021 10:41

Scratch what I said about go Henry if I was in this relationship I would be out.

What it is teaching your children is it’s ok to steal from your family.

dementedpixie · 28/04/2021 10:41

@Sj2344

I have just set up the go Henry for my children. Will this seem a bit babyish for my eldest?
Any child age 11 and over can have a current account with debit card from the bank and its free. If I take cash from the kids' wallets I then transfer the amount online from my account to theirs and then they have had their money back right away
loveheartss · 28/04/2021 10:41

I don't think it's okay whether they are 5 or 15. It wouldn't be okay to go into an adults wallet and just help yourself to money, just because they are younger does not mean they are not deserving of basic respect.

My step dad used to do this to my brother, he used to stash money under his mattress when he didn't have a bank account and my step dad used to just take a 10/20 here and there, often not mentioning it unless my brother asked. Then there was always a reason why and promises of oh but I was going to put it back.

Just no, you don't do it. I hate thieves.

Original poster
Sj2344 · 28/04/2021 10:42

Maybe I should just get them normal accounts then, I knew they could have an account but didn't think they could have a card with it

OP posts:
PussGirl · 28/04/2021 10:43

Reprehensible behaviour, not just taking the money but the lying & minimising & now trying to set traps for you!!!

Giving the children control of their own money is a great idea anyway.

You'd better watch your own purse now he can't grab their cash...

ILoveFlumps · 28/04/2021 10:43

I wouldn't waste time or money on Go Henry. The idea is great, but it costs to have, and as another Pp said it has limits on spending.

I would look at opening an account with Metro Bank or similar especially for the oldest. They get a card and no fees.

I would also keep ALL the cash they get hidden with you. I would get a notebook and keep a record of the cash they have. I know with Metro Bank that for every 5 months they deposit at least £5 per month, they get given an additional £5.

Whatever you do, do not allow him access to their money. It's shocking behavior on his part, and not fair on the children. I'd also LTB over this.

dementedpixie · 28/04/2021 10:43

P.s. I do ask the kids first if I can borrow their money and then transfer the amount online so they are reimbursed

Viviennemary · 28/04/2021 10:44

Your DH is a thief. Its terrible behaviour.

dementedpixie · 28/04/2021 10:44

My kids both got santander accounts age 11 and they come with debit cards. Under age 11 it's just savings accounts they can have and they don't usually come with a card

Original poster
Sj2344 · 28/04/2021 10:45

Do you think he would stop doing it or does he just think it's acceptable? He keeps promising he will stop

OP posts:
HappyWipings · 28/04/2021 10:45

Exh did this to our two children. It was a small part of his wonderful plethora of abuse. Now that they are older they immediately bank their birthday/Christmas cash or confront him straight away if he tries it. They don't trust him at all.

You can't stay married to a person like this.

Whythesadface · 28/04/2021 10:46

Your child will hate their dad.
Your doing the right thing by removing cash from the house, I'd also transfer the cash to their accounts as soon as they get it and just use the cash on your next purchase of food or fuel so Daddy has no money to take.
Empty the money boxes now in front of your children and transfer their cash over, let's see how Daddy feels when he asks why they have no money, and you ask him HOW he knows this.

ElaborateSalad · 28/04/2021 10:47

My dad used to do this. Everytime we'd visit a relative and be given a few quid my dad would take it to go to the pub.

ILoveFlumps · 28/04/2021 10:47

@Sj2344

Do you think he would stop doing it or does he just think it's acceptable? He keeps promising he will stop
He won't stop. Ever. He's been doing it for years and gotten away with it. He has no incentive to stop now.
FizzyApricot · 28/04/2021 10:48

@Sj2344

Do you think he would stop doing it or does he just think it's acceptable? He keeps promising he will stop
Well if he keeps promising and hasn't stopped then to be honest it doesn't sound like he will.
jackstini · 28/04/2021 10:50

From age 11 they can have a current account with a card so would set those up

For me, if he did not apologise AND pay everything back - it would be a dealbreaker. Sorry OP - he's a shit

SlothMama · 28/04/2021 10:50

He sounds disgusting and it is stealing, maybe your sons need to have bank accounts to keep their money safe from him.

Crappyfridays7 · 28/04/2021 10:50

My 15 year old has an account with bank of Scotland he can buy things online etc with it and pays for the gym with it. So of course your son can get an account with a card?
As for your husband stealing from your kids why do you allow it. He sounds really horrible. I would not put up with this. My kids have bank accounts and they saved with the credit union via school and both have ££ in those but neither their dad or I would dream of using their money for ourselves.

TheOrigRights · 28/04/2021 10:51

Isn't it an unwritten moral rule that you don't take money from your children?

How awful that they are learning they can't trust their own father in their own home.

DianeCherry · 28/04/2021 10:51

@Sj2344

Do you think he would stop doing it or does he just think it's acceptable? He keeps promising he will stop
He won't stop. He likes the way it upsets you. It's about control. He can control your feelings this way. OP, listen to PPs and get away from him
HappydaysArehere · 28/04/2021 10:51

A savings account is what they need. It should help them realise that if they put some money away they will have more in the future. Remember doing this for our grandsons. One of them asked “ what is she doing with my money’ as I got him to hand a £10 note to the cashier. The cashier then explained it to him in a very simple fashion. When his birthday arrived and people gave him money he asked me to put most of it in his account as he explained “this is a lot of money for a kid like me”. The idea of the interest pleased him. I explained he could get it out whenever but was he sure. Perhaps it helped as he studied financial economics at University and came out with a first class degree and is now working in that area. The other grandson just asked “how much is a bike?” So.all different. In your case Imwould open an account and keep the book if you have one safe from dh.

Maggiesfarm · 28/04/2021 10:53

@Sj2344

Do you think he would stop doing it or does he just think it's acceptable? He keeps promising he will stop
Make sure he puts the money back! It's not wrong to borrow a little cash if you need it suddenly, I have done the same but I was open about it and it was repaid.

Your husband simply must repay his children for money borrowed. What on earth will your older children think if they know? Get them to hide their money boxes in a very safe place and don't tell him where. You hide the little ones' boxes.

Jarline · 28/04/2021 10:53

Consider getting them the likes of a Rooster Card, or Go Henry for the younger ones, and a standard bank card for the older - the money isn't physically available to him then. You can control the cards from an app on your phone.

PerveenMistry · 28/04/2021 10:54

@TheOrigRights

Isn't it an unwritten moral rule that you don't take money from your children?

How awful that they are learning they can't trust their own father in their own home.

Yes.

How can they grow up to be mentally healthy when they can't trust their own dad??

This is very serious, OP.

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