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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he shouldn't have sent this picture of me?

161 replies

Badpicture · 27/04/2021 10:50

Will try to keep it brief.

Recently gave birth to DC. Husband has children with his ex, they get on okay-ish most of the time. Me and ex get on okay, we are friendly enough when we see each other but don't speak much and there were a few awkward times at first with things being said I didn't feel were very nice but we're over that in the most part now.

Anyway, DSC were excited and so when DC was born DH sent pictures to his ex. For some reason he decided to send her a photo just after I'd given birth and you can practically see everything, breasts out etc...

I'm really annoyed with him. He thinks I'm being dramatic and she's a mother, she's given birth before and 'seen it all before' so why does it matter?

I feel so exposed though and really upset about it, I'm quite shy as it is and just think he was so wrong to send that kind of picture to his bloody ex?! I don't mind pictures being sent, I really don't but not such an exposed one.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Miasicarisatia · 27/04/2021 11:50

This is a horrible invasion of your privacy by someone who you would expect to protect and guard your privacy
I would feel extremely betrayed, he's put you on display as if you are a trophy:(

Notapheasantplucker · 27/04/2021 11:51

Wtf! He has crossed a massive line there! I'd be absolutely fuming.

feathersandferns · 27/04/2021 11:51

Guess I'm alone here then; I wouldn't be bothered!

crosspelican · 27/04/2021 11:52

I'd be furious, but at least you can confidently assume that her reaction was "Yikes! WTF was he thinking sending me that? She's going to kill him." She'll be annoyed at him on your behalf here.

Also, yikes on the level that it's massively hurtful and weird towards HER to send her that picture. He might be overestimating the quality of their relationship.

Is he normally this thick when it comes to feelings??

AnnieAnoniMouse · 27/04/2021 11:52

He's an idiot for not taking more care over what he sent to anyone!! But I could forgive that if he apologised.

However, 'she's a mum she's seen it all before'. NOPE

Take a picture of his cock and tell him you've sent it to all your family, his family, friends, neighbours and put it online. That should be fine as they've all seen one before....

Idiot.

Hope you & the baby are both doing well & that the baby inherits your brain & sense! 💐

labhra · 27/04/2021 11:53

I really don't think he meant any harm by it. However YAdefinitelyNBU to feel annoyed with him - I would be too I think.

waterlego · 27/04/2021 11:55

It sounds like a genuine mistake- a bunch of photos were sent and the OH was perhaps too excited and proud to really think about each picture. I would be able to forgive that personally.

But to double down and make out that you’re over reacting or making a fuss is not on and I’d be really unhappy about that.

EKGEMS · 27/04/2021 11:55

Take a picture of him on the toilet and send it to one of his aunts

Mellonsprite · 27/04/2021 11:57

No he shouldn’t be doubling down on this! I Riyadh the want this type of picture sent to anyone, let alone an ex. It’s very insensitive.
I’d reach out and ask if she could please delete it and you’ll send a nice picture of a snoozing baby to replace it for the DSC.

NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 27/04/2021 11:57

He has been intimate with her, so probably doesn’t see any harm

On what planet does that make any jot of difference in anyone’s head but yours?! She’s not been intimate with the OP. Having sex with someone doesn’t mean you can then send naked exposing pictures of future partners with anyone you’ve been intimate with.

It’s disgusting OP. I’d be furious.
Hopefully she’s decent and deleted it straight away. Why would you want children seeing that? Let alone an ex!

LifeinPieces21 · 27/04/2021 12:01

@DinosaurDiana

He has been intimate with her, so probably doesn’t see any harm, but it is inappropriate and he needs to understand that moving forward.
What's that got to with it?

I would not be happy with him.

PanamaPattie · 27/04/2021 12:03

The ex is too involved in your life - coming over to see the baby? That’s too much. No wonder you are pissed off with him. He needs to learn boundaries and consent. If I had received a photo like this I would be mortified on your behalf and give ex a bollocking - WTF!

Thisgirlcando · 27/04/2021 12:03

I’ve been on the opposite end of this! She probably feels really awful and uncomfortable too. My DP sent me pics of his DD throughout her life to make into a banner, he sent me a pic of his ex naked and DD when she had just been born. When I asked for a different one for newborn he suggested I cropped it. I had to explain about 30 times why it wasn’t ok and that if I cropped it his ex might feel uncomfortable knowing I’ve seen this picture - she doesn’t know that I’ve seen it but I still feel awkward when I think about it.

It really annoyed me that he couldn’t see the issue for ages. He asks now before sharing any pictures anywhere!

CatherinedeBourgh · 27/04/2021 12:05

I couldn’t call it without seeing the photo. If it’s mostly of the baby with a boob in the background wouldn’t bother me beyond ‘that was probably not the best to send’. If it was 90% me and a tiny baby on me I’d be more wtf.

CirqueDeMorgue · 27/04/2021 12:05

He probably just didn't study the background properly, easy mistake to make.

ballsdeep · 27/04/2021 12:07

@PanamaPattie

The ex is too involved in your life - coming over to see the baby? That’s too much. No wonder you are pissed off with him. He needs to learn boundaries and consent. If I had received a photo like this I would be mortified on your behalf and give ex a bollocking - WTF!
Agree. You need to draw a line in the sand
Original poster
Badpicture · 27/04/2021 12:09

@PanamaPattie

The ex is too involved in your life - coming over to see the baby? That’s too much. No wonder you are pissed off with him. He needs to learn boundaries and consent. If I had received a photo like this I would be mortified on your behalf and give ex a bollocking - WTF!
DSC were just excited to show Mum their new sibling, I don't want to damper any excitement and positive feelings they have around having a new baby sibling so am okay that she came round. I just felt embarrassed knowing she'd seen that picture!
OP posts:
Thisgirlcando · 27/04/2021 12:11

The ex isn’t too involved unless you are unhappy with how involved she is! Being involved and pleasant with each other benefits the kids in the long run.

PhatPhanny · 27/04/2021 12:11

YaNbu, he needs to make it right somehow, My mum did this to me, she sent a photo to everyone and I was exposed from the waist down, only my mums best friend messaged back telling her, it still makes me cringe to this day 😔

newnortherner111 · 27/04/2021 12:12

YANBU. You should have been asked first.

BumBurnerBum · 27/04/2021 12:14

That is bad. I know how you feel as to celebrate the birth of our baby, my ex sent a photograph of me holding said baby, when you can clearly see my feet in stirrups and blood running down my leg to HIS ENTIRE COMPANY.

Bubblebu · 27/04/2021 12:14

YANBU ref the picture. That is out of order.

However you decided to get together with someone who has already had child/children with another woman and so you did and do know (as he has reminded you) that he really has seen it all before.

It is quite possible he does not think it is a big deal for that very reason.
You decided to have a child with this person knowing this.

Angrypregnantlady · 27/04/2021 12:14

Explain that your dad's a man and has seen it all too so can you just start sending personal pictures of him around? Pictures of him on the bath, having a shit, that rash on his groin? Or does he acknowledge that he appreciates privacy around his own body?

He knows he overstepped, and instead if apologising he's trying to make you believe he did nothing wrong. He needs to appologise.

GreyhoundG1rl · 27/04/2021 12:15

She's seen it all before is such a ridiculous point of view Confused. She hasn't seen you in all your glory and there's not a reason in the world why she should.
I'd be really concerned that he couldn't see what's wrong with this?
Would he send it to his mates on the grounds that they have kids so have seen it all before?
I'd be so bloody furious with him.

alloverthecarpetagain · 27/04/2021 12:17

Totally awful and thoughtless to do this. I think you are right to be furious with him, but it's done now. It's his unwillingness to see the problem that is worse really.

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