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Original poster

Do you think you would have been just as happy in life if you didn't have children?

285 replies

merrynelly · 27/04/2021 22:27

I always thought I wouldn't be truly happy in life if I didn't have children. I am absolutely obsessed with my baby and would do absolutely anything for him. He gives my life so much meaning and purpose. However I do now feel that actually, I could've still been really happy had I not had my baby. That being said I am confident I am happier for having him.

OP posts:
partofyoupoursoutofme · 28/04/2021 06:58

I have just had a great night's sleep - the first in a couple of weeks - so this morning I am very happy with my life with children. If I hadn't had them I would have always regretted it, because I had no idea about the sacrifice involved.
We are just coming out of the (final) baby stage and things are getting better. I can see the dreams I had of what having kids would be like coming true now.
Sleep is everything.

SaturdayRocks · 28/04/2021 07:00

I have a grandmother who does not fit the delightful stereotype and who I spent my childhood deeply afraid of. Sometimes the reality doesn’t match the dream...

That doesn’t negate the point I’m making.

oohmyback · 28/04/2021 07:03

No. I've battled with mild to severe depression my whole life. My children give me purpose (how to stop them being knobs lol) and happiness is often hard to find elsewhere. I often wonder if I'd still be here without my kids. Having said that if I didn't have kids I might be less stressed in the rest of my life. But I definitely had that biological need feeling to have children I can't see how ignoring that would have made me happy.

Oneeyeopen · 28/04/2021 07:03

I really wanted dc and adore my two but even better is my dgc.
I never realised that being a gp is so much better than being a parent.

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 28/04/2021 07:04

I would have been miserable without DS. I had an abusive childhood and without DS would never have experienced a loving family or unconditional love. It was an absolutely massive hole in my life until DS came along.

Standrewsschool · 28/04/2021 07:07

No,I knew I always wanted children. It was always part of the plan, and I would have been devastated if I couldn’t have any.

ForgedInFire · 28/04/2021 07:10

No, I was pretty unhappy before I had children and even though parenthood is hard it has been the happiest time of my life

SchadenfreudePersonified · 28/04/2021 07:10

@Howyoudoingirl

Honestly yes. I love my children & they bring me a lot of joy..but Given my time again I don't think I would have any.
Same here.

I worry so much about what the future holds for them.

I would have stuck with dogs.

ALevelhelp · 28/04/2021 07:10

I'm not sure I would, although as I had DS1 relatively young - very early 20's- I didn't really experience adulthood without being pregnant or as a mum

Tulipomania · 28/04/2021 07:10

Yes, I would have a lot more money for a start.

I would just be happy in a different way!

feelingdizzy · 28/04/2021 07:12

Mine have made me more content not just because they are amazing teenagers/ young adults but having them made me face up and change some of the difficult things from my own upbringing I had to do better I was heading down a quite familiar chaotic path.
It's been incredibly hard I've been a single parent for many years but my life is better because of them to becoming the person I needed to become to be the best Mum possible to them .

hamstersarse · 28/04/2021 07:13

No.
I think having children means you have to experience loving someone more than yourself. And that ultimately makes you ‘happier’.

The nappies, sleep, relentlessness etc are what define child rearing....it’s when it’s all done, they’ve flown the nest, that’s when you look at your ‘happiness’

It may be true that when doing the hard graft of child rearing it’s not making you ‘happy’ at that moment...but that’s a very narrow view of ‘happy’, more hedonism than a true sense of contentedness.

ALevelhelp · 28/04/2021 07:14

@ALevelhelp

I'm not sure I would, although as I had DS1 relatively young - very early 20's- I didn't really experience adulthood without being pregnant or as a mum
Pressed send too quickly!

So I don't really have the experience to compare...

hamstersarse · 28/04/2021 07:14

The nappies, sleep, relentlessness etc are not what define child rearing....it’s when it’s all done

RedFrogsRule · 28/04/2021 07:15

Yes I could have been.

When they were little I possibly would have answered no. They are all consuming at that age and you forgive the mess, exhaustion etc. Bit like puppies, hard work but very very cute.

I love them beyond anything else but that brings a whole world of pain if they are ill whether physically or mentally. That never goes and now that I am child free (eldest is in 30s) my life is very very rich with lots of other things.

I have lots of child free friends for whom kids just don’t figure. They are too busy enjoying life in ways that children would ruin. It’s an utter myth IMO that your life is less without children. I think we do many people a huge disservice by setting up being a parent as so amazing.

Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 28/04/2021 07:16

No. My children have been my delight and my joy. Like anything else it is not always perfect but it is always better than it would have been without them.
They have made me love my husband more too, seeing how he is with them.

DarceyDashwood · 28/04/2021 07:17

Yes. I would have had a very happy and fulfilled life. I’m so lucky to have my son who is brilliant and he has made me and our whole family so happy as he’s such a joy. But I underestimated the mental affect of having a child - the worry, the constant juggling of work/home, the fear of something happening to them or me etc. I find that quite difficult to deal with (esp over the past year!) I love being a mum though Smile

Sorrycantreadtest · 28/04/2021 07:19

I would have been happy, yes, but would I have been 'just as happy'? I don't think so. Without children (but assuming still with dh), we would have done more - travel, bigger, better home, cars etc etc. But as nice as those things would have been, I can't imagine looking at any of those things and having a smile appear on my face. OTOH, I only have to think of my dcs to have that.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 28/04/2021 07:21

My children don't give my life meaning or purpose. I love them more than anything. There is no other love like it, and I always knew I wanted to be a mum. I had my first at 18, and have just had my third at 30. I wouldnhave more, but I can for many reasons.
I have no idea if I would have been as happy without them. I believe that if I didn't have kids now, I would have felt as though I desperately wanted them.

cookiecreampie · 28/04/2021 07:22

I would have probably have probably had a career and gone out more socially and I would have found some happiness in that but I would have felt something was missing as having kids was all I ever really wanted.

Sorrycantreadtest · 28/04/2021 07:23

Oops. Posted too soon. Just wanted to add that the sheer love of my dcs and our pride in the amazing adults they have become, is a kind of happiness I can't imagine having without them. And the cherry on the cake is the happiness that came when we became grandparents - that is a whole other level!

BigusBumus · 28/04/2021 07:23

I'm not feeling a lot of joy being a parent to teenage boys tbh.

ShutUpAlex · 28/04/2021 07:25

No I think I’d still be partying, wasting all my money and not doing anything with my life.

Had my daughter when I was 20, best thing I ever did. Went back to college and did a degree.

drpet49 · 28/04/2021 07:28

Without a doubt no

Eyevorbig0ne · 28/04/2021 07:28

Yes

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