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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband taking childrens money

235 replies

Sj2344 · 28/04/2021 09:41

Hi, my husband keeps taking money out of our childrens money boxes/wallets. Sometimes he puts it back other times he doesn't. I have asked him not to do it but he still does! I'm not sure what to do

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 28/04/2021 10:28

Awful behaviour.

JustLyra · 28/04/2021 10:29

Tbh OP I’d end a relationship over this

It’s stealing. Repeatedly. From his children.

It also shows a complete lack of respect to the children. Especially stealing their birthday money. If someone walked up to them in the street and did that you’d call the police. What kind of example of life are the children getting if they’re being taught it’s normal to have to hide your money.

Plus, what’s he spending it on?

I’d also hazard a guess that this isn’t the only issue with him.

Original poster
Sj2344 · 28/04/2021 10:29

Today when i asked what he had took it for he denied taking it then said it was to test me, he said he hasn't spent it so it a fine

OP posts:
Original poster
Sj2344 · 28/04/2021 10:30

I have just set up the go Henry for my children. Will this seem a bit babyish for my eldest?

OP posts:
themalamander · 28/04/2021 10:31

You may need to sit down and talk to your kids about living with someone abusive like this. And explain that it really is your job to protect them but as you're unwilling to leave their father, then they need to develop some coping mechanism. They need to hide their money boxes. The older ones could have lock boxes and keep the keys on their own keychain. But they need to hide them.

It's a terrible way to grow up but as you're not going to protect them they need to protect themselves. They need to hide their money or they're going to have it stolen from them. Just think about how that will affect them; do you think they will be able to have open, honest and fair relationships in the future, in regards to finances? Because they're going to learn that they need to hide money.

FizzyApricot · 28/04/2021 10:31

@Sj2344

Today when i asked what he had took it for he denied taking it then said it was to test me, he said he hasn't spent it so it a fine
He took it to test you?! This is an absolutely terrible way to try and shift the blame on to you! He has stolen from his own children. I expect he isn't very nice to you generally?
Motnight · 28/04/2021 10:32

Op what's the back story here?

Why are you choosing to be with a thief?

Original poster
Sj2344 · 28/04/2021 10:33

He can be nice

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 28/04/2021 10:33

That's awful behaviour from your husband. He is stealing from them, how disrespectful. They will.never trust him with money. Me personally, I would set up junior isas and ask for cheques (in their names) for birthdays/christmas from now on.

Eviethyme · 28/04/2021 10:34

Yeah sorry but I'm wondering why your with him.. He sounds like a horrible person :S who steals from there own children

Xmassprout · 28/04/2021 10:34

So he is stealing from his children? Start stealing his money, see how he likes it

Or just kick the bum out. Why are you with a loser?

Original poster
Sj2344 · 28/04/2021 10:34

I think he said that he thinks I'm looking for a way out of the relationship and he took the money to see if I was checking up on him, I don't check the money boxes but i had noticed one had moved

OP posts:
VodkaSlimline · 28/04/2021 10:35

Babyish or not I'm sure they'd rather their money was safe! Your husband is despicable.

SixesAndEights · 28/04/2021 10:35

@Sj2344

He can be nice
They can all be nice when it suits them. You're teaching your children terrible things about what to put up with when theey're adults.

I'd get oldest set up with proper bank accounts.

Eviethyme · 28/04/2021 10:35

Oh also.. Serial killers can be nice, rapists can be nice... Abusers... Can be nice, it's not really a lot to work too

Raindancer411 · 28/04/2021 10:35

Personally got the eldest, I would use a normal bank account they doesn't charge. He is old enough for a normal card. I know you want them to have access to it at ease, but the cards will do they and stop him taking it. Well done for setting them up

FinallyFluid · 28/04/2021 10:35

Is it a cultural thing ?

My mother used to borrow from us, we generally got it back, I complained to my father once and got a crack across the face for my trouble.

VodkaSlimline · 28/04/2021 10:35

and frankly if you're not already looking for a way out of the relationship maybe you should be. What does he do for work? Bet he's dishonest there as well.

Jesusmaryjosephandthecamel · 28/04/2021 10:36

@Sj2344

He does it because he can't be bothered to go to the bank or if he feels he has spent to much in that week. The children are between 5 and 15. It is birthday or Christmas money they keep in case they want to buy something
Taking a 15 years olds money is well out of order. I wonder what he’d think if the 15 year old helped himself to their dad’s wallet.
JustLyra · 28/04/2021 10:36

Setting up Go Henry is one thing, but it doesn’t change the crux of the issue.

You and your children are living with someone who repeatedly steals from them, and who is utterly unrepentant about doing so.

FizzyApricot · 28/04/2021 10:37

@Sj2344

I think he said that he thinks I'm looking for a way out of the relationship and he took the money to see if I was checking up on him, I don't check the money boxes but i had noticed one had moved
You don't need him to do anything in order to leave the relationship. Anyone can end a relationship at any time for any or no reason. Please look after yourself and your children Flowers
Original poster
Sj2344 · 28/04/2021 10:38

I know this isn't right.

OP posts:
themalamander · 28/04/2021 10:38

@Sj2344
So instead of dealing with the theft taking place, you're going to pay £2.99 per month per child for goHenry?

Seriously? You're spending more money instead of just keeping your kids money boxes safe?

FionaMacCool · 28/04/2021 10:39

But, surely, this isn't at all about the amount.
It wouldn't matter if it was £2 or £200.
This is their DDad. In whom they should be able to have complete trust. From whom they are learning how to be trustworthy themselves.

He is teaching them lessons about how to be as adults.
He is teaching them that they are not worthy of his respect.
He is teaching them that their needs and boundaries are not important.

That's much more serious than £20.

idontlikealdi · 28/04/2021 10:39

What is he like in other ways @Sj2344, the more you say the worse it sounds.

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