To think if you stay at someones house for a week

[Visitingneveragain]

You should at least chip in with everyday things like, loading dishwasher, cooking, clearing the table etc?

And if there is a reason you don’t surface before mid day, you should check thats ok with hosts, before coming?

To clarify, this was pre-lockdown and visitors have asked to stay again?🤨

[FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]

It wouldn't bother me in the least what time they got up. Before I had kids when I visited my mum (who lives abroad so it was like a holiday) I'd surface at noon but I always helped with dishes etc. She's the opposite - when she comes to mine she gets up at the arse crack of Dawn and wakes everyone clattering about but does absolutely nothing, she just stares at me as I struggle to cook, set the table and ward off the kids at the same time. It's very annoying either help or stop staring at me.

[Nith]

@emilyfrost

YABU. They’re guests. Why should they have to check with you what time they can stay in bed until?

If they've invited themselves, they're not guests. And even if they are, it is polite to ask about this because their hosts may not want to have to tiptoe around all morning so as not to disturb you, might want to know about breakfast, might want to go out and not leave you on your own.

[saraclara]

@Visitingneveragain

*Today 20:33 newnortherner111

Just basic good manners when visiting someone's house to offer to help with things such as washing up or the dishwasher.

No is a complete sentence in response to their request to visit. Worth getting your DH on side for this.*

Exactly

See the blue line that has the poster's handle on it at the top of each post? There's a quote button there on the right. Click it!

[Mamanyt]

People who ask to come and stay aren't quite the same as those whom you invite, then, are they? Do they expect you to feed them when they get up? That also makes a difference. However, since their last stay frustrated you, I'd be inclined to contact them well in advance and simply say, "I'm sorry, but we've had some things come up, and it really isn't convenient for you to come and stay with us." You are not obligated (unless you just want to vent) to give them your reasons.

[Carbara]

OP you’re a pain in the arse. It’s making me have no sympathy for you, if you can’t even be bothered to type in a way that makes your posts be understandable why should you receive advice? Your boyfriend/husband can tell his relatives how to behave when in your property, no big deal.

[Susannahmoody]

Preaching to the converted here, op. I could write a book.

We live abroad and when my family visit, they do nothing. Nothing. I am literally the host, chef, housekeeper, chauffeur, tour guide, cleaner. They will not even drive.

Absolutely exhausted.

They didn't get up late but did have a nap in the afternoon (thank god)

[Chouetted]

Complete news to me that people tiptoe around when other people are sleeping.

If I came to stay and you did that, I'd think you were bonkers. I mean, banging the vacuum cleaner against my bedroom door, or drilling directly into the other side of the wall would wind me up a tad, so maybe don't do that, but otherwise, just get on with your life...?

What on earth are you doing in the mornings that's so noisy?

[TravelDreamLife]

They're guests in our home, not a hotel. If staying more than a night, I'd expect (and would do myself) for them to contribute to groceries or buy dinner one night, help prep meals & load/unload dishwasher & clean up mess after themselves & kids etc. I don't expect general household cleaning unless they make the mess. Like the mother who's child used our loo & said 'oh he's probably peed all over the floor, sorry' then left without checking or cleaning it. That is truly disgusting in my book. Luckily he hadn't, but there won't be a return invite!

I don't ask, I TELL them to help if they don't offer. Whose helping with dinner? Breakfast stuff is here... Don't worry, they're just crumbs.... the vacuum's on the wall'. They'll either comply or not ask to stay again.

What I hate more are freeloaders you never see or hear from who suddenly get in contact to see how you are.... then ask for free accomodation. They never contribute.

[StoneofDestiny]

For me, a week would be too long to have guests staying, whoever they were.
I'd certainly have an issue with them lying in bed til midday - have they come to share time with you or just catch up on sleep? Besides, it makes doing stuff difficult if half the day is gone.
I'd knock the visit on the head, sound more effort than it's worth.

[Weeedonkey]

@saraclara

Not if you’re on the mobile site, on your phone. You can click ellipsis but the quote function is greyed out

I have to quote by copying the text and pasting between asterisks, and it doesn’t always work. So I can see why OP is doing this.

[Pugdogmom]

When guests are staying in my house, I make a cooked breakfast the first morning. After that, they help themselves to cereal/toast/ orange juice whatever. Especially family. I am extremely hospitable, but I don't run after my guests. I would expect them to at least help clear the table/ load dishwasher, and to clean up after themselves, but I wouldn't expect them to do housework or anything, because I like things done a certain way.
Staying in bed wouldn't bother me, as long as we didn't have plans the next day, but I wouldn't be quiet.

[bishbashbosh99]

I think you get up when you want for sure, I love of my guests lie in as it means they're comfortable. I do expect help cleaning table and stacking dishwasher (not mad if they don't , but people usually do) but not cooking, that's the hosts job

[1sweatybetty]

Ah OP, this so reminds me of my MIL. I love her, but is a bit high maintenance when she comes to stay. For example:

• expects 3 cooked meals per day, served to her (unless we go out for dinner);
• does not get her own tea or water
• has never, not once, cleaned, helped with cooking, or brought/bought any food or drink
• expects me to make her bed each morning
• expects me to do her laundry including washing her 'delicates' by hand (she actually said this to me, ie 'These will need to be handwashed' as she handed me a bag of unwashed knickers)
• expects at least 2 fresh towels every day
• expects all floors to be vacuumed and mopped daily, toilets and bathrooms scrubbed daily, and dusting done daily
• expects to be constantly entertained - she does not read or watch TV and expects minimum of two outings per day and lots of time chatting about her, her family and her friends (and about nothing else as she has very little interest in others and no interest in politics/art/books/cooking)
• does not help with or play with the children (which is fine as I don't expect her to baby sit, but it just made it hard when I had to look after them and also was trying to look after her).

I want to make her happy and for her to feel cherished as a guest.
But she comes for weeks at a time and it's exhausting as I work too. So I have dealt with the above by making the unreasonable stuff my husband's problem. We also get a cleaner in at least weekly while she's here (which my husband organises) and I have agreed with my husband that he will either take leave each day she is here or arrange at least a half day outing for her on days when he works.

Can you do something similar? I still do the following and putting some boundaries around expectations while still giving her a nice experience as a guest has made me feel better.

• cook her one meal per day, having asked what she'd like for that meal (sometimes I cook more if I choose to, but one meal a day is enough in my view);
• make her room up beautifully before she arrives as I would for any other guest;
• wash her "non-handwash only" clothes in the machine with ours, dry, fold and return to her;
• get her tea whenever I am having one and tell her when I get her first glass of water where the glasses are and where the cold water is and let her know she's welcome to help herself;
• talk with her one-on-one for at least half an hour twice a day (usually 2 or 3 hours in total as I often choose to chat more, but I refuse to feel bad if I've done at least an hour in total)

[DIshedUp]

Having your mum come to stay is a bit different to your friends though

My mum raised me for 18 years, she bought all my food, cooked most of my dinners etc. If my mum comes to stay I wouldn't want her to be contributing to groceries, and yes I make all the food. Same with my grandparents. If they've made the effort to come to me, they can rest. It sounds like your DH is doing the work so I'd let him. Like fuck would I be happy if DP was hinting at my mum to load the dishwasher

A friend is a bit different, and I'd probably expect some offers to load the dishwasher, but I didn't invite them down to be a cleaner. I prefer people not to interfere too much as its quite annoying someone else tidying your home. And I find guests who are constantly trying to help irritating, just sit down. It ruins the relaxation of the friendship a bit.

[saraclara]

[quote Weeedonkey]@saraclara

Not if you’re on the mobile site, on your phone. You can click ellipsis but the quote function is greyed out

I have to quote by copying the text and pasting between asterisks, and it doesn’t always work. So I can see why OP is doing this.[/quote]
The quote function is only greyed out if you try to quote a post which already includes a quote. Like this one and the one that you screenshotted.

If you want to quote a normal post that doesn't quote anyone else, the feature on the mobile site works fine. I have just used it to quote you!

[Weeedonkey]

But you said:

See the blue line that has the poster's handle on it at the top of each post? There's a quote button there on the right. Click it!

There’s nothing in the top to click. If you’d have said click the dots at the bottom (where the quote feature is) I would have got that straight away. Unless you’re looking at the dots Olay the bottom of the previous post, in which case that’s even more confusing.

Regardless, I just didn’t like the snipey way you spoke to the OP, not everyone knows these things, you could have explained without the attitude imo

[saraclara]

@Weeedonkey

But you said:

See the blue line that has the poster's handle on it at the top of each post? There's a quote button there on the right. Click it!

There’s nothing in the top to click. If you’d have said click the dots at the bottom (where the quote feature is) I would have got that straight away. Unless you’re looking at the dots Olay the bottom of the previous post, in which case that’s even more confusing.

Regardless, I just didn’t like the snipey way you spoke to the OP, not everyone knows these things, you could have explained without the attitude imo

Ah, yes. I was on my laptop when I posted last night. So yep, blue line on laptop, ellipses on phone.

It's interesting that you saw my post as snippy. I posted it humorously, in response to the OP laughing at herself messing it up. Clearly the exclamation mark didn't do the full job.

[Dozer]

Ah OK, so OP has said it’s PiLs. (Would’ve been best just to state this in first place! Hardly ‘outing’!)

In which case, assuming they live far away, not hosting them would be a difficult option. Would host them but be v clear to DH that he should speak to them about being better guests, and / or do most of the work of hosting himself.

[OldEvilOwl]

I've voted YABU because this thread is so bloody annoying

[bobblyboob]

Fuck that, not a whole week.

Tell them it's not convenient but they're welcome to come for a weekend.

[mumda]

If it's my mother she gets waited on hand and foot. But I do that for her when I'm at her house too.

[KittyMcV]

I think a week is too long to ask to stay at someone's house full stop. Visitors are like fish. Three days and they go off!!! For the three days they are guests ... If they're decent people they'll offer a bit of general assistance with clearing tables etc (not cooking) and offer to buy a few bits while shopping.

[Bertiebiscuit]

Big fat No unless you're running a doss house

[ouchyouchyow]

Awkward

I hate staying at peoples houses. I'll stay with parents for 3 days max. I'd rather pay for a hotel

When I have stayed with family, I feel very awkward about doing stuff in their kitchen.

Wouldn't want a house guest for a week

[riceuten]

I'd do this (offer to help cook/tidy up/clean/take the hosts out for a meal) if I was staying over a weekend, still less a week. I would probably offer to cook at least one meal as well. I'd suss out what the programme was in the house and go along with that flow. I am a late bird and late riser, but I would go with whatever what most convenient for the people whose place I was staying in, and if that meant getting up early, so be it. I would chip in financially as well.

Crazy, I know.