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AIBU?

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Original poster

I can see you are busy doing stuff involving sharp knives and hot things

258 replies

EastWestWhosBest · 26/04/2021 19:17

and are really busy but I’m going to stand here and witter on about something you really don’t care about and get in your way. Oh look, here is a YouTube video about it.

OP posts:
Patty101 · 26/04/2021 22:43

I can see you're standing on one leg balancing the baby on your thigh to feed him while you're in the middle of making the risotto we're having for tea, as he decided he needing feeding that very minute or he'd scream so loud he would go purple, but I decided that right this minute is the best time to fit the new garage window and if you don't come outside and hold this frame up for me then it'll fall out and the whole thing will be damaged and I'll have to order a new frame.

I know I've been off all day and could've done it earlier when you asked me if I wanted help with the garage window, but you weren't busy then, so where would be the fun in that?!

Cowbells · 26/04/2021 22:43

@TheMoth

I will live in a dark cave, laughing at people on the Internet. I will say nothing, nor interact with anyone, until you say goodnight at 9ish. Then, and only then, will I want to talk to you in great detail.
Yes!!!! Is DS1 staying over at yours again?
somethingischasingme · 26/04/2021 22:46

Is the house nice and quiet? Are the dc in bed? Are you in bed reading your book and relaxing after doing loads of things all day? HAVE I GOT A GLASS OF WATER? Why are you shushing me?

Brindisi32 · 26/04/2021 22:51

I can see you're trying to listen to a news item but i'm going to comment really loudly because my views on this are really important.

QueenPaw · 26/04/2021 22:51

My cat has started this tonight Hmm
Got a drink, got a blanket, shut the window as cat didn't want to go out, sat down to watch new TV drama
Cat "well I want to go out now"
Angry

Brindisi32 · 26/04/2021 22:55

"Have you seen the 10yr old widget lately?"
me: "I have no clue what the widget is, i've never used it, where did you put it last time you used it?"

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/04/2021 23:04

answers telephone

"Hello, Im at work and im bored any news, no well let me tell you about the person I just delivered to they are such a twunt theres no number on their house... oh you were sitting down to watch tv... right well this persons house has no number and then someone shouted at me whilst i was looking for their house cos they were going to call the police so I said well what kind of bloody burglar has a fucking pizza bag in their hands... oh you REALLY were wanting to watch tv right now... well so I shouted back at the bloke and then the person I was delivering to apologised that their neighbour is an arsehole... oh you actually want to WATCH the tv and not sit in front of it paused... tsk why are you so stroppy, are you on your period..hangs up on me

(Sister)

Teddyandsuzie · 26/04/2021 23:09

I can see that a song you know and love has come on the radio and you’re really enjoying singing along. But I NEED to know (a) how you know the song; (b) what the song is called; and (c) who sung it, and I MUST know right now this minute. I will keep asking if you ignore me. I just can’t let you enjoy it and wait until the end of the song, oh no.

CandyLeBonBon · 26/04/2021 23:11

@EastWestWhosBest

and are really busy but I’m going to stand here and witter on about something you really don’t care about and get in your way. Oh look, here is a YouTube video about it.
Sounds like you've met my children can you keep hold of them for a while please. I could do with a break!
SeaToSki · 26/04/2021 23:13

@MNHQ another vote for classics pretty please

Shodan · 26/04/2021 23:13

I know that you're getting dressed in a rush, because I asked you for a lift to school two minutes ago when I realised I was going to be late because I didn't take the thing you told me three times to take and had to come back for it, and I know you have one leg in your jeans and one hand clutching your tea in a desperate attempt to drink some to wake yourself up a bit to be a fit state to drive a car, but can you just come and find the thing I was supposed to take, which I can't find even though it's right by the front door?

CandyLeBonBon · 26/04/2021 23:15

And yes DP, please do shove a message of no relevance and exquisitely poor timing right in my face just as I'm carving the parson's nose, Thankyou That'd be grand! Confused

Pinchoftums · 26/04/2021 23:15

Can I randomly try out my really shit rap lyrics on you. Though I am a skinny white boy from the burbs who can't sing, dance or rap. Mandem.

Bagamoyo1 · 26/04/2021 23:18

@TheMoth

I will live in a dark cave, laughing at people on the Internet. I will say nothing, nor interact with anyone, until you say goodnight at 9ish. Then, and only then, will I want to talk to you in great detail.
This, absolutely! I appear to have the ability to turn from the most irrelevant tedious person in the whole world ever, to the most exciting, essential and needed person, at the moment the clock strikes bedtime!
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/04/2021 23:20

This is one from the Before Time - I see you are browsing the books/clothes/other items in shop (delete as appropriate) so I shall walk in front of you, very slowly. When you stop to look at something, I will stop too, but will then do my famous impression of a tit in a trance, so you have to walk round me. I will then overtake you and the whole thing starts again.

Thank his for lockdown - I do all my shopping online now.

tedsletterofthelaw · 26/04/2021 23:22

This thread is hilarious. Made my evening Grin

Here is mine:

Ah, I see we are about to leave the house to go somewhere. You are rushing around packing the kids bags and getting their shoes on. But I've noticed I tiny screw loose on a drawer that is opened twice a year. I must fix it immediately. I will search every cupboard in the house for the correct size screwdriver while you sit in the car with the kids and wait. When I am finally done I will have to return to the house several times for glasses/wallet/phone and we will inevitably arrive at our destination twenty minutes late.

SeaToSki · 26/04/2021 23:23

Come and sit down and chat to me (listen while I witter and pontificate) I havent had a minute with you all day.

Hmm...what about the 45 mins at breakfast when you wittered and got in my way, the hour at lunch while you told me all about how I dont cook properly anymore because we have to throw away so much food (only some and because you refuse to eat leftovers) the 45 mins this afternoon when I had to stand and listen to you tell me how you were going to fix the strapping on the ceiling (which I know nothing about and so cant be helpful) and then the hour after that when you needed me to help you find the tools you needed “because people keep moving them” (no you never put them back) the hour while I was prepping dinner which I had to change last minute as you couldnt possible eat chicken for dinner as you had a chicken sandwich for lunch (maybe there is some relationship here to the food waste issue?)

But thats right we havent had a conversation all day, so now when I am, tired, have got my feet up and am relaxing with a glass of wine and a book, lets chat. 😡

And just as I am extricating myself and picking up the book again, Muuuum. Have you seen my xyz. I need it for school tomorrow

I fantasize about a log cabin in the woods. Sized for one person only.

pintsizeprincess · 26/04/2021 23:25

Can I shout upstairs and ask you lots of pointless questions now you've got the hairdryer on and can't hear me properly. Even though I had ample opportunity when I was stood next to you less than 5 mins ago no I think the best time to talk will be when you won't be able to hear me properly and I can go in the huff that you don't care enough about to listen to me.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/04/2021 23:28

Not thank his - thank heaven for lockdown.

He doe Kitchen Standing too:

Look how helpful I am being. What do you mean, it’s not helpful to put things you’ve got out because you will need them soon - you aren’t using them now so I will put them away or shove them in the dishwasher.

What do you mean it’s not helpful of me to clean the worktop Right Now, before you’ve finished cooking - and don’t I get bonus points for knocking over the carefully made jug full of sweet and sour sauce (using the last of several vital ingredients, so it cannot be easily remade)?

AllotmentTime · 26/04/2021 23:38

Good morning DIL, how nice of you to ask if I’d like a cup of tea. Before I answer, let me tell you in detail how well I slept, even though you have packed lunches to make and children to nag and breakfasts to make and eat. I slept for about six hours initially, or was it five and a half? And then woke at 5, or no that would have been 4.30, wouldn’t it- or maybe that was yesterday. And then I went back to sleep again until just now, but even though that’s really mundane and it’s the same as every day ever, I reckon I can witter on about it for a good few more minutes just to see how late I can make you.

Later when I’ve had my tea and you’re shouting SHOES!!!! at the children for the fifth or sixth time, I’ll come down and get in their way and tell them how smart they look and see if I can delay things a bit more.

If I do it right then all the spaces in the free car park will have gone by the time you get to school, and you’ll have to go in one of the paid bays.

Oo this is a nice cup of tea though, lovely...

Butwasitherdriveway · 26/04/2021 23:44

OMG i hear you.

HOW can't people read body language?!

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/04/2021 23:53

You need an apron on when you're working in the kitchen, surely?

I can see you are busy doing stuff involving sharp knives and hot things
Wandawomble · 27/04/2021 00:05

“Do you think that the trees are better with peaches or with apples on? Isabel is a secretary dog but it’s all about Tom Nook. The developers deliberately put special things in this scene and I haven’t found them yet. There’s five apples and now there’s some pears. Look my island is sunny again but at night it goes dark.” DD age 13 with her face in her Nintendo Switch.

Whilst I am trying to read the same essay for the 13th time.

FlosCampi · 27/04/2021 00:43

Oh you're bent over in your old dressing gown, cleaning out the filter of the dishwasher? I bet you're feeling pretty sexy after being ignored when asking for help with the baby in the night. I expect you'd enjoy having your dangling breasts groped, or failing that some comedy rogerlng actions from behind, while I serenade you with the Benny Hill music.

Ellmau · 27/04/2021 00:46

Ah, I see you're about to dish up, having called me down ten minutes ago. Now is the time I must go to the toilet to spend an hour in there doing God knows what. Obviously I was far too busy on the computer to go before.

Is LOD about to start? I must ring you up for the second time today and keep you on the phone talking about something very non urgent. Just like I did the week before.