To ask if this would offend you?

[TrinidadQueen]

At the weekend, DP and I went to a friends and met a neighbour of hers. I genuinely thought she was 19 and asked if she was at university. She went bright red and snapped at me that she was 37 then looked like she was going to cry.
Aibu to say this should really be a compliment? I would have been over the moon if I were on the receiving end of that comment.

@Pictish I actually misremembered the OP and thought she had asked “which University are you at?”. My concern was that this would make a 19 year-old uncomfortable if they were not at University and I wondered what had possessed OP to make this assumption, so was angling for an explanation. However I now see that she asked the woman IF she was at University. Still has a little bit of potential to touch a nerve but not so bad.

Weird reaction. Since turning 40 I’ve been id’d twice and had someone else think I was 30 the same age as they were. I was so flattered.

If my DH shaves off his beard, he looks substantially younger than his 39 years. Way back before he had permanent facial hair, I used to get offended as people thought I was considerably older than him when we are the same age so I can assure you that people do make assumptions about men based on their appearance. And he's not a particularly short man, it is just his baby face.

Also, most shops do 'Challenge 25' so people who are 30ish getting ID'd doesn't really surprise me as it can be easy to mistake 30 and 25.

I would've hugged you if you said that to me!

@TatianaBis

Most women would be delighted to be taken for 20 years younger.

She obviously has her issues with it.

Not when they're 38 and wanting to be treated as the mature adult they are.

Maybe at 58, yes.

How the hell can it be sexism !

I used to get this a lot too and hated it. I generally went about life thinking I was on a par with my peers then something like that happens and you wonder if actually people don't really take you seriously.

I last got ID'd at 38 and when the cashier was looking at my diving licence the woman behind helpfully piped up "oh come on, she's got grey hairs!" Yes, yes I have -thanks, complete stranger! I did see the funny side but urgh.

Was there some context that made you think she was 19? Why 19, specifically?
Maybe she assumed you were taking the piss.

as someone who looks young yes it is bothering when people constantly point out your a duckling that never grew into a swan.

I went to look at wedding dresses once and the shop assistant bounded over and redirected me loudly and enthusiastically to their new prom range asking if Im excited schools nearly over, I was 25 and a mother... it was embarrasing and I left without even seeing any wedding dresses.

that doesnt count for the constant IDing, the inability to get served if I forget my purse with my drivers license in (not even just for alcohol, I have been turned to to buy energy drinks and hairspray before) and the time an Asda cashier accused me of being an underage teen using my 'baby brother' as ID (it was my 4 year old son hense him calling me 'mam').

So yes its a touchy subject.

@Margerine78

My mum's neighbour thought I was a student returning home from Uni when I visited in my 30's. I bloody loved it! In my mid-40's now...those mistakes/compliments don't happen anymore sadly!

Sounds like your friend's neighbour is one of those annoying hypersensitive people, why bloody cry about it and make you feel awkward? It was harmless at worst, a huge compliment at best!

But there's been at least a dozen examples on here as to why it might not be harmless or a compliment, at least take other peoples opinions on board.

@Itstheprinciple

If my DH shaves off his beard, he looks substantially younger than his 39 years. Way back before he had permanent facial hair, I used to get offended as people thought I was considerably older than him when we are the same age so I can assure you that people do make assumptions about men based on their appearance. And he's not a particularly short man, it is just his baby face.

Also, most shops do 'Challenge 25' so people who are 30ish getting ID'd doesn't really surprise me as it can be easy to mistake 30 and 25.

this is another thing theres 4 years between me a DH, and people have made comments about him being a 'pedo' to me because 'why would he be with someone so young' because they assume Im barely legal and he looks his age (mid-30s).

@Cccc1111

Weird reaction. Since turning 40 I’ve been id’d twice and had someone else think I was 30 the same age as they were. I was so flattered.

But thats 3 instances.

this is another thing theres 4 years between me a DH, and people have made comments about him being a 'pedo' to me because 'why would he be with someone so young' because they assume Im barely legal and he looks his age (mid-30s).

What people?

Had you been speaking to her for awhile?
I think it might have come across that you thought she was younger because she sounded immature?

Not when they're 38 and wanting to be treated as the mature adult they are.

Maybe at 58, yes.

At 38 I was very happy to be taken for 18. I was a confident mature adult so being taken for a teenager was flattering.

mam0918 day before my wedding I got a "child bride" comment from my sil. She did have the grace to try and back peddle but hard not to think it let slip how she views me. I like your ugly duckling analogy.

When faced with a child or young person, why is it that the default question is invariably to do with their education?

@Tambora

When faced with a child or young person, why is it that the default question is invariably to do with their education?

Agreed, it should be to ask what they want to be when they grow up

In my first year at University I often had my four year old son with me if I went in to hand in work (the days when you had to submit a hard copy in person.) We’d go to the refectory for a drink. The amount of times I’d get asked how I’d managed my A levels with him and did I take a break at school when he was born were among the questions regularly asked.
I was 29, a homeowner and had been married for six years at that point. They assumed I was 18. It’s not always a complement.

Yet responded like she was a12 yo...

I was once asked if I attended the local secondary school after I had been working for several years. All my life people have thought I am younger than I actually am - I find it rather nice. Her reaction sounds rather odd to me. Imagine if you had thought she was 37 when she was 19 - far worse.

I get that it may be frustrating to have your age misjudged but most people would laugh shrug it off and say if only I'd got a pound for every time I've heard that!

I get ID'd all the time. I'm 43...and whilst that might be kind of ok, it's less ok at work, where people assume I'm the junior.

I’m frequently mistaken for being in my early 20s (I’m mid-late 30s), I’m always flattered, means I’m ageing well but I know that it really pisses some people off strangely! Its definitely an odd reaction either way though.

At 39 I’m taken way more seriously than I was at 19. A few years younger is a complement, a different generation is another matter.