Do you think you would have been just as happy in life if you didn't have children?

[merrynelly]

I always thought I wouldn't be truly happy in life if I didn't have children. I am absolutely obsessed with my baby and would do absolutely anything for him. He gives my life so much meaning and purpose. However I do now feel that actually, I could've still been really happy had I not had my baby. That being said I am confident I am happier for having him.

No.

If you’d asked me when mine were at the gruelling younger years? And my child free friends were off gallivanting on holidays galore? I may have said yes.

Now mine are older, more independent, hilarious (equally irritating) little people. They’re an absolute joy and give me so much purpose and meaning. This past year, keeping them upbeat and positive has ensured I try and stay positive and upbeat. So much of what I do, I don’t just do for me, I do for them.

If it was just me doing this for me? I’m not entirely sure I would have the hunger, ambition and purpose I have. I’m so lucky that they are in my life, and they’ve given it real meaning and love.

I don’t know. I’ve been a mother more than half my life, actively parenting (still have a child at primary) and now I’m a grandparent.

I can’t conceive of a life without them.

I like to think I’d probably have travelled more, been further in my career and a whole lot richer but maybe not. Maybe the determination and resilience to get where I HAVE got, wouldn’t have been there if I wasn’t responsible for the health and happiness of little people.

I’d like to think I wouldn’t have got married or stayed so long in a bad relationship but I could have fallen into a different kind of shitty dynamic, who knows.

Im not ‘fulfilled’ by being a mother, I am not all that maternal - just stubbornly believe I have a duty to be the best parent I can be for the small (and not so small) humans I brought into this world. To love and nurture them to be secure and capable individuals. Sometimes this is significantly to my personal detriment but that’s the choice I made. If I knew then, what I know now... I suspect I would make a different choice but I can’t be sure it would make me any happier.

No definitely not. I know some people can but for me it's no.

MrsPsmalls great article!!

I complain about them! But I always wanted children and couldn’t imagine my life being any happier without them

I’ve now been a parent more of my life than not, I’m sure I would have had a perfectly happy life without children and wouldn’t know what I’d missed out on either way so it’s not possible to compare.
I do know that I’m grateful I have these amazing individuals in my life and unbelievably grateful that we made to the adult and near adult stage relatively unscathed!

I think that there would have been years when I'd be happier without them and years when I'd be less happy. The wanting children was odd, I was absolutely desperate for children and once they arrived I really didn't until why I was so desperate, what I thought it would be like. I think it came from grief after miscarriage, it was so strange, I went from thinking children might be nice to I want children more than anything else in the world.

It would have been a very different life. I'm quite keen on them now they're here and have grown into quite interesting young people. I'm currently really enjoying being their mum.

No

I’d have been happy either way. I love my daughter but being a parent isn’t the be all and end all, nor is it the only way to have a fulfilling life.

@BettysCardigan

Hmm I honestly don't know. DH and I are great mates so we'd have had a perfectly nice life either way I'm sure.

But on a daily level...you rarely laugh till you cry as an adult, but you do it more often when you have kids, I think. I smile more, laugh more, dance more, act silly more, because I have kids.

I can tell you from experience that this is perfectly possible with the right partner, with nary a child in sight 😁

I'm sure I would have been able to be happy without children, but they are the loves of my life.

These types of threads often talk about life with childcare responsibilities life without childcare responsibilities, but that's not the point. I love my children as people, they are my favourite companions (generally).

Also, anyone who regrets having children, 9/10 it's because they've had them with a crap partner who doesn't do their share of parenting. It makes me very sad that the children are blamed for that unhappiness instead of the shiftless bloke.

@merrynelly

I always thought I wouldn't be truly happy in life if I didn't have children. I am absolutely obsessed with my baby and would do absolutely anything for him. He gives my life so much meaning and purpose. However I do now feel that actually, I could've still been really happy had I not had my baby. That being said I am confident I am happier for having him.

I don't think your post makes sense OP? If you felt before you had your baby that you wouldn't have been happy without a child, well then you wouldn't have been happy if you hadn't had him. And I don't think you mean that knowing what you know now you would have been happier without him because you say how much you love him! I guess you mean that you can now appreciate the benefits of not having a child, but in reality you would never have appreciated those before because you would have always felt that longing. 🤓

Yes I could have been perfectly happy had I never have kids. I get a lot of fulfilment from things that aren't my children

No. They are the greatest love stories of my life.

No I dont think I would be happy. LO is the reason I wake up every morning and deal with crap.He taught me how to love, pure unconditional love. He totally adores me and loves me
, I never thought I could be loved.

I'm sure I be spending alot more the doing our own things we live and spending alot more time together (as hard work as the kids are sometimes) I can't imagine not being a mum now and I wouldn't want a life without them no matter how happy I was before I had kids.

Yes.
I love my DS and I wanted to have him, but when he was conceived I had somewhat resigned to the idea that I wouldn't have a baby and I was ok with it.
I think I'm happier with him, but I'd still be happy without.

No. I think at some point it all would have seemed a bit, well, pointless had I not had them. Plus I love my husband and I wanted to have his babies and it enhanced our relationship.
Having said this we aren't all the same and I know lots of happy, childless people.

I feel like my life is in two parts. I had my first at 36 and by that point I was yearning to have children. My youngest is 5 months old.

Life is entirely different now but I'm savouring every moment and feel very fulfilled. I feel that I maximised my youth and had the freedom to do everything I wanted. Now I'm devoted to my little offspring. I wonder if I had settled down much earlier, would I have felt like I missed out on some opportunities or experiences, and would I be in a position to provide for them as much?

Not in a million years.

I’ve no idea! I don’t know what would have happened or if I would have been happy.

I think perhaps I wouldn’t have ever divorced exh without the push of the children being involved, and I would have been unhappy staying with him.

Original poster I agree with your sentiments as happy with or without child but importantly more happy with child!

Yes, I think so.
I love my daughter, I love being her Mum, but I think I could have been happy without children.
If she never has children it won't bother me to not have Grandchildren and I certainly won't be providing childcare for 3 of them, the thought fills me with horror.
I had one for a reason.