Do you think you would have been just as happy in life if you didn't have children?

[merrynelly]

I always thought I wouldn't be truly happy in life if I didn't have children. I am absolutely obsessed with my baby and would do absolutely anything for him. He gives my life so much meaning and purpose. However I do now feel that actually, I could've still been really happy had I not had my baby. That being said I am confident I am happier for having him.

You cannot miss what you don’t know.

I always wanted children so I think I would not have been happy not having them. Having said that, I had mine young and then got a career going and I actually think my career brings me as much joy so I can understand people not having children. I think it would be quite nice to have all that money to myself as well.

No, I wouldn’t have been as happy. Something slotted into place for me when I became a mum and Ive been much happier since.

No. I always wanted children and sacrificed a lot to have them. It's been bloody hard work but I don't regret it for a moment.

No. I always wanted to be a mum. I married a little later than some of my uni friends and was jealous when they started having DC.

@KarmaNoMore

You cannot miss what you don’t know.

Well, this is a complete load of old tut.

Both my grandmothers died before I was born. I have no idea what it’s actually like to have grandmothers. But I absolutely feel like I missed out, and missed having that bond and experience.

No, I always wanted children. I would have used donor sperm (or a male friend) if it hadn't happen by my early 30's and adopted if that hadn't worked by 35. I really wanted kids and to be a youngish mum, I planned my whole life around it (which is why I had plans a),b) and c) to make it work).

No, although it is incredibly hard and emotional being a parent at times, it brings joy and love and deep purpose for me. I do have a rewarding paid and voluntary work too, but the relationships between my little family are what really matters. Also I enjoy being busy.

I can’t really imagine not being a mum - though I am a teacher too so must like kids.

Before I had kids no I could never have been fully happy or centring without them.
Now, knowing what having kids is actually like, yes I could have been amazingly happy without having kids.
However, now I have kids I could NEVER be happy or fulfilled without them.

It’s such a double edged sword. Basically now I have them I indulge in fantasising about what I’d do with all my free time without them but would never want to actually not have them.

*content

Personally no, I always really wanted children and would have been devastated if it had never happened for me.

But in general I believe people can be just as happy / happier if they don't have that urge. I don't subscribe to the "you'll never know love like it" view.

Yes on a practical day to day level I would have been much happier. But I can't help thinking that that something missing would have always been there niggling away. We're programmed with that drive to reproduce like it or not. My happiness now is that they are all adults, I've done the hard bit. I'm 44 and have many years (hopefully...covid jab this morning 🤣) to do what I want.

I'm unsure. I think my life would be fulfilling enough if I didn't have DS. But I can't imagine life any other way. It's a bit of a slog during the week but my weekends with DS are my absolute favourite.

Im interested in threads like this because I’m 34, married, love kids and am sometimes quite broody. But we have made a conscious decision not to have kids. We love our life and don’t want it to change, yet there can occasionally be a niggle in the back of my head wondering if I’ll regret this decision once it has become too late.

I teach primary and I find it so rewarding. Kids are amazing and interesting creatures, however, I lose enough sleep over the well-being and attainment of children that don’t even belong to me. I can’t imagine how emotionally draining having one of my own would be. My mum still worries about me and all my siblings, despite us all being in our 30s and 40s (and we’re all settled and completely fine) - when does it stop?

Also, the majority of those fascinating little people can be so grubby and destructive and my house is anally tidy...I’m not sure I could cope with inviting one in.

Absolutely, yes. I had an exciting, fulfilling life before children and could have easily continued with that had I not reproduced.

Being a mother is just one part of my life. I have a career that I’m dedicated to and which gives me much of my sense of purpose (I make your COVID-19 vaccine - albeit not single-handedly!), and as such, my children have enriched my life but are not the reason for it.

I also think it’s worth remembering that children are their own individual people, not extensions of ourselves or our possessions. I have a couple of friends who have entirely lost their identity since having kids and now try to re-claim it through the children, which is a shame.

My children are teenagers and drive me up the wall but even during the day when I’m at work and they’re at school I miss them. That all goes as soon as we’re all home again but I’m so proud of them and that I created them.

@SaturdayRocks

KarmaNoMore
You cannot miss what you don’t know

Well, this is a complete load of old tut. Both my grandmothers died before I was born. I have no idea what it’s actually like to have grandmothers. But I absolutely feel like I missed out, and missed having that bond and experience.

I have a grandmother who does not fit the delightful stereotype and who I spent my childhood deeply afraid of. Sometimes the reality doesn’t match the dream...

No. I spent an inheritance to have my twins via IVF. I genuinely think I might have killed myself if I hadn't have been able to have them. The thought of never being a mother was just unbearable.

@nonaomi exactly how I feel

I longed to be a mum and was ecstatic when my gorgeous baby girl was born nine years ago. She is hard work though no fault of her own, currently on the ASD pathway. That said I wouldn't be without her.

Nope

Happy yes, happier I doubt it.

Yea. I was perfectly happy before children, and just happy in a different way now (although as others have said, the burden of responsibility weighs heavily and there is much more to worry about now.)

I wouldn’t have been happy as that longing and not being able to have DC would have been devastating for me. That’s not to say people can’t be happy without children and I was very happy before I had DC but once I started wanting children it would have been incredibly hard if it hadn’t happened

Yes. I think I would have been. I don't think my life has improved since becoming a parent