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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boasting In-Laws

190 replies

Coo5 · 25/04/2021 18:12

I'm genuinely shocked that an in-law family member of mine has taken to social media, specifically Facebook, to brag about being mortgage free, at a fairly young age. We knew they were, but it seems in such poor taste, even more so in the middle of a pandemic when families are struggling. My ewww factor is off the charts, I thought she had class.

OP posts:
BootsieBarnes · 26/04/2021 07:42

Are you angry with your brother in law too given that he probably took the picture?

sHREDDIES19 · 26/04/2021 08:27

See I don’t think this is unacceptable as we are all living our lives and it’s nice to share the good things! We paid our mortgage off a few years ago and guess what it was down to saving hard and being very frugal over 11 years. I decided not to share as I’m quite private but don’t judge others who share big news. So does that mean people shouldn’t share baby news as it’s insensitive to those who can’t have / have lost children? We can’t pussy foot through life. Yes it’s courteous to be considerate of others but not so that it curtails your own life and choices. If you don’t like her update, simply scroll on by.

JustLyra · 26/04/2021 08:40

Celebrating an inheritance is extremely crass.

I like Facebook and the likes for things like this. It’s a very good window to who people actually are.

LolaSmiles · 26/04/2021 08:41

sHREDDIES19
Sharing good news isn't the same as bragging.
Only on MN do people seem very confused between the 2 and resort to 'but does that mean nobody can ever say anything nice happens?'

Why would someone want to tell everyone on social media their financial situation? It's worse when either they're hiding the fact it comes from inheritance and want a pat on the back for being mortgage free when they did nothing for it, or they have acknowledged they had inheritance in which case it's celebrating that someone's death has improved your finances.
Why anyone would do that, especially knowing that family of the deceased would see, is beyond me.

FWIW, I know of several friends who are mortgage free. Some were lucky and moved from an expensive area to a cheap area, some deliberately bought a smaller property and overpaid, some took redundancy and retired early. It came up in conversation, but none of them announced on social media.

minniemomo · 26/04/2021 08:45

Not classy but it kind of depends on how it was worded. Eg can't believe that is my last mortgage payment, never thought it would happen. Isn't really bragging, more just being happy. Whereas bragging that I made lots of good choices and if you had you would be like me is not on. I wouldn't read too much into it

Bluntness100 · 26/04/2021 08:48

I’d agree, the death was probably some time ago, dealing with an estate, then passing probate is not a quick activity, particularly worse now due to Covid, then being able to pay the mortgage off without penalty, usually takes until the end of the deal.

So saying I’m delighted to habe paid the mortgage off is likely simoly about the mortgage

I think it’s clear the op hates her sister in law with a vengeance. The whole ashen and livid husband is a bit more unusual though.

Orchidflower1 · 26/04/2021 09:00

I think it’s clear the op hates her sister in law with a vengeance. The whole ashen and livid husband is a bit more unusual though.

It’s not clear at all. My dh would be livid if that was one of his siblings.@Coo5is NOT saying she hates her SIL. She is saying she thinks it’s rude, unfeeling and vulgar to celebrate paying off your mortgage because a parent has died! Even more so in these times!

Celebrate paying off with your lotto win, celebrate working for 40 years to pay it off. Don’t celebrate because her husbands parent has died! Probate may take time. Her husband is still grieving though!

KarensChoppyBob · 26/04/2021 09:03

How would you feel if it were your parent Bluntness?

saraclara · 26/04/2021 09:05

@Catswithflamingos

How dare people celebrate their achievements 🙄
What was the achievement here? Did they murder the person who died and left them the inheritance?
Lanique · 26/04/2021 09:08

Agree with everything @LolaSmiles has said on this thread.

rarat · 26/04/2021 09:08

I think it’s clear the op hates her sister in law with a vengeance. That's a leap! Hate is a strong word, how can you possibly know the OP feels like that?

rarat · 26/04/2021 09:11

Probate may take time. Her husband is still grieving though!

I didn't realise there was a timeframe, better tell DH who lost his dad last year. We also received some inheritance, strangely no one got in touch to congratulate us on our good fortune 🤔

ClarkeGriffin · 26/04/2021 09:11

So I'm assuming that everyone on here who thinks op is unreasonable would be totally happy at someone else celebrating the death of their parent because it meant that person got a free house and a nice holiday out of them dying?

Considering how mothers day threads on here go, I REALLY don't believe any of you that you would turn a blind eye to someone celebrating the death of your mother. Hmm

rarat · 26/04/2021 09:13

@ClarkeGriffin if it happened in RL conversation it would be outrageous but because its via social media the OP is just jealous & bitter.

saraclara · 26/04/2021 09:14

@apooagnuandyou

He came back from work this evening ashen, and livid.

how does he react when there are real problems?

Good God. The man has had a bereavement. What more do you want for a real problem?

And his SIL posts on FB, bubbly in hand, celebrating that his parents death has paid off her mortgage. I'd be livid too.

ClarkeGriffin · 26/04/2021 09:15

[quote rarat]@ClarkeGriffin if it happened in RL conversation it would be outrageous but because its via social media the OP is just jealous & bitter. [/quote]
So you would be OK with someone celebrating the death of your mother with champagne, and no doubt going round in rl telling people this? Because let's face it, if they are bragging on FB, they are doing it in rl too.

Odd but maybe you didn't have a good relationship with your mum.

apooagnuandyou · 26/04/2021 09:17

ClarkeGriffin

but that's not what the thread is about...if you read the actual OP, there's 0 mention of the loss of a family member. The drip feed only came later when not everybody praised the OP for having such impeccable taste, being morally superior and right to be bitching about her in-laws.

When you read the last post, you have the whole story!

As soon as you stand up for yourself in here, that awful pack mentality kicks in this is classic Grin
I mean, it's one way to describe bitching about a family member on a public forum and others disagreeing with you!

rarat · 26/04/2021 09:20

@ClarkeGriffin I was agreeing with you but that is how some posters think. Lots of things that aren't acceptable in RL somehow are fine on SM.

rarat · 26/04/2021 09:20

because not but

Original poster
Coo5 · 26/04/2021 09:21

Tough audience....I suppose its my own fault for taking on the keyboard warriors, but I am genuinely saddened at some of the nasty comments. We lost someone we loved, and I definitely did not hate my sil, but probably do dislike her now. It's hard to turn a blind eye, once you know their core. It was off. She could have out of courtesy chosen specific friends to see this news. Her husband was in the photo, and as my husband said "looked decidedly uncomfortable". Some of you need to stop projecting your own narratives onto me. There are some truly dark souls on this thread.

OP posts:
apooagnuandyou · 26/04/2021 09:22

I am actually curious Bluntness.

In the various drip-feeds, the OP is trying to imply they heard of the loss a family member, and within the same hour someone posted about being mortgage free on FB.

The story is changing quite a lot, but I think that's where we are now!

rarat · 26/04/2021 09:23

but that's not what the thread is about...if you read the actual OP, there's 0 mention of the loss of a family member. The drip feed only came later when not everybody praised the OP for having such impeccable taste, being morally superior and right to be bitching about her in-laws.

That's not true though, the OP mentioned inheritance a short while after her OP & it was clear what they meant (to me at least). Only 2 people disagreed with the OP before she even mentioned inheritance & 7 agreed with her. Maybe we can see different posts?

MenoMom · 26/04/2021 09:25

Criticising what people post on social media always brings a very strong response, and i've seen it get nasty before.
I think what your in-law did was crass and hurtful, not surprised that your husband is so upset. They sound awful.

Orchidflower1 · 26/04/2021 09:25

@rarat

Probate may take time. Her husband is still grieving though!

I didn't realise there was a timeframe, better tell DH who lost his dad last year. We also received some inheritance, strangely no one got in touch to congratulate us on our good fortune 🤔

I wasn’t being arsy- i think you have misread my post.I was commenting on the person who said because probate had been granted therefore the grieving must be done- it’s not. Sorry your husband lost his family @rarat.
rarat · 26/04/2021 09:25

@Coo5 just ignore them. As I said above most people would find the circumstances hurtful & distasteful. People who do these sort of things don't like to be judged though although they love to judge others 😆

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