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Original poster

Do you think you would have been just as happy in life if you didn't have children?

285 replies

merrynelly · 27/04/2021 22:27

I always thought I wouldn't be truly happy in life if I didn't have children. I am absolutely obsessed with my baby and would do absolutely anything for him. He gives my life so much meaning and purpose. However I do now feel that actually, I could've still been really happy had I not had my baby. That being said I am confident I am happier for having him.

OP posts:
Tututootwoto · 27/04/2021 22:44

1000%

Ohnomoreno · 27/04/2021 22:44

Yes. I often struggle to deal with the fact that my whole life happiness now depends on their safety, forever.

RampantIvy · 27/04/2021 22:44

Yes. DD was born when I was 41, and I found the adjustment to parenthood very hard. I love her to bits, but I wouldn't say my life was better or worse for being a parent, just different.

I hate chaos and mess, and my idea of a nightmare lifestyle would be a house full of small children and all the associated drudgery that goes with that.

MyDcAreMarvel · 27/04/2021 22:45

No definitely not I have been a parent since the 90’s and my youngest is one.

nonaomi · 27/04/2021 22:45

I love being a mum. The longing for a child was very strong in me and it was really taking up all my thoughts and I was really down when it didn't work out as easily as I wanted it to. Now, I look back at the simplicity of life back then, before being a mum. I think my life was good and safe. I don't feel like my life is safe anymore since having a child. I'm anxious a lot about something happening to her and it's such a heavy burden to carry. To know that I could never recover if something happened to her. I didn't have that heavy feeling before. I could not have foreseen that. So I don't know, is the answer. It's just such a huge responsibility and it's such a huge weight to carry to love someone so much that losing them would destroy you forever.

mineofuselessinformation · 27/04/2021 22:48

No. I always wanted children, and despite now being long-divorced, they are the light of my life.
I never wanted to be someone who didn't have children (I've worded that carefully because I know there are people who don't want children), but for me it was an urge. And they bring joy and worry and heart ache! to me every single day.

Happycat1212 · 27/04/2021 22:48

I would have been much happier if I didn’t

BackforGood · 27/04/2021 22:51

No.

My dc are a huge part of my life and of who I am.
No doubt, if we hadn't been able to have them then our lives could have developed a different way and we could still be happy and fulfilled in other ways, but, for me, there would still be an enormous hole.

Obviously I'm only speaking for myself and not for anyone else.

Cam2020 · 27/04/2021 22:51

I don't think so. I had 35 fun years child free but I was getting to a stage of ennui towards my mid 30s and I've never felt that since having my dc. I'm not saying it's all fun and games, we have our off days and some downright awful days, but every day is rewarding and there's never been a moment I've longed for my old life.

Graffitiqueen · 27/04/2021 22:52

No

EmilyEmmabob · 27/04/2021 22:55

I loved my life before children, I love my life now I have children. My choices would have been different had I not had children and I wasn't someone who longed for children so I have no doubt that, having never experienced being a parent, I'd be happy with my life.

If I had the chance to go back and make the decision all over again I'd choose children every time. Even on the very worst days I remember that at one point I'd considered never having any children and it makes me sad to think I'd have missed out.

That doesn't mean there aren't aspects of my life before children I don't miss - I miss pretty much all of it!

TheChosenTwo · 27/04/2021 22:55

I would have eventually found a different kind of happiness I’m sure but I knew from a young age that I wanted a family which included children.

pastabest · 27/04/2021 22:55

If I hadn't had children I would have been desperately miserable.

Now I've had children, the relentless nights, the relentless days, the post natal depression, the common garden depression, the constant underlying fear that something bad might happen to you or them, the theft of all spontaneity. I'll admit there's days I really regret it.

I look at the other mums around me and I know I'm not alone. It's mostly a secret shitty club of tiredness and guilt. Of always feeling not quite good enough.

Would I give them up in return for a squillion pounds and a return to a child free lifestyle? Nope. You would have to tear them from my cold dead hands and I would haunt you for eternity if you tried to take the, away from me.

Fucking hormones. Bastarding biology.

Divebar2021 · 27/04/2021 22:55

Although I love DD9 to bits I think I could have been happy not being a mother. I don’t like it when people stereotype type me because I have a child ( eg “ do you have any interests or is it just your children “ 🙄) I do wonder though if I would have had a niggling feeling of un-fulfilment or lack of purpose as a human.

minuetpiece · 27/04/2021 22:57

@Wabe

I was extremely happy for forty years without a child. I’m confident I would have gone on being so.
I love my kids to bits especially now they aren't infants / toddlers but yes this. They've turned into great fun but if they'd never been here I couldn't miss them
GrumpyHoonMain · 27/04/2021 22:57

@merrynelly

I always thought I wouldn't be truly happy in life if I didn't have children. I am absolutely obsessed with my baby and would do absolutely anything for him. He gives my life so much meaning and purpose. However I do now feel that actually, I could've still been really happy had I not had my baby. That being said I am confident I am happier for having him.
No I wouldn’t have been happier without DS. We ttc for so long for him
Mybigbed · 27/04/2021 23:00

I really wanted children and had them quite young so if I hadn’t been able to have them I’d have been devastated.
But having grown into myself more as I’ve got older I think I probably would have found fulfilment and happiness without them.

Enough4me · 27/04/2021 23:00

Mid-drudgery moment thinking about how much extra me-time & money I'd have says yes I'd have been happy.

Me talking with DC and seeing them grow and mature and thoroughly loving them says no. I needed to love them unconditionally to really understand unconditional love.

EmeraldShamrock · 27/04/2021 23:02

Of course. Motherhood has definitely brought me happiness and unconditional love but it is very hard, my experience with my 2nd DC has been difficult, there's times especially lately when I think it's not for me, not much I can do now, it's confusing these feelings pass.
I do want to over say it but I have subconsciously told DD go for 1 or none.

LuvMyBubbles · 27/04/2021 23:04

Yes and no.
Yes because I would be rich and life would be so easy.
No because I love them too much

EmeraldShamrock · 27/04/2021 23:05

Maybe its not the DC in my case, my life needs an overhaul an outlet.

hilariousnamehere · 27/04/2021 23:05

I think the answer to this must partly depend on if you wanted children or not in the first place?

At 35, getting pregnant would be an utter disaster for me - I'm the happiest, most fulfilled I've ever been, I have purpose and joy and a delightful life, and absolutely zero desire to bugger it up with a small sticky needy person who will steal my precious sleep and make me exhausted and permanently worried. I've been around small children in my extended family since I was 9 and I am certain I do not want a baby, a child or a teenager. And definitely not a toddler Grin

However, I can see from my friends who have children who were very much wanted, how much joy they bring, and I can see the sadness in my friends who struggle with infertility.

So... for me, children would not be a happy choice and I will live a fuller, happier life childfree. But for my friends who desperately wanted them I think they would have a happy enough life but there would always be something missing if they hadn't had them. And for my friends who haven't been able to have them but desperately wanted them, they have all built amazing, full, happy lives without children - but I'll never know what their innermost emotions are about the situation.

Only my thoughts of course!

Cowbells · 27/04/2021 23:07

No. 100% certain I wouldn't have been. After DC were born I felt happy in a way I never had before and still do.

GrumpyHoonMain · 27/04/2021 23:07

@Mybigbed

I really wanted children and had them quite young so if I hadn’t been able to have them I’d have been devastated. But having grown into myself more as I’ve got older I think I probably would have found fulfilment and happiness without them.
I think you have a point there. I was able to grow into myself (against my will lol) while we were ttc. So I got to know myself really well before dc came into the picture. It’s probably why I’m more confident in some ways with him.
Woodlandbelle · 27/04/2021 23:09

I would have been really lonely without my children. They just bring me so much contentment and there is a bond I know makes life worth living. I was OK before them but looking back never had true fulfilment.

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