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AIBU?

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Original poster

I can see you are busy doing stuff involving sharp knives and hot things

258 replies

EastWestWhosBest · 26/04/2021 19:17

and are really busy but I’m going to stand here and witter on about something you really don’t care about and get in your way. Oh look, here is a YouTube video about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
EastWestWhosBest · 26/04/2021 20:26

My mother is very blunt and will not tolerate anyone in the kitchen when she is busy and will tell people to bugger off.
DH thinks I get it from her, not that it’s actually annoying.

OP posts:
PlumKetchup · 26/04/2021 20:26

I can see that you're making our evening meal, but I'm hungry now so I'm going to get in your way and stink the kitchen out with my revolting noodles, which I will burn on to the bottom of the pan. I'll then fling this in to the sink to soak in an inch of cold greasy water. I have now spoiled my appetite so I won't eat the meal you made me.

iklboo · 26/04/2021 20:28

I really need to tell you what the fish are doing and what I bought to feed the birds. Here's something on FB (shoves phone 1mm away from my eyeball.

I fancy X - reaches right across me while I'm in the middle of chopping. Like right under my nose.

While I'm reading out recipe, asks incredulously about an item.

'Salt'
'Salt? Are you sure?'
'Yes, I've been reading over 45 years, I know what the word says'

Wheresme? (Where's me hat, keys, trainers)

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 26/04/2021 20:33

I've just looked in the living room and checked DH is still there, happily engrossed on a Zoom call with his hobby mates. Not in your kitchen Grin

ToffeePennie · 26/04/2021 20:35

Hang on here’s some vitally important facts on minecraft and a question as to where that really obviously placed thing has gone to....

AmyDudley · 26/04/2021 20:39

I see you have installed yourself in a quiet part of the house so you can read your book.

Allow me to enhance your relaxing experience by bursting in to describe a you tube video I have just been sent by one of my idiot friends. To make it easier for you to understand, while I am describing it I will laugh hysterically and gasp out my words so all you hear is a ludicrous shrieking noise.

Ah I see you have abandoned your book - my work here is done.

FreezerBird · 26/04/2021 20:41

@SuddenArborealStop

You need a spoon? Let me block the drawer.

A pot you say? Let me block the cupboard.

Oh I'll just head to the fridge with my insane ability to know where you'll be next and block it unnecessarily Angry

I think my husband has learned to bilocate. I can see him in front of me and yet he is also in your kitchen.
TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER · 26/04/2021 20:42

I’m pretty sure I put my daughter to bed but she seems to be in your house OP

GenuineViolet · 26/04/2021 20:44

"Oh, (excitedly) did I tell you I saw Joe Semolina this morning? He lives over near Scrudmantofts now! He got married for the second time last week!"

My husband worked with Joe Semolina 25 years ago, has never ever mentioned him to me before, and I've never met him. This sort of crap goes on every day.

stackthecats · 26/04/2021 20:45

@EastWestWhosBest

I’m going to hug you now and then get all offended and insecure because you don’t hug me back.

Oh this. All the time this.

I can see you're just waking up and in desperate need of coffee, but I'm going to stick my hands under the duvet and grope your arse, then get offended that you don't like it and complain that my advances are always rebuffed.
ZoeMaye · 26/04/2021 20:46

DC1 : I can see you are draining the boiling hot pasta whilst bare foot. I feel like this is the perfect moment to poke you mid-spine with a straw when you do not realise I am there.

Me: Just why?

DC2: I see you have the wok out and have the heat on full. I feel this is the perfect time to unexpectedly lick your elbow.

Me: Seriously? Why would you do that!

DC3: I see you are peeling vegetables. I feel this is the optimum time to pinch your cutting arm and then throw a fork at you.

Me: Right, I'm done. Bedtime...

All 3 DC: but it's 10am

Me: it's still bedtime

sausagepastapot · 26/04/2021 20:48

I'm making cereal right now, then I'm sitting down with my coffee- do you want any cereal? No? Ok

Are you sure? No?

Great. I'm now going to sit down with my coffee.

Er, now you have decided you actually do want cereal? Go fuck yourself.

TheTestOfTime · 26/04/2021 20:49

I can see that you’re up a ladder painting the bedroom walls but please can you come right now to sweep the patio whilst I use the pressure washer to clean it.

MarieKlepto · 26/04/2021 20:50

"Look Marie, look, look, look!!!!!!" Squealed at seemingly amazing events like a man in a brightly coloured hat walking down the street outside the house. 59 years old. Fifty fucking nine.

HermitsLife · 26/04/2021 20:53

@PlumKetchup

I can see that you're making our evening meal, but I'm hungry now so I'm going to get in your way and stink the kitchen out with my revolting noodles, which I will burn on to the bottom of the pan. I'll then fling this in to the sink to soak in an inch of cold greasy water. I have now spoiled my appetite so I won't eat the meal you made me.
I'm sorry my son appears to be living with you. Send him back any time (just make sure he's fed and packed some clean underwear first)
ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 26/04/2021 20:54

DH thinks I'm looking for something of his that he can't find, and that I've never seen/touched. since the last time he couldn't find them

AGAIN.

I've already found 2 things for him this week - neither of them anything to do with me - and it's only Monday.

If there's a 3rd in 3 days I'm going to LTB.

AliasGrape · 26/04/2021 20:55

I know you have been grappling with grumpy, teething velcro baby on your own all day so I will entertain her for a bit whilst you start dinner. I will wait till you are involved with boiling water and hot oil and I will start shouting 'did you see that?' at you repeatedly even though theres no possible way you could have given you are in another room and do not possess the ability to see through walls. I will then demand you 'come and look at this' repeatedly until you eventually relent and leave the food at a crucial moment to look at the baby doing something she does approximately 50 times a day. (Yes she's a joy and a wonder but after the first 100 times she pulled herself to standing against the sofa I really don't need to be there to witness every instance)

I know that you're trying to get that same baby to sleep but let me just stand in the doorway and start whispering a story at you about several people at work that you have never met although you have heard of them the last time I told you this story or one very like it. You need to hear it again now, and it's ok that my voice is getting louder and louder because in my defence I did start off by whispering.

WarOnWomen · 26/04/2021 20:59

I can see you are busy picking up food and trying desperately to remember what else you need from the shopping list that I asked to hold but l dropped somewhere but I'm going to monologue ten to a dozen about random Roblox characters and get all offended when I ask you questions and you answer you don't know and to please let you concentrate. I'm subdued all of 30 seconds before I start firing questions off again.

PriestessofPing · 26/04/2021 21:00

I can see you are prepping dinner and you have offered other times to chat including already listening to my narration of the review of the latest episode of the latest Marvel TV series. But, you see, just now some youtubers had a reaction to the reaction video and they think they’ve found some extra easter eggs that fit with this fan theory about how the comics relate to the next 1,000 Marvel shows coming up. Can’t listen now? I can return instead to my description of the latest spat on Instagram between the D.C. and Marvel fandom I paused earlier?

Why are you crying, mum??

scaredsadandstuck · 26/04/2021 21:02

Pokémon evolving...

Shergill15 · 26/04/2021 21:05

Let me ask you an inane question whilst you are clearly busy doing something. Before you have even got halfway through answering let me interrupt you with the same bloody question!! And repeat this process several times. Ah, you are chopping something with a very sharp knife? Let me silently materialise next to you and suddenly and inexplicably grab the arm holding said very sharp knife as its imperative I tell you a very long winded and confusing story about My Little Pony characters (DD, 6)

countrygirl99 · 26/04/2021 21:06

I know you always get back from walking through dogs at the same time every day and want breakfast before starting work but I will pick that precise moment to stand in the middle of the narrow kitchen to inject my insulin, though I may vary it by unloading the dishwasher instead.

RiojaRose · 26/04/2021 21:06

I will interrupt the most important Zoom meeting you’ve had in six months, while you’re speaking to 80 people about something complex and challenging, because I need to get my car keys in order to move my car back eight inches after parking it imperfectly three days ago. No, it can’t wait 15 minutes. No, I’m not planning to go anywhere, I just want to move the car right now.

MouseInCatsClaws · 26/04/2021 21:06

Having an early night love? Yes, I know how exhausted you've been, sleep well.
I'll periodically and unexpectedly whistle every so often, I know how relaxing you find it. And I know, I'll spontaneously hum a few choruses over the next hour or so till I go to bed myself. Just so you know I'm still here

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 26/04/2021 21:08

This is the reason when I’m making my (amazing) roast potatoes that I slam shut the kitchen door whilst yelling HOT FAT HOT FAT