Do you think you would have been just as happy in life if you didn't have children?

[merrynelly]

I always thought I wouldn't be truly happy in life if I didn't have children. I am absolutely obsessed with my baby and would do absolutely anything for him. He gives my life so much meaning and purpose. However I do now feel that actually, I could've still been really happy had I not had my baby. That being said I am confident I am happier for having him.

Probably not - I'm not great at making friends and I'm not a big traveller so I don't think I could have felt fulfilled with having maybe a better social life and more money and travel that might have come without kids. As others have said, it is a totally different sort of happiness.

I wouldn't say children exactly make me happy but not having them was making me unhappy. So yes, I am less unhappy with them. I don't think I'm missing out on anything as I don't have a great career, a great social life or a great romantic life.

Being child free is great. But if you have children and regret it, that's fair but I think for your own sake you have to be a little bit careful about thinking "if it wasn't for these stupid kids I'd be travelling around the world, excelling in my career, volunteering to save whales and swinging from the chandeliers with my devoted partner/all my hot casual partners". Would you really?

I adore my children, love them to pieces and they bring a lot of joy to my life.

I also know loads of people without children who have a fantastic life. Sometimes I get very jealous of them

As happy as my children make me, I certainly wouldn’t mind giving child-free life a go if I had another chance at life.

Totally yes. I love my kids to bits but after the baby/toddler years and then another 10 years of SEN I am totally done. I want my freedom back, I want to be able to go out whenever I want. I am selfish, yes. My SEN child is very controlling and means we are severely restricted to being about to do anything as he refuses to do most things/go anywhere and he cannot be left all day alone. I also stay with my husband for the children to give them the life they have become accustomed to. I cannot afford a house big enough to house me and the kids, so I stay for them to have the space in a big house, nice big double bedroom each and fab holidays. But I am utterly miserable.

@Canyoustartthefansplease I hear you. Big hugs. xx

It was a huge turning point in my happiness and I can honestly say I wouldn't have been anywhere near as happy without them. They bring a different level of joy and completely changed my perspective on life.

Well, I would have a job and thus have some value to society. I love my children but I find it very hard to be treated with contempt for "only" being defined as a mother.

No.

I did everything in life a bit backwards - I had dd at 17 and ds at 19 and went to uni in my late twenties and started my career. I'm now 33 with teenagers. I really enjoy my dcs teenage years, but didn't enjoy the rest of parenting especially.

I'm glad I've got them, my life would have turned out very differently as I was on a very self destructive path before I became pregnant. I'm not very maternal and have to make conscious efforts to ensure I meet their emotional needs which is hard for me. I think if I had had a different childhood and found a career that I was interested in during my teens/early twenties I would have been totally fine not having dc. I'm looking forward to mine moving out and starting their lives and having an adult relationship with.

Yes I would. My DD is my world and I love her so bloody much, but I would have done so much more travelling and been more spontaneous in life.

I'm more than happy to be a parent but, had I not been able to have a child, I really hope I would have found fulfilment in life in other ways. There would always be a tinge of sadness but life does go on and it can be very good, all sorts of opportunities present themselves which you can take up more easily if you are childless.

I would have been happier without, and deep down I think I knew this before becoming a parent but I was swept along with all the 'you'll never feel love like it' and 'it's different when it's your own'.

I love my DD, but I do not love being a mother, and for me it hasn't been the transformative, magical experience that so many other women seem to have.

@3scape

Well, I would have a job and thus have some value to society. I love my children but I find it very hard to be treated with contempt for "only" being defined as a mother.

Is it not possible for you to do both, @3scape? Not being snide, just wondering whether your children have some additional needs that mean you can't also work.

Because I would have been utterly miserable if being a parent meant I couldn't work. It's one of the most meaningful things in my life.

@Drunkenmonkey

It was a huge turning point in my happiness and I can honestly say I wouldn't have been anywhere near as happy without them. They bring a different level of joy and completely changed my perspective on life.

This is a very good way of putting it for me.

and for me it hasn't been the transformative, magical experience that so many other women seem to have.

Me neither. Although I love DD to bits the worry she has caused me has often outweighed the rewards.

Because of her health issues I had to give up my job to care for her, and when they resolved and I went back to work after four years at home I literally skipped into the office.

Yes

Yes, but i've never had that pull of really really wanting to have kids. i mean i've got them and do love them but am also conscious that if i didnt have them then i'd be fine. not sure if it's because we waited till i was 39 to have them but i know my life was fine before and am sure it'll be fine once they leave home.

strangely i dont think i would have been fine without a partner - Dh in particular but a partner in general. but again i've never been single as an adult so maybe it's the same as with those women who have kids young i.e. they dont know any different.

so i know that my life would have been just as happy without kids because it was, but i dont think it would have been without a partner because i've never had that.

@DawooU

Yes, but i've never had that pull of really really wanting to have kids. i mean i've got them and do love them but am also conscious that if i didnt have them then i'd be fine. not sure if it's because we waited till i was 39 to have them but i know my life was fine before and am sure it'll be fine once they leave home.

strangely i dont think i would have been fine without a partner - Dh in particular but a partner in general. but again i've never been single as an adult so maybe it's the same as with those women who have kids young i.e. they dont know any different.

so i know that my life would have been just as happy without kids because it was, but i dont think it would have been without a partner because i've never had that.

I think the longer you leave it, or the longer your life is a certain way, it makes it a bit easier.

I’m like you, got with DH in Uni, been with him since (I’m mid 30s now) and we have been together so long and our life hasn’t had children so far, I’m sort of fine with it. We’ve been trying for a couple years now and are just looking into infertility issues. I’ve gone through times where I’ve cried and been upset but then some times I’m wt peace with it and think of everything we can do with the tie of children.

If it happens it happens, but if it doesn’t we’d be ok as we like our life as it is, the freedom I guess.

Without the tie*

I love my children. They are also the product of domestic abuse.

If I had my time over I would not have had them. Having children with an abuser who is manipulative, charming and very persuasive/believable and who enjoys playing games pretty much destroys your life.

No, I really don't think so. The only time I regretted my decision was when dc1 was about 6 weeks old and I couldn't cope wjth the sleep deprivation.

so maybe it's the same as with those women who have kids young i.e. they dont know any different.

I think this is a very valid point. I had DD at 41 and have had as many years being a childfree adult as being a parent. I would say that being a parent is no better than being childfree. It's swings and roundabouts.

Like you @DawooU I never had that absolute yearning to have children. It was always whatever.

I don't know tbh. I was really happy before I had DD, I had a great social life, holidays and plenty of money! But having her brought a different kind of happiness, I suppose I feel more fufilled? And experiencing the love you feel for your child is like nothing else in the world.

No. My daughters are in their twenties now and I don’t regret a thing. Apart from I wish I had started my family earlier. I was ready but husband wasn’t. And also wishI had had a third child.