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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he shouldn't have sent this picture of me?

161 replies

Badpicture · 27/04/2021 10:50

Will try to keep it brief.

Recently gave birth to DC. Husband has children with his ex, they get on okay-ish most of the time. Me and ex get on okay, we are friendly enough when we see each other but don't speak much and there were a few awkward times at first with things being said I didn't feel were very nice but we're over that in the most part now.

Anyway, DSC were excited and so when DC was born DH sent pictures to his ex. For some reason he decided to send her a photo just after I'd given birth and you can practically see everything, breasts out etc...

I'm really annoyed with him. He thinks I'm being dramatic and she's a mother, she's given birth before and 'seen it all before' so why does it matter?

I feel so exposed though and really upset about it, I'm quite shy as it is and just think he was so wrong to send that kind of picture to his bloody ex?! I don't mind pictures being sent, I really don't but not such an exposed one.

AIBU?

OP posts:
alloverthecarpetagain · 27/04/2021 12:18

@BumBurnerBum

That is bad. I know how you feel as to celebrate the birth of our baby, my ex sent a photograph of me holding said baby, when you can clearly see my feet in stirrups and blood running down my leg to HIS ENTIRE COMPANY.
OMG!!
crystaltips98 · 27/04/2021 12:19

He was probably excited and didnt notice at the time. An apology now he realises would be nice though.

CleverCatty · 27/04/2021 12:20

@PanamaPattie

The ex is too involved in your life - coming over to see the baby? That’s too much. No wonder you are pissed off with him. He needs to learn boundaries and consent. If I had received a photo like this I would be mortified on your behalf and give ex a bollocking - WTF!
That was the bit that sprung at to me.

His DC with his ex coming over to see the baby, his ex coming over to see the baby (even with his DC) - not - way too involved in your life. And I'd be saying the same about boundaries and consent.

I get he was excited so pressed send on the photos of you - did he do this with his ex too when she gave birth? Send intimate photos of her after birth to his other ex(s)?

Bluedeblue · 27/04/2021 12:21

Has he got any major operations coming up? Maybe take a photo of him as he's just coming round from the anesthetic, with his bum hanging out of his hospital gown? That would be fine to Whasapp over to your Ex for a laugh, yes?

Original poster
Badpicture · 27/04/2021 12:22

@Bubblebu

YANBU ref the picture. That is out of order.

However you decided to get together with someone who has already had child/children with another woman and so you did and do know (as he has reminded you) that he really has seen it all before.

It is quite possible he does not think it is a big deal for that very reason.
You decided to have a child with this person knowing this.

You're really trying to put the 'you knew he had kids when you met him' spin on this??
OP posts:
undermycatsthumb · 27/04/2021 12:22

@feathersandferns I don't think I'd be bothered either. DH sent something similar after the birth of DC3 to his family WhatsApp, I found it quite funny when I saw that he'd sent it - he was gushing with pride about our new baby and hadn't even noticed the background. The same may be true here. However, I might feel differently if it was his ex - I can't say.

Anyway, OP, YANBU to feel whatever you feel about it because it's a picture of you! I can genuinely believe that your DH didn't mean badly by it; however, he should have apologised because it upset you, regardless of whether he thinks it's ok or not.

That said I think it's lovely that his DC are so excited about their new stepsibling and I also think it's lovely that his ex wanted to come and meet the new baby. I think this is one to just drop with the strict instruction that nothing similar ever happens in future.

ComDummings · 27/04/2021 12:22

I would be furious and hurt. What a dick.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 27/04/2021 12:22

Take a picture of one of his balls and send it to your ex. See how he likes it.

Maray1967 · 27/04/2021 12:22

He’s been a complete and utter idiot to send it and even worse to have a go at you when you raised it. I would have smashed up my DH phone if he had ever done that and not immediately apologised and asked the recipient to delete it.
Truly appalling. And yes, I would be telling him to go away and think about it and then apologise sincerely otherwise I’ll be photographing him in an unflattering way and sending it to people I know.

CleverCatty · 27/04/2021 12:22

@CirqueDeMorgue

He probably just didn't study the background properly, easy mistake to make.
You really should study the background properly - context etc is so important here.

Would he like a photo of him at a company do with his balls out photoshopped and shared all over FB? No. So why take an intimate photo of his wife and share and send to all and sundry?

Swordfish1 · 27/04/2021 12:22

I would actually feel quite violated if my dp did this. I can imagine how you are feeling.

Hopefully, if she is a nice person, she has simply deleted the image. But might be worth sending her a quick message saying dickhead dp has sent you a picture showing my breasts, would really appreciate if you can delete this.

The ask DP if he ever has a vasectomy if its ok if you send a picture of his dick to your ex. He might get your point.

This requires a bloody grovelling apology, not making you feel you are over reacting FFS

ScottChegg · 27/04/2021 12:25

She might have seen it all before but she hasn't (hadn't) seen yours!

I would have been HORRIFIED if that were me.

Elegantactivator · 27/04/2021 12:27

You're really trying to put the 'you knew he had kids when you met him' spin on this??

Hahahaha there's always one Grin

Wavypurple · 27/04/2021 12:27

I would honestly be livid.

Congratulations on your baby 💜

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 27/04/2021 12:29

He's an idiot for doing it, and more of an idiot for not "getting it".

Maybe you should take a pic of the baby. While he's in the background with his cock out. And then send it to your ex.

Congrats on your baby Flowers

Shrivelled · 27/04/2021 12:29

I really hate the immediate post birth pics that are popular to circulate. For me personally they are a huge overshare and that moment is for me and DH only. I prefer to send pics once the drugs have worn off and me and baby are washed and dressed. If my DH had done this I would have been absolutely mortified. YANBU at all to be pissed off.

Outbutnotoutout · 27/04/2021 12:30

Would he be happy if you sent a picture of him, if he was post vasectomy with his cock out and all drugged up and dazed.

My thoughts are probably not 🙄

silverbubbles · 27/04/2021 12:30

YANBU but I imagine he just didn't think it through.

fruitbrewhaha · 27/04/2021 12:30

He's fucking idiot and has some serious grovelling to do.

I expect his ex was a bit Shock too. She probably didn't want to see you undressed either.

CloudPop · 27/04/2021 12:31

@Elegantactivator

You're really trying to put the 'you knew he had kids when you met him' spin on this??

Hahahaha there's always one Grin

Although to be fair, nobody's yet made the assumption that OP was the OW
fruitbrewhaha · 27/04/2021 12:32

In a weird way you may have a bonding opportunity with her, Have you aid anything to her? Have you asked her to delete it?

Shrivelled · 27/04/2021 12:33

However you decided to get together with someone who has already had child/children with another woman and so you did and do know (as he has reminded you) that he really has seen it all before.

But his ex hasn’t seen OP like this before!?

Bang4Bond · 27/04/2021 12:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ithinkyoucan · 27/04/2021 12:36

YANBU!

Those are quite intimate photos of an intimate time and only you get to decide who sees them!

I think what is most concerning though is his complete dismissal of how you feel about this. Its his reaction that is most worrying.

Tal45 · 27/04/2021 12:37

Could you tell her how you feel? I'm so embarrassed X sent a photo of me out of it just after giving birth, would you mind deleting it? That's perfectly reasonable and understandable xxx

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