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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boasting In-Laws

190 replies

Coo5 · 25/04/2021 18:12

I'm genuinely shocked that an in-law family member of mine has taken to social media, specifically Facebook, to brag about being mortgage free, at a fairly young age. We knew they were, but it seems in such poor taste, even more so in the middle of a pandemic when families are struggling. My ewww factor is off the charts, I thought she had class.

OP posts:
FizzyApricot · 25/04/2021 20:25

@rarat

So what can you celebrate on fb??

Best to avoid death me thinks

I would agree with this. Generally not a good idea to celebrate getting money from someone's death.
Bluntness100 · 25/04/2021 20:30

This is really quite a common theme on here. You can’t post anything that may be a positive for you in face book in case you make someone else jealous because they can’t have the same.

So if you loose weight, you should never be pictured in your fitness gear in case it upsets someone struggling with their weight.
If you get lots of presents or give them, you must never post it in case someone can’t provide the same
If your kid gets good grades you can never post it in case someone else’s kid didn’t.
If you have a financial windfall you must never mention it in case it pisses off someone on your friends list as they don’t have the same.

It’s unbelievable really.

Mum2jenny · 25/04/2021 20:34

I’m guessing many ppl could pay off their mortgage if they wanted. I could but if you ever need a loan it’s much cheaper to extend the mortgage, so I’m not going to.

Bluntness100 · 25/04/2021 20:36

So what can you celebrate on fb??

There is literally nothing. Even those people are supposed to be your friends and family, some of them will attack, like the op. Call you names. Go on line and abuse you for it.

There is nothing you can post.

CervixHaver · 25/04/2021 20:37

@Sometimeswinning

So what can you celebrate on fb?? You sound jealous to me. You can say its classless but she has more money left over each month than you I'm guessing. Waits for comment re being super rich
There's never a thread about a FB post without the mandatory "You sound jealous"

Bingo!

Original poster
Coo5 · 25/04/2021 20:38

@Sometimeswinning

So what can you celebrate on fb?? You sound jealous to me. You can say its classless but she has more money left over each month than you I'm guessing. Waits for comment re being super rich
What a random comment about my finances, given that I am a complete stranger to you. Unlike my in-law my finances are my business. No jealousy involved, just distaste.
OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 25/04/2021 20:44

There's never a thread about a FB post without the mandatory "You sound jealous"

Generally for good reason, it’s often envy driving it.

rarat · 25/04/2021 20:50

There is literally nothing. Even those people are supposed to be your friends and family, some of them will attack, like the op. Call you names. Go on line and abuse you for it.

There is nothing you can post.

Not sure about your family but mine would have a stern word if I was "celebrating" a windfall due to a relatives demise!

rarat · 25/04/2021 20:51

Generally for good reason, it’s often envy driving it.

Must be the same for the AIBU threads

WorraLiberty · 25/04/2021 20:53

I couldn't be anything other than happy for them to be honest.

People post all sorts of things on Facebook and if you try really hard you can be offended by just about anything.

Posts about kids = In poor taste if some people want but can't have them.

Posts about holidays = In poor taste if some people have lost their jobs.

Posts about weddings = In poor taste if some people have just split with their spouse.

Post about your new puppy = Barbara and John have just had their put to sleep.

Christ the list is endless. Paying off your mortgage (no matter how it's done) is a massive thing and a great relief. Why shouldn't they post about it if they're that way inclined?

WorraLiberty · 25/04/2021 20:57

In law by marriage, and its better to vent here, than tackle her head on. Which I have no problem with, but out of respect for my other half I don't. Family dynamics are a strange thing, and to keep the peace I share here instead.

And as for that ^^. Why the fuck would you 'tackle her head on' for posting on her own timeline?

That's a really shit excuse for taking to social media to slag off your SIL, in the hope the complete strangers where will join in.

Now my 'ewww factor is off the charts'. Your OP is about as classy as a rat's fart.

Tambora · 25/04/2021 21:01

Celebrating an event or achievement of some sort - fine.

Bragging about your finances - common.

rarat · 25/04/2021 21:01

That's a really shit excuse for taking to social media to slag off your SIL, in the hope the complete strangers where will join in.

What would you call a good excuse?

Also do you understand how AIBU works? It's literally complete strangers agreeing or disagreeing about loads of random views, opinions, etc .
I know! mind blowing

LolaSmiles · 25/04/2021 21:03

CervixHaver
The jealousy one comes up a lot. It's a nice little way to dismiss an OP.

It's funny because most people offline seem to know what boasting is and have no difficulty understanding the difference between sharing good news or talking about happy things and bragging/boasting, but come on Mumsnet and dozens of people will claim they have absolutely no idea what boasting is, especially when social media is concerned.

It's disingenuous faux naivety, just like on threads where a poster is frustrated at talks someone always talking loudly and at length about their child's amazing talents and how the teacher says DC is simply the best athlete ever etc, and whereas offline most people would know exactly what sort of braggy parent it is, dozens of people on here will pile on the OP to tell her off. There's then the inevitable 'how sad that nobody can ever say anything nice about their child in case the jealous mums at the gate take offence'.

Giantrooster · 25/04/2021 21:03

It seems that those who can't be happy for others, get much joy out of flaming them for their achievements.

Long live faecesbook.

ShanghaiDiva · 25/04/2021 21:04

Their page, their choice.

Not particularly classy to share details about your in laws’ finances on mumsnet.

Lanique · 25/04/2021 21:06

I came off FB over two years ago and guess what, I have zero interest in trumpeting my good news and achievements to all and sundry. The more time you are off it, the more you realise how bonkers the whole sharing-everything-with-the-girl-you-sat-next-to-in-year-10-science thing is.

We did once live in a world where we didn't feel the need to shout our life from the rooftops, it's become so normalised now 🤷🏻‍♀️

Op YANBU. Ours could well be paid off next year but I won't even tell close family members because they may well not be as lucky as us.

Original poster
Coo5 · 25/04/2021 21:14

It's like a swinging pendulum in here, kindness to vitriol in a nanosecond. Haters can do one. Decent reasonable people thank you. Laters, bored now.

OP posts:
Sometimeswinning · 25/04/2021 22:01

It's like a swinging pendulum in here, kindness to vitriol in a nanosecond. Haters can do one. Decent reasonable people thank you. Laters, bored now.

Guessing the decent and reasonable agree with you? Classy post. Not sure you can judge anyone on class after that! Just unfollow. There is alot of pride/boasting on fb. Most of us just scroll.

Bluntness100 · 25/04/2021 22:11

It’s very hard to tell often if someone is bragging or if the person reading is so jealous they perceive it as such.

Whomever this person is, they inherited a lot of money, so it’s possible it was their parent who died. Very few people would brag in that circumstance, but they may well mention it, within the right terms. Particularly if they loved their parent.

The ops insinuation of bragging is distasteful if the person wasn’t, because it insinuates something very horrific about their feelings about the death of a loved one. If the person was bragging then it indicates there was something very wrong in the relationship with the person who died. Either way something would be very wrong.

Or , potentially they were not remotely bragging but the ops consumed by envy and that’s how she’s perceived it.

Sunflowers095 · 25/04/2021 22:12

@Coo5

I'm genuinely shocked that an in-law family member of mine has taken to social media, specifically Facebook, to brag about being mortgage free, at a fairly young age. We knew they were, but it seems in such poor taste, even more so in the middle of a pandemic when families are struggling. My ewww factor is off the charts, I thought she had class.
Wow you seem incredibly bitter and quite horrible.

While not everyone who works hard gets to be mortgage free, it's something to be proud of for many people. Someone young who overpaid their mortgage instead of up-sizing or buying designer clothes is wise money management. It can equal hard work.

With that logic people from countries where education costs money shouldn't be proud of completing a degree because it's tacky to let everyone know you could afford to.

Bluntness100 · 25/04/2021 22:15

Op are you one of the families struggling?

LolaSmiles · 25/04/2021 22:20

Bluntness100
I do see what you mean to a point, but still think announcing to everyone that you're mortgage free is quite boastful.

A lot will probably come down to the norms when they were growing up and in their social group.

I can think of some situations where I'd discuss my financial situation, but it would be conversations with specific people, not a group announcement. I'd no more write about my mortgage on Facebook than I would put it in a group text, or announce it at the pub. Same with inheritances or announcing house values or salaries. There are times and places where they might come up with close friends but essentially saying "look how expensive my house is, I earn so much, I've had a substantial inheritance" would be quite awkward and boastful in most situations to me. Whilst some on here would conclude objecting to money boasts is a sign of green eyed jealousy, it's more that i think there's something a bit off about announcing your finances to everyone in earshot.

If you're used to people routinely talking about money and it's a regular discussion in groups then I can see why someone might post something like that on social media.

Original poster
Coo5 · 25/04/2021 22:33

I've taken the bait.....when there is an accompanying photo of them posing, bubbly in cheers position, then yes they are bragging. No not her parent. My husband's parent. He came back from work this evening ashen, and livid. We received the same inheritance. We are more than comfortable. We cannot abide tactless bragging, totally insensitive on their part. I would love to de-friend and that be the end of it, but the consequent hassles as a result are not worth it.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 25/04/2021 22:34

Whilst some on here would conclude objecting to money boasts is a sign of green eyed jealousy, it's more that i think there's something a bit off about announcing your finances to everyone in earshot.

I don't think it's so much that objecting to money boasts is a sign of green eyed jealousy.

I think it's more objecting so much that you'd start a thread on a public forum basically inviting strangers to join in the slagging off of your SIL.

Comments from the OP such as My ewww factor is off the charts, I thought she had class, does (leaving aside the irony) indicate to me that she is fairly jealous/bitter about this.

I think people who are generally a bit happier with their own lot in life, would just eye-roll and scroll past.