Do you think you would have been just as happy in life if you didn't have children?

[merrynelly]

I always thought I wouldn't be truly happy in life if I didn't have children. I am absolutely obsessed with my baby and would do absolutely anything for him. He gives my life so much meaning and purpose. However I do now feel that actually, I could've still been really happy had I not had my baby. That being said I am confident I am happier for having him.

I had 7 years of infertility before having my children. The thought of not having them made my life feel not worth living.
As hard as it is and one of my children has additional needs I am far happier now..

I'm glad you are happy with your baby. It's also good to know you could have been happy without a baby, shows you are well balanced.

No.

I think I’d be bored and/or depressed. The dc give me a reason to get up in the morning, they keep me going when things get rough and they just bring so much love into the house.

Sometimes I crave the peace and freedom that I had before dc, but truly the only things I miss being able to go to the pub on demand and holidays that are actually relaxing. And I’ll be able to do both those things again in time as the dc get older.

We would have so much more money, but honestly the only thing I can think id spend it on would be a bigger house, which is a bit pointless without dc.

No

Yes, I was told from a young age that I was unlikely to be able to conceive so we had a strong plan B, I love DS completely, but I was never a person who dreamed of being a mother it was never my sole focus or purpose in life..I had an amazing life pre DS very fulfilling, lots of travel and I have a career that's both interesting and challenging, but also makes a huge difference to people's lives so can be very rewarding. I have a very strong marriage with someone I love, trust and treats me as an equal. I now have all of that plus DS so feel very fortunate but would've been fulfilled without a child, I also would've been wealthier and had a boat!

The grass is always greener.

No I'd not have been as happy. It's easy to have children and then look back and say you'd be happy but the reality is that you probably wanted kids (hence have them) so then if you couldn't, it would likely have made you sad.

Yes . Though I love them dearly and loved all the differnt stages including teens .. as a parent to an adult child that seems to have had years of trouble with men , indecision,poor decisions etc . And with her commimg to us so so much for support .. now feel much of the joy of it has been sucked out .. feel utterly drained today after yet another problem ,which is ongoing t day. Saying that I want to support and after a rest ,will re group .
I think the joys are immense . I just didnt know after 20 years it wd be so much support at this age.. yet I do recall the 20s being hard myself .

No

I think it depends. If I’d really wanted children and hadn’t been able to have them I think maybe I’d always carry a bit of sadness/regret. If I hadn’t wanted children/ not been that fussed then I expect I would have been just as happy as am I with kids (if not more!) - I have lots of childfree friends who have lovely, fun, fulfilling lives and no ones bum to wipe but their own!

@Tiddleypoms as tough as it is, think about how you've raised someone and created a relationship where even in her twenties she can come to you, she knows you'll always support her and that's pretty incredible, so many people don't have that kind of stability in their lives.

Who knows. I had my 1st at 16 so I've literally never had an adult life without children. I can't even imagine tbh.

@Tiddleypoms

Yes . Though I love them dearly and loved all the differnt stages including teens .. as a parent to an adult child that seems to have had years of trouble with men , indecision,poor decisions etc . And with her commimg to us so so much for support .. now feel much of the joy of it has been sucked out .. feel utterly drained today after yet another problem ,which is ongoing t day. Saying that I want to support and after a rest ,will re group . I think the joys are immense . I just didnt know after 20 years it wd be so much support at this age.. yet I do recall the 20s being hard myself .

I'm hearing you. I did not expect things to be this hard either. Older children and adult children have much bigger problems than toddlers and its bloody hard work. They don't tell you this do they.

Cyborgseadog that’s so sad. Could you be depressed? It would definitely be worth considering some counselling and/ or medication. Are there any changes you could make so that you enjoy it more?

I've been happily child-free for almost 52 years, I never wanted them and honestly couldn't see the point of motherhood. I love and I'm loved, I don't need a small sticky individual to fulfil me in any way.

No, I wouldn’t be happy had I not had my dc. They are everything that gives life meaning and my life would be a grey and pointless thing without them. That’s not to say that I wouldn’t have had other positive things and made some kind of happiness, but I can’t imagine being complete without them, there would be a gaping hole and grief.

Absolutely I'd be far worse off mentally without them. I grew up utterly lonely, they give my life the meaning I needed. No man or dog or job has ever provided the same, before they came along.

I wouldn't be happy. Maybe eventually I would have got over not having kids but I would have found everyday life hard. Especially seeing other Babies and kids around and knowing that no one wld ever call me mum.

No, I wasn't very good at my job. But I was good at raising DCs (relatively).

It’s a tricky one.
Because I wanted them very much and if I’d not been able to have them I’d have been extremely sad.
But - if I could have seen what it was actually like, if I’d somehow had a glimpse into the future and seen how it really is, I’m not sure I’d have wanted them. I definitely would only have had one. Two has been ruinous for me in many ways.
I love them and if anything happened to them now my life would be over, but in the same breath I don’t think I’d have had them knowing what I know now.

I think if your child is NT it helps. If you have family and a helpful and equal partner it helps. If you have a pregnancy and birth that isn’t traumatic and difficult it helps.
DC1 has SEND, dc2 nearly died when born. DH doesn’t do very much.
Having dc has left me with an ongoing sense of acute anxiety that never lifts and I’d say since having dc2 five years ago I’ve not felt happy or enjoyed anything.

This is an interesting one. To me it's "grass is greener" territory. Without children I would have been upset by not having them I am sure. Now I have teenagers I am thinking that my pension/career took a big hit having kids and although I love having kids they don't thank you for it. I think my life might have felt empty without them.

Yes I think I would have been happy. It would be a different life but I would have been fine. Not that I'm not happy now of course- it's just different.

Before I had children I obviously didn't know I'd be having my own children who I love dearly so wouldn't miss the actual love and bond I have.

I wouldn’t have been happy not having kids, but now they’ve left home, I’m not sure why I effectively put my life and career/pension on hold for them.
There were places I didn’t go because of them, my career stalled and I’ve no desire at my age to take it up again, I lost thousands in money and pension because of them. But I know I would have been unhappy without them.

Yes, if you’re relying on others to make you happy you’ll never be

Yes if I had chosen to be child free, but probably not if I'd wanted one and been unable.