To ask if this would offend you?

[TrinidadQueen]

At the weekend, DP and I went to a friends and met a neighbour of hers. I genuinely thought she was 19 and asked if she was at university. She went bright red and snapped at me that she was 37 then looked like she was going to cry.
Aibu to say this should really be a compliment? I would have been over the moon if I were on the receiving end of that comment.

Constantly being mistaken for a teen when you have kids and are really in your late 30s can be shit. My friend gets mistaken for her primary aged kids sibling or babysitter and she is 37, she hates it. Short and petite so people see her as more of a child.

@littlepattilou I have 2 friends in their 30s that do. Youthful ladies.

Regardless of age OP, asking someone if they are in Uni (like it’s the only option for a 19 years old) is such a funny thing to say 🤣 and this is from someone who went to Uni.

I would be overjoyed if someone said that to me.

Also, you need glasses if you mistook at woman who is nearly 40, for 19! No woman of nearly 40 looks 19. No way. Everyone looks their age within 5-8 years in either direction, when you look properly.

This 🤣 I’m mid 30s and a cashier wouldn’t sell my boyfriend beers because I was with him!

I did wonder if she needed an eye test! I have lines in my face normal for a woman in her mid 30s 😆

It didn’t make me feel good either, I felt patronised and like a child!

OP I’m 35 and when I meet someone new I’m shy and very introverted and if they ask me a personal question out of context and in front of people I go bright red and can find myself being a bit standoffish because I can feel myself going red. Defence mechanism. Maybe she’s a bit like me and was flustered. Try not to read too much into it. If you genuinely thought she was student age then asking someone if they go to uni isn’t an offensive question.

Hello (me)
Can’t talk on the quests at Asda (them in a bad mood because I called)
How the jell did know where you were

Don’t take their reaction to be because of what you said.. you believed she was young . It’s her hang up , you could be the 28th person to say something about her age but her reaction is about the situation as a whole not what you said as a one off

[quote littlepattilou]@TrinidadQueen YABU. As a few posters have said, you cannot assume everyone goes to university.

Also, you need glasses if you mistook at woman who is nearly 40, for 19! No woman of nearly 40 looks 19. No way. Everyone looks their age within 5-8 years in either direction, when you look properly.

And regarding a few posts here; if someone knocks someone's door, and a woman in her 30s (or older) answers, and they ask where her parents are, they must either be pissed, or they really seriously need a sight test. Again, no woman in her 30s looks like a bloody schoolkid![/quote]
I'm in my 30s and often mistaken for a teenager. I've been IDed for Ibuprofen several times and people who knock at the door ask for my parents. I have a 9 year old DD who is almost taller than me, people assume I'm her sister. Midget goth, no one thinks I'm as old as I really am unless they know me.

Bloody hell, I'd cry if someone said that to me - WITH JOY!!!

Yanbu

Actually a lot of women can pass for a lot younger. Just looking through one of my daughters celebrity magazines and the actress who plays Ruby in Eastenders is 32. She could almost definitely pass for 19. Also, Jenna Louise Coleman, Tina O'brien and Jorgie Porter. Again, all women in their thirties but could pass for late teens to twenties. All have petite statures in common and young faces. I even think the little mix girls look young for women nearly pushing 30. It definitely isn't unheard of.
In my personal life I know a 33 Yr old who honest to God looks 18 and is the spit of Louisa Lytton. Yes it is unusual to look years younger but definitely not unheard of.

If she does look exceptionally young, she probably gets fed up of this kind of bullshit. I imagine it can be tough looking a lot younger than you actually are, perhaps people don’t take her seriously as a result.

[quote lovepickledlimes]@TableFlowerss there is a difference between looking young and youthful for your age and being considered a child[/quote]
She didn’t think she was a child, she thought she was 19.

99% of women want to look younger, good god it’s all you see on TV, creams, lotions, potions and the like.

No one wants to look old and so as much as it might get annoying, if for example she couldn’t buy alcohol and had to go home to get her ID, it’s hardly worth crying over.

So whilst it might piss her off now, when she is older she might wish that she was so youthful looking, like 99% of the population

You'd be surprised how annoying it can get. I once genuinely had a health care professional ask "what [my] business was being in a place like this at [my] age", a "place like this" being pre-op for surgical management of a missed miscarriage She obviously thought I was too young and irresponsible to get pregnant. I was 22 (so I guess quite young) but at that age got comments like that all the time (looked around 16) and used to go to great pains to tell everyone - including her - that I was married and a postgrad. I genuinely felt so embarrassed by it at times.

Then I had my kids and aged a decade overnight, so I probably would like to be mistaken for younger now...

@TableFlowerss 19 is practically a child and you still very much get treated in a very patronizing manner if you look it. It is so hard to be taken seriously if you look that young

@Weeedonkey

Also, you need glasses if you mistook at woman who is nearly 40, for 19! No woman of nearly 40 looks 19. No way. Everyone looks their age within 5-8 years in either direction, when you look properly.

This 🤣 I’m mid 30s and a cashier wouldn’t sell my boyfriend beers because I was with him!

I did wonder if she needed an eye test! I have lines in my face normal for a woman in her mid 30s 😆

It didn’t make me feel good either, I felt patronised and like a child!

@Weeedonkey my mum once had a mega tantrum in Tesco trying to buy her weekly shop with a bottle of wine and the cashier wouldn't serve her because she was with a teenage me. Cue lots of huffing "this is a NICE bottle of wine, if I was going to give alcohol to teenagers I'd buy bacardi breezers!"

[quote littlepattilou]@TrinidadQueen YABU. As a few posters have said, you cannot assume everyone goes to university.

Also, you need glasses if you mistook at woman who is nearly 40, for 19! No woman of nearly 40 looks 19. No way. Everyone looks their age within 5-8 years in either direction, when you look properly.

And regarding a few posts here; if someone knocks someone's door, and a woman in her 30s (or older) answers, and they ask where her parents are, they must either be pissed, or they really seriously need a sight test. Again, no woman in her 30s looks like a bloody schoolkid![/quote]
This scenario actually did happen to me when I was 36. Bought a house and a few weeks in there was a knock on door - It was the local window cleaner.

He asked if my mam was in 😮 I explained I own the house and I am the mam!

[quote lovepickledlimes]@TableFlowerss 19 is practically a child and you still very much get treated in a very patronizing manner if you look it. It is so hard to be taken seriously if you look that young[/quote]
I can understand that but that’s actually I’m saying when she does kick in (assuming it does) you wonder if she’ll wish she still looked young. Perhaps not if she’s had so much trouble but it would be interesting to find out.

when age does kick in I mean

I remember the postman once asking mum which school my sister was at. He had said hello to her as she ran out the door to go to work (wearing a plain blue suit). She was 24 at the time.

Even if you assumed she was 19, why would you ask if she’s at uni? So weird, and could sound very judgmental

I spent much of my life being seen as significantly younger than I was. And believe me, it's not the compliment that some people think it is.

You think there's a glass ceiling for women in the workplace? Now be that 5' 0" petite 36 year old professional who expects to be taken seriously but is patted on the head (literally), treated like a child, and has their ideas and opinions ignored.

The people on here who've said that she should have taken it as a compliment and how they'd be ecstatic - well believe me, in that position you'd feel very differently.

I went to a lovely wedding once for the evening part. When we arrived, a beautifully dressed girl floated over to us, with a warm welcome and gave us a quick tour of the gardens, bar etc. Without thinking I asked if she was a bridesmaid and her manner changed as she snapped 'No. Are you?'.

I felt so bad after but was only going off social cues. I don't know why she took such umbrage though.. maybe she thought it was a dig at her dress.

@FictionalCharacter

I winced because this used to happen to me. It doesn’t feel like a compliment, it’s a reminder that you’re seen as less mature, capable and accomplished than you are and get treated accordingly - disrespected, talked down to and your authority undermined. Her reaction suggests she gets this a lot.

This! People think it’s ok to tell someone how young they look, some people might like the compliment, others who have been passed over for work and underestimated in their abilities for years due to looking young will not like it. No one will find out someone is 35 when they look 55 and say “oh you look so old” and it’s exactly the same thing. People don’t comment on people looking old or being overweight but comment on people looking young.

@saraclara try looking young and prefering a cream, white, pink and pastels as your colour pallet. I do at times wonder if some people draw the wrong conclusion when they see me with fiancé. Especially now with masks it's even harder to tell

I winced because this used to happen to me. It doesn’t feel like a compliment, it’s a reminder that you’re seen as less mature, capable and accomplished than you are and get treated accordingly - disrespected, talked down to and your authority undermined. Her reaction suggests she gets this a lot.

So much this!

I’ve manned a stand at events for the company I work for only for people to bypass me and go to my colleagues. One woman even said to my colleague “SHE is your manager?” in my earshot.

When people exclaim loudly, ‘how old?’ and then squeal ‘omg guess how old weeemonkey is’ I don’t feel flattered, I feel demeaned and immature. Especially when you get a comment “you don’t dress your age!” I’m 34 not 84!!