I can see you are busy doing stuff involving sharp knives and hot things

[EastWestWhosBest]

and are really busy but I’m going to stand here and witter on about something you really don’t care about and get in your way. Oh look, here is a YouTube video about it.

@MissJeanLouise

I’m going to interrupt you telling me what the plan is for this afternoon to ask what the plan is for this afternoon: 90% of every 7/8 year old in my class.

See also: interrupting me showing you how to multiply 2-digit numbers to tell me you don’t know how to multiply 2-digit numbers/ interrupting me explaining where to find the equipment we need for art by asking where the equipment we need for art is/ interrupting pretty much any explanation of any task we need to complete to tell me your hamster was sick last month and your bogeys look a funny colour 🤣

Are you my class?!

I don't understand why so many of us have clones of the same family members.

Would some kind MNers take one for the team and retain one apiece, please? The rest of us will have a whip round for your own private retreat somewhere on a regular basis.

Does ayone have nightly Philosophy Hour? Generally takes place at exactly 10 minutes past bedtime and includes a varied mix of thought-provoking queries:

• What if Im really a ghost and I see a ghost and am scared but its not really a ghost its a living person and Im the ghost but I dont know?
• Why dont I like peas?
• Were do dreams go when you wake up?
• If I died would you be so sad you died too? (dark)
• What if Jesus karate kicked the 3 wise men when he was a baby?

etc etc

Oh good morning darling. You’re getting dressed I see. No doubt it will help you immeasurably if I stand HERE in front of the chest of drawers. No wait HERE in front of the wardrobe. Or perhaps HERE in front of the bathroom door. I’m sure you’d be delighted to see me loitering with my pyjama bottoms falling off my arse in an alluring manner in every single conceivable bedroom location, while you attempt to leave the house on time. Which is incidentally the same time you have attempted to leave this sodding house for five long years, without success.

I know you've told me fourteen times what I need to say on this very important phone call about care funding that I am in charge of, but can you explain it to me as though I'm an idiot but not so that I feel insulted and even better can you make the phone call because even though it's my responsibility you're so much better at it than me even though we can both be there on loudspeaker because I have the retention capability of a goldfish.......

Ooh this is a really good film, we've been looking forward to it all night so I'll just pause it every ten minutes so that I can have a deep philosophical analysis which I expect you to take part in with questions and maybe a powerpoint presentation and I may have to post it all on Facebook while doing so in order to engage with fellow film buffs and why are you biting your pillow and glazing over and getting snappy with me I just love having conversations (talking at you) and okay, I'll shut up now....... Ten minutes later....... Ooh, I must just stop this for a minute because I've had this thought .........

I will DEMAND clear answers to all the above qustions. I will however not listen to any answer you manage to cobble together

I see you're talking on the phone, let me just tell you about all the people I've met today in great detail. You won't know or care about any of them but it cannot wait.

Spot on in my house

‘Percy Bysshe Shelley. What a WANKER.’

Pause...

‘Oh, are you on a work call? I’ll tell you about it later.’

Oh you're reading the paper and drinking tea whilst the birds twitter peacefully in the garden...now would definitely be a very good time for me to inform you vehemently what the Fucking Tories have done this time, in great detail including which cabinet member is which and what all their past misdemeanours are, just in case you weren't listening properly the last time...

This is a brilliant thread. @MissJeanLouise - I'm a 7/8 year old doing music practice so it's best if I interrupt the instructions by flailing around saying I don't know how to play the instrument rather than listening to the instructions or looking at the music or the notes, or holding the instrument.

@RickOShay

I will constantly ask you when tea is ready, standing in your way while you deal with boiling water and hot oil. Then I will magically disappear when tea is actually ready and you won’t find me anywhere

Either: A - the shed B - the toilet

Oh dear. Is one of you my DH? Apparently I am always In The Way in the kitchen

Oh you're leaving the house with our teenage dc2 who has to get to the station for a train to sixth form? Now is the perfect time for me to talk to you about what the paint you applied to the garage looks like, how you should do the rest of the painting and how long it will take you, and no it can't wait 40 minutes until you return.
Don't worry because I have a random very important lecture I must give you every day at exactly the moment you leave the house.
25 years and counting.

@PriestessofPing

I can see you are prepping dinner and you have offered other times to chat including already listening to my narration of the review of the latest episode of the latest Marvel TV series. But, you see, just now some youtubers had a reaction to the reaction video and they think they’ve found some extra easter eggs that fit with this fan theory about how the comics relate to the next 1,000 Marvel shows coming up. Can’t listen now? I can return instead to my description of the latest spat on Instagram between the D.C. and Marvel fandom I paused earlier?

Why are you crying, mum??

That is exactly why I work in a school.

People who appreciate my knowledge of the respective multiverses. Unfortunately, they have to go and get an education sometimes,.but there's always somebody prepared to talk about T'Challa's last appearance or whether Isaiah Bradley was outed as still being alive as some idiots on the Internet believe or whether the Zemo dance will catch on outside the Maths corridor.

I’m just home so will come and chat to you... you cannot possibly be at work in your home office because I have finished for the day. If I’m working I will send the kids to you to respond to any questions, because you must be finished at work because you are always finished when I want you to be. If I think you may still be working I will yell random questions up the stairs until you randomly and for no reason shout at me and get arsey. I will then bring you tea and ask you when dinner is... because I haven’t put you off working for the last hour so you’re finished right!!!!!

WOHHH! I know you have absolutely no interest in rugby / snooker / cricket / sport of any description - and I can see that you're engrossed in your book / -Mumsnet- / end of month admin - but did you just see that goal/snooker/foul! Shall I rewind it for you?

You NEVER call me for tea, my dinner is always cold... take the bloody Xbox head set off

I’ll just stand in the middle of the kitchen taking up as much room as possible and stare at my phone. When I ask to get past you will invariably move to where I’m heading.

I know you are cleaning the fish tank making tea, talking to someone on the phone and making sure a dc does there homework... But look at this meme! Oh, and when reading at night, while I settle down to listen to a story, let me tell you, in great depth about every segment of Five Night At Freddys. The Bite of '83, for example. What do you mean it' s nearly ten pm and you want time on your own??

What? You’re on the toilet? I know Anyway... last week I grazed my arm and it really hurt and I know you were there but it really hurt and it’s still scabby and I think my toenail might fall off I don’t know why but it feels weird and I saw this really funny thing on You Tube this afternoon there was a cat and it was funny but it was cute too but not as cute as our rabbit but how long do you think the world will last for? Will humans still be on it? I wish there was a magic potion that meant humans lived forever but we could make the potion stop if something bad happened to the earth and I’m glad I’m born now and not in a trillion years but can I have a snack can you get me a snack? Mum can I have a snack? What? I know you’re on the toilet Anyway...

If it was minecraft I'd think you were talking about my son!

I know you will not find this funny but I want to show you this meme that I'm enjoying, it's about something niche that only I'm interested in, and then when you don't laugh, I'll be offended. (DP)

Oh i know you have 4 kids to look after, whilst cooking dinner, and my brothers wife is on the phone asking for help with house administration because she can't read and write English but can you just fill in this form for my friend who you don't know and his wife and kids so they can register at their GP.... by the way I think you haven't cooked that enough.....

Does my DP live with you ?
He will thrust his phone in my face at any given opportunity to show me some crackpot conspiracy theory video to prove whatever nutcase idea he had festering in his small brain 🤔