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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think he shouldn't have sent this picture of me?

161 replies

Badpicture · 27/04/2021 10:50

Will try to keep it brief.

Recently gave birth to DC. Husband has children with his ex, they get on okay-ish most of the time. Me and ex get on okay, we are friendly enough when we see each other but don't speak much and there were a few awkward times at first with things being said I didn't feel were very nice but we're over that in the most part now.

Anyway, DSC were excited and so when DC was born DH sent pictures to his ex. For some reason he decided to send her a photo just after I'd given birth and you can practically see everything, breasts out etc...

I'm really annoyed with him. He thinks I'm being dramatic and she's a mother, she's given birth before and 'seen it all before' so why does it matter?

I feel so exposed though and really upset about it, I'm quite shy as it is and just think he was so wrong to send that kind of picture to his bloody ex?! I don't mind pictures being sent, I really don't but not such an exposed one.

AIBU?

OP posts:

bloodyhell19 · 27/04/2021 11:05

And you've just given birth to his child - he doesn't get to tell you are being dramatic. He doesn't get to talk down to you about shit-all. He's a condescending bellend to even try and argue that. "She's seen it all" - grand so, how about I start sending pictures of your genitals to all the males I know. They've seen it all.

YoniAndGuy · 27/04/2021 11:06

That's absolutely horrible. I would hate it, and hate him for showing so little understanding and thought - as well as for assuming he gets to send out pictures of such an emotional moment without checking with you.

The fact that he doesn't get it makes the 'twat' conclusion an absolute 100% correct one!

ineedanewnameplease · 27/04/2021 11:06

YANBU that is very insensitive and he's shared a very private and personal moment.

RUOKHon · 27/04/2021 11:07

God I would be so embarrassed. I’m sure he’s be totally fine with you sending a pic of his pubes and flaccid penis slightly out of shot to your ex would he? Fucks sake. He’s such a twat for sending it, and an even bigger twat for not understanding why it was such a twatty thing to do. What an invasion of your privacy and dignity. Don’t back down on this. He owes you a massive apology.

Countrygirl2021 · 27/04/2021 11:07

Just because you give birth doesn't mean your body becomes public property and can be seen by all and sundry without your consent. I would seriously be questioning my future with a man who cannot understand why his wife/partner doesn't want images of her naked & vulnerable distributed to a third party. And he doesn't get to argue that.

You are being a bit dramatic to say she should consider her future with him. It was a really stupid decision to send that photo but I imagine he was over tired and over excited that his wife had just given birth. Poorly judged in an over charged moment.

BeGreen · 27/04/2021 11:07

That’s absolutely awful, I get that he wasn’t being a dick deliberately but it’s very upsetting, embarrassing and a massive invasion of your privacy that he’s done this. Just so wrong. He should absolutely be grovelling an apology instead of telling you that your feelings don’t matter because if he thinks it’s no big deal then him sharing intimate photos of you is no big deal. That’s where he IS being a dick, because he’s deciding for you how you should feel, that would make me angrier than the stupid brainless twit sharing of your private photos in the first place.

Original poster

Badpicture · 27/04/2021 11:09

Yes I do feel very embarrassed. She came over the other day to see baby and I just felt so uncomfortable the entire time thinking that she'd seen this bloody (literally ) picture.

OP posts:

bunglebee · 27/04/2021 11:09

I absolutely love the pictures taken of me right after I've given birth and had DS1 put on my chest, but even though I am not an especially private person, they are very much private pictures, meant only for the two non-medical people in the room.

YANBU.

Original poster

Badpicture · 27/04/2021 11:11

@bunglebee

YANBU.

Yes me too, I asked him to take pictures so I could see them. I ended up pretty out of it so I'm glad he did. But I obviously didn't think he'd be sending them out.

OP posts:

bloodyhell19 · 27/04/2021 11:11

@Countrygirl2021

*Just because you give birth doesn't mean your body becomes public property and can be seen by all and sundry without your consent. I would seriously be questioning my future with a man who cannot understand why his wife/partner doesn't want images of her naked & vulnerable distributed to a third party. And he doesn't get to argue that.*

If your partner sends an image of you while you are naked/exposed/vulnerable to a third party without your consent then it is more than just poor judgement. Even in exhaustion, decency does not deplete. And then to double down and call her dramatic is also more than "poorly judged".

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 27/04/2021 11:15

I’d be furious.

Wait until you’re having the bathroom done then go in and take a picture whilst he’s having a piss and send it to friends. When he complains tell him you were just sending her a picture of the new bathroom and his flaccid willy and hanging out stomach just happened to be in it too.

YoniAndGuy · 27/04/2021 11:15

Well do make sure that if he ever has a vasectomy, you post a lot of excited updates on how sore he's feeling and just a little bit vulnerable, to your entire fb friends list, won't you?

Lorw · 27/04/2021 11:17

Wow. I would be bloody fuming consent in terms of who sees your body is important, boundaries and all that.

LemmysAceCard · 27/04/2021 11:19

Would he be happy with you sending a picture of his nob to your most recent ex?

ballsdeep · 27/04/2021 11:23

I'd be beyond pissed off.
Would he like it if he had the snip and you sent a photo of his Bruised balls to your ex?

DoingItMyself · 27/04/2021 11:24

Would he be happy with you sending a picture of his nob to your most recent ex?
Insist he sends a pic of his 'nob' to all your exes, as a form of apology for the way he humiliated you.

And how much did his ex want her nose rubbed in it? You'd just had his baby - what a man he is - how effectively he's 'moved on' from her - now her children aren't the only important children in his life. No. I don't like him. He has no respect for either of you.

Ohpulltheotherone · 27/04/2021 11:24

I feel like the ex is a feature in your life that you’re not completely happy with even before this incident.

Perhaps rethink the current boundaries because it seems like your DP is calling the shots regarding boundaries but I assume it is your home too. You do have a say over how much his ex should be involved or informed regarding your life outside of anything which directly affects her kids - and even then it’s debatable how much involvement she would actually need.

Regarding the photo I would be absolutely livid- I’d be annoyed with him if it were a genuine mistake and he just dumped loads of photos in one go and didn’t realise.
But I’d be apocalyptic if he then tried to say I was being unreasonable/ overly emotional / stupid etc. I’d rip him to shreds. How dare he turn around his daft mistake and make it your issue.

FizzyApricot · 27/04/2021 11:25

That's so violating. How would he like it if you sent a picutre of him having a poo to everyone.

ThinkingIsAllowed · 27/04/2021 11:31

YANBU!! What a dick.

Regularsizedrudy · 27/04/2021 11:44

That’s really not okay. I can understand accidentally sending it when clicking a bunch of photos to send, but his mmm doubling down on it and not accepting his mistake is nasty.

OlympicProcrastinator · 27/04/2021 11:44

I’m with bloodyhell19 on this one and don’t think it’s over dramatic at all to be considering your future with your DH over it. I certainly would be and I’d be staying elsewhere to him for a few days while I thought things through. I’d also message the ex asking her to delete it and letting her know it was shared without your consent as I agree with PP that she will probably have felt weird and uncomfortable about receiving it.

Regularsizedrudy · 27/04/2021 11:44

Don’t know where the mmm’s came from!

intheenddoesitreallymatter · 27/04/2021 11:46

Wtf a single picture of the baby would suffice I'm so sorry you have that stress so soon after giving birth.

When you're stronger you need to emphasise to him about your levels of propriety and an inappropriate picture to his ex wife is one of them.

Candyfloss99 · 27/04/2021 11:47

He is horrible to do that and if you feel uncomfortable with his ex coming to see your baby then that shouldn't be happening. Tell him your boundaries.

Merename · 27/04/2021 11:48

When I saw your title I had a feeling it would be a post birth pic. And worse that it is the ex! I and so many friends have had experiences of partners sharing exposing post birth pics in the wrong places. By baby no 2 though DH understood, or at least was willing to not send pics unless ok with me. So your partners minimising of how you feel is a concern, the initial not grasping the issue I think is more typical (but still a concern!)

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