Do you think you would have been just as happy in life if you didn't have children?

[merrynelly]

I always thought I wouldn't be truly happy in life if I didn't have children. I am absolutely obsessed with my baby and would do absolutely anything for him. He gives my life so much meaning and purpose. However I do now feel that actually, I could've still been really happy had I not had my baby. That being said I am confident I am happier for having him.

Definitely not. We had fertility problems, wondered if we would ever have a child. Don’t get me wrong, she is a handful and she really tests me at times, but I wouldn’t change things for the world. I’d have another (even though she’s 8 now) but it’s not going to happen. That makes me sad, but not to the point that the primary infertility did. Thinking we couldn’t have a DC was heartbreaking. Every day I’m grateful we have her

Yes. I love DD but I would have been equally happy, just a different kind of life.

I think for me it would depend on whether I’d chosen to be child free or if I’d been involuntarily childless. I adore my children and I am happy I have them but I am not sure they make me happy, if that makes sense.

Being a Mum to an adult is so much better than a child too.
Of course I did it, I loved her, I did the kids stuff.
It's just now I realise that I really had no idea, it didn't come naturally to me at all, and now with an adult Dd, it does.
I'd have maybe had more if I could fast track them to adults!

No, my children are awesome!

I'm a positive person, so I reckon I would have been OK without children.

It's hard to know though; they are both my joy and I did want a family. I expect I would have moved on had one not been possible, but when you are generally so surrounded by people in middle age that have children, the pain of longing may have lingered.

Yes l think l would have been happy. I didn't plan my first one was an accident..we planned the second but to be honest the relationship wasn't great by the time we had the second and we stuck it out for another 10 years.
I love my now grown kids and wouldn't be without them but l would still be happy without them. However l never had a great desire to be a parent.
Mind you l made some off my best friends by having kids same age and l wouldn't have met my my DP partner without having kids so maybe it's a whole sliding doors thing and l would never really know l might have been miserable and alone if l had never had kids

No.
I love my boys.
They give the best cuddles.

Probably not, no. Purely because I did always want them and I'd probably get the unhappiness and yearning that the infertile often get. That can overshadow decades.

No. I always wanted children so if I hadn't have had them I would have always felt that there was something missing.

Mine are adults now..and I became a Granny last Friday. I had four aged 5 and under and dh was in the RAF. It was hard work...

But.. the young adults they grew to be..are awesome. Incredible people.
One's a doctor, one's a nurse(and now a Mum) one has emigrated to the other side of the world and is making his music, living life to the full. One has disabilities and will always be dependent on me.

My career was sidelined, my bank account emptied. But I cannot imagine my life any other way.. my main job has been them, and I am CEO of the best business in the world!

And the feeling of continuity is so lovely. My DD2 is living near me and I will help with child care for the brand new baby in our family.. our family traditions, and funny sayings, and habits will pass to this new life...

I feel incredibly lucky to have my children. My boss at work is the same age as me and sadly couldn't have children (she's headmistress of a great school) and I wouldn't trade my life and salary for hers ever.

Before my husband died I would have said yes, I could have been as happy without children, even if it was a different kind of happiness. Now I don't think I could have been. In fact I'm pretty sure if it wasn't for DD I wouldn't be here. She gives me purpose.

I wanted children but couldn’t have them. I’m nearly 60 now and honestly don’t think there is anything missing in my life. In fact I think things worked out for the best. And it’s utter nonsense what a pp said about not laughing till you cry as an adult. I do it all the time.

It’s funny but I would have said no way for probably the first 13 years of having children but in my mid 40s with teens I often think how much nicer life might be without them.

If you asked me before I would have said no, I adored being a Mum. I imagine I still think differently again in 5 years- teens are hard

Omg yes!!!

So so much happier and richer!

Eldest is 26 youngest 16. Sometimes wish I hadn't bothered. :(

Yes 100% happier.

I think the answers to these sorts of questions vary hugely according to how old you were when you had your baby. Of course, that’s a vague answer, but your life changes naturally as you grow older anyway.

I was 39, nearly 40, when I had ds. I didn’t believe I’d have a baby at this point and life was extremely lonely in many ways. Friends with children naturally gravitated towards others with children.

Yes, like most new mums there are times I’d love a lie in and I know the meaning of ‘me time’ like nothing else and I have struggled having a baby in a pandemic, but I also see how much love and joy is in my life for having ds. It’s renewed my friendships and brought me new friends, it’s made me determined to be the best I can be for him.

I owe this funny little baby so much.

Hell yes. In fact I would have been happier.

Oh great. Another “what is the point without children? No one understands really love/happiness/joy/purpose with out children” thread

No one ACTUALLY knows do they?

I think I would be happy either way but I do enjoy my children.

@Mrbob

Oh great. Another “what is the point without children? No one understands really love/happiness/joy/purpose with out children” thread

No one ACTUALLY knows do they?

Oh great. Another “what is the point without children? No one understands really love/happiness/joy/purpose with out children” thread

Yep! So patronising

Nope

^ ThetaSigma

I’d have been happy either way. I love my daughter but being a parent isn’t the be all and end all, nor is it the only way to have a fulfilling life. ^

This sums up my view perfectly

Yes ... life would obviously be different, I do love my DS but I don't enjoy being a parent or 'family life' if that makes sense? Interesting comment made from someone who said they had been a parent for more than half their life, I had my DS at 43, he's 20 now so I've only been a parent for around a third of my life. My life before I had my DS was very fulfilling and enjoyable ... I haven't experienced some of the issues some parents face - my DS always slept very well, no toddler tantrums, we had no financial worries, my DH was/is a very involved Dad ... but life as a parent to a younger child was just ... relentless & tedious in many ways.

Would there have been happiness in my life? Yes of course. But ‘just as happy’? Absolutely not. They bring me so much joy and their joy and laughter lights up my own life.

Also this kid of thing:
I look at the other mums around me and I know I'm not alone. It's mostly a secret shitty club of tiredness and guilt. Of always feeling not quite good enough.

Is not how I feel at all. I’m tired because of the pandemic and because my youngest is still small. But that will pass soon like it did when my older two grew a little. I don’t feel guilty or anxious about my kids apart from the odd moment. I enjoy them and enjoy their company.