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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he shouldn't have sent this picture of me?

161 replies

Badpicture · 27/04/2021 10:50

Will try to keep it brief.

Recently gave birth to DC. Husband has children with his ex, they get on okay-ish most of the time. Me and ex get on okay, we are friendly enough when we see each other but don't speak much and there were a few awkward times at first with things being said I didn't feel were very nice but we're over that in the most part now.

Anyway, DSC were excited and so when DC was born DH sent pictures to his ex. For some reason he decided to send her a photo just after I'd given birth and you can practically see everything, breasts out etc...

I'm really annoyed with him. He thinks I'm being dramatic and she's a mother, she's given birth before and 'seen it all before' so why does it matter?

I feel so exposed though and really upset about it, I'm quite shy as it is and just think he was so wrong to send that kind of picture to his bloody ex?! I don't mind pictures being sent, I really don't but not such an exposed one.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Happygogoat · 27/04/2021 10:52

Yanbu. You need to feel comfortable with any pictures of you post partum being sent to ANYONE, colleagues, in laws, etc. For what it's worth OP she probably won't care but you aren't wrong to feel this way. Xx

DrSbaitso · 27/04/2021 10:53

What? He sent a picture of you, post birth, with boobs out, to his ex?

Why? Why not just a picture of the baby? Or if you're in it too, one where you've got your dignity?

Is he trying to make a point to her or something?

minty133 · 27/04/2021 10:53

YANBU - I would be mightily pissed off he sent that pic to his ex without your permission

ChelseaCat · 27/04/2021 10:53

YANBU and he’s being a dick for not understanding why you’re pissed off.

Congratulations on your new baby 👶🏼

Original poster
Badpicture · 27/04/2021 10:54

@DrSbaitso

What? He sent a picture of you, post birth, with boobs out, to his ex?

Why? Why not just a picture of the baby? Or if you're in it too, one where you've got your dignity?

Is he trying to make a point to her or something?

Yes!!!

I mean the picture is mainly of baby but because of the angle you can see me and lots of other 'stuff' too.

OP posts:
Acrasia · 27/04/2021 10:54

YANBU it’s not about what she’s seen, it’s about how exposed it makes you feel.

AngusThermopyle · 27/04/2021 10:55

YANBU, I would be really upset if my dh ever did that to anyone, regardless of who they are.

CrazyTitsLiz · 27/04/2021 10:56

No, this would piss me off too.

Original poster
Badpicture · 27/04/2021 10:57

Thank you, glad I'm not BU.

Nothing I can do now I guess, it's been sent and she's seen it so that's that.

I'll show him this though.

OP posts:
Thatisnotwhatisaid · 27/04/2021 10:58

YANBU, so horrible and thoughtless of him. No idea why he didn’t just send a pic of the baby like any normal person would!

MiddleParking · 27/04/2021 10:58

I would flip. Totally invasive!

SquishySquirmy · 27/04/2021 10:58

YANBU.
She likely feels weird about receiving the photo too! It's very intimate, and the two of you do not know each other intimately. I'm sure your dh meant no harm, but he needs to appreciate you are not an extension of him, and you have a right to feel annoyed about photos of you in a state of undress and vulnerability being shared with someone without your permission. No matter how well he knows that person.

Its lovely that the children are excited, but he misjudged this.

PegPeople · 27/04/2021 10:59

Nope not at all unreasonable I'd be beyond pissed and then probably seeping into furious territory when he tried to brush off your point of view.

What was wrong with just sending a picture of baby lying in the hospital cot like a normal person would do. It's not like that was the only picture of the baby in existence that he could send.

HerRoyalRisesAgain · 27/04/2021 10:59

Yanbu. Thats such an inconsiderate thing for him to do.

Notaroadrunner · 27/04/2021 11:00

I'd swing for him. He had no right to send such a personal photo to anyone, let alone his ex. Has he such little respect for you that he's now making you out to be unreasonable? Would he be happy with you sending pictures of his dick to your ex?

AhaShakeHeartbreak12 · 27/04/2021 11:00

I would be so upset by this. YANBU

Honeyroar · 27/04/2021 11:00

Absolutely horrible of him to do that. How bloody rude of him. His ex will probably think he’s awful too.

Original poster
Badpicture · 27/04/2021 11:00

I think he just got completely carried away in the moment and didn't think it through, he isn't usually so thoughtless but it annoyed me that he was trying to say I was being dramatic afterward.
l

OP posts:
MeadowLines · 27/04/2021 11:00

YANBU, Id ask him who else he sent that pic to as well - his parents, siblings etc. He needs to learn about respect and consent, and fast. Disgusting he thinks that a man gets to decide how you feel about other people seeing your body.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 27/04/2021 11:01

YANBU I would be fuming!

notanothertakeaway · 27/04/2021 11:02

YANBU. I'd be upset in your shoes. When you've just given birth, feeling bashed and bruised, not looking your best, you are quite vulnerable & that's not a time to be photographed / photos shared

Backofthepack · 27/04/2021 11:02

Presumably he sent it so she could show his kids. Why would be want his kids to see you like that either? Idiot.

If he isn't usually a dick I'd accept thoughtlessness but he should still apologise.

bloodyhell19 · 27/04/2021 11:03

I would be beyond furious & I'd be demanding he not only delete the photo but also tell her to delete it also as it could be sent anywhere or seen by anyone!!!!!! What a fucking spacer. Just because you give birth doesn't mean your body becomes public property and can be seen by all and sundry without your consent. I would seriously be questioning my future with a man who cannot understand why his wife/partner doesn't want images of her naked & vulnerable distributed to a third party. And he doesn't get to argue that.

DinosaurDiana · 27/04/2021 11:04

He has been intimate with her, so probably doesn’t see any harm, but it is inappropriate and he needs to understand that moving forward.

Original poster
Badpicture · 27/04/2021 11:05

@Backofthepack

Presumably he sent it so she could show his kids. Why would be want his kids to see you like that either? Idiot.

If he isn't usually a dick I'd accept thoughtlessness but he should still apologise.

That's what I said! I imagine his ex was more sensible than to show that to the kids.

He said he just sent a bunch of pictures and didn't study them.

OP posts: