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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to collect me from hospital?

243 replies

PierrethePenis · 25/04/2021 06:05

I’m having a minor procedure tomorrow. It didn’t occur to me it would be under general anaesthetic. It is and I was told I had to have someone collect me and stay with me for 24 hours. Now because of covid rules car sharing with people outside your household isn’t allowed. Obviously you aren’t allowed anyone in your house either. It’s all a bit tricky so DH is the only one who can do it. He initially said he would collect me but would have to go in to work after. When I asked if he could stay with me he said no, he had an important meeting he had to be in the office for. We had an argument about it and now he won’t collect me either. I’m left taking a taxi both ways which isn’t recommended and staying on my own. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to prioritise me and my health over a business meeting, just for one day?

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 25/04/2021 11:37

I had to break the rules when I had breast cancer surgery at the beginning of the pandemic, first day of lockdown in fact. I'm a lone parent and also single. So my friend took me, picked me up and stayed at my house for a few days to help with my son. There was no other option 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Your husband is being an absolute prick so I'd make your own arrangements with a trusted friend. I'd also be reconsidering my marriage to be honest. I hope procedure goes well Thanks

Italiangreyhound · 25/04/2021 11:38

TheFormidableMrsC so sorry to hear, hope you are making a good recovery.

TheFormidableMrsC · 25/04/2021 11:39

@Italiangreyhound

TheFormidableMrsC so sorry to hear, hope you are making a good recovery.
I'm absolutely fine, thanks so much for your kind words! 🙂
EKGEMS · 25/04/2021 11:39

You should not be alone for 24 hours after general anesthesia-here in the US they usually cancel procedures if you can't be with an adult postoperatively

Muchmorethan · 25/04/2021 11:42

My now XH did the same. I was actually unconscious and he went and had a shower. That's when l knew he had no love,
respect or care for me anymore and my marriage was over

IntermittentParps · 25/04/2021 11:51

I’ve had several generals and got a taxi back after. Once I even had to collect my ds straight after. I was fine.
Well, what a hero.

Why are people being tits to the OP? From everything she's said, her DH is a selfish arsehole with double standards for her and him.

HeckyPeck · 25/04/2021 11:51

Just before 1st lockdown he left me collapsed on the bathroom floor and went back to bed as he didn't want to be too tired for work. He did the same thing again more recently. I've had to get so many lifts from friends for medical appointments and procedures (when covid rules allowed it). This is just the latest in a long line of issues

He sounds awful OP. I hope your operation goes well and you can get someone to be with you afterwards or can stay in hospital if not.

I would not want to stay married to someone who treated me with so little compassion and love.

Once you're recovered I'd be looking at making arrangements to leave. It sounds like you would be much happier without him.

Fembot123 · 25/04/2021 11:53

I don’t think he is unreasonable I’m not staying with you but not bringing you back to make a point is a really dick move

Italiangreyhound · 25/04/2021 11:56

Your husband sounds like an arse, I am so sorry.

stackemhigh · 25/04/2021 12:01

Whilst you figure out your next move, I’d stop doing anything for this fucker.

Don’t re-arrange anything for him again.

mam0918 · 25/04/2021 12:07

@m0therofdragons

I don't think you will really need 24 hour care assistance due to the GA they just say that why do you think they say that? Because there’s have been incidents when someone has reacted to GA so while the op is unlikely to react you can’t possibly know and she might! Is there not an option for Dh to log into the meeting from home so he can still attend? I clearly live in a bubble where most meetings are on teams. I would struggle with dh’s lack of care and prioritising work over me to be honest but my Dh just wouldn’t do this.
I do react to GA and I have never been sent home before it was completely safe, its take 12 hours before they have released me from monitoring after simple day surgery before... did you miss that bit?

They dont just kick you out after surgery and send you home hoping you dont have complications they keep you there until its medically safe to be discharged, they arent allowed to dump that responsability onto an untrained non medical proffesional like her DH.

pepsicolagirl · 25/04/2021 12:18

I hope you have someone else who can take and collect you - and that you never EVER change your plans in your dick OH's favour ever again

Original poster
PierrethePenis · 25/04/2021 12:19

@BeneathYourWisdom

You hardly gave him any notice otherwise I’d say he was unreasonable!

You should have read the letter properly and told him weeks ago to book that day off for your surgery.

Now you want him to cancel a business meeting last minute and take the day off because you didn’t read the information the doctor gave you?

I think you’ll have to make an exception re car sharing and get a friend to pick you up and stay with you. You can both wear masks and a medical procedure must surely count as a reason to merge households temporarily?

I’m not sure where everyone has the idea you always know about these things weeks in advance. I only saw the consultant Monday. As soon as the nurse told me on Wednesday I told my DH. When he said he wouldn’t stay with me I phoned and tried to cancel but wasn’t allowed as it would waste the slot.
OP posts:
Original poster
PierrethePenis · 25/04/2021 12:26

The friend I asked to walk the kids home has just asked if I have anyone with me. She is going to come round for the afternoon. They nurse said if there was no-one to collect me that I could go home in a taxi. Hopefully DH will leave soon.

OP posts:
greenlynx · 25/04/2021 12:33

OP, when I had a procedure under GA I was admitted at 12.00 there were a few of us, then we were told approximate order. After procedure I came around and when the nurse saw that I was ok they phoned my DH, he came to pick me up until then I was waiting on the ward. He came at 6.30 ( 10 minutes drive) I could stay longer if needed. My point is that you don’t know exactly when your DH will need to pick you up and you will be able to wait for him. I think he just should be available on the phone and then it might happen well beyond his meeting.
And then he would be able to stay with you.
You sound nervous which is understandable but he doesn’t sound caring and loving which is wrong imo.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 25/04/2021 12:48

so if the operation is tomorrow, you don't know the exact time of day it will take place, or how long your recovery will take place. Unless it's an all day meeting, how do you know it will conflict with that?
Doesn't sound unreasonable to say "my DH is unable to collect me before 4pm" or whatever.
Assuming that DH's flouncy 'won't collect you at all' was a spur of the moment and changeable.
One GA they wouldn't let me leave without someone coming in to collect me - arranging a cab wasn't an option, another one (admittedly recovery was really slow and I'd stayed in overnight), I got the bus home.

Howshouldibehave · 25/04/2021 13:33

What time is his meeting tomorrow?

DotsandCo · 25/04/2021 13:33

@LastRoloIsMine

School are being strict and if someone shops you for breaking a covid rule your kids get excluded

Erm that cannot be true.

Complete rubbish 🤣🤣🤣 I'm a teacher!! I can assure you, we simply do not have ANY time in our day (or any kind of authority, come to that!!) to police this!!

DotsandCo · 25/04/2021 13:35

@PierrethePenis

Tell that to our headteacher, she made a big deal of not lift sharing at parents zoomcall before school started this term.
She can zoom all she likes! How on earth do you think she'd know who was in your bubble? Don't be bloody ridiculous!
Oblomov21 · 25/04/2021 13:36

I was given very little notice for my operation on Thursday where I had a GA.
Things are very tight, with very little notice atm.

ThePlantsitter · 25/04/2021 13:38

Who are all these managers who won't let people take time off if their wife is having a GA? I mean if you're someone who needs to be replaced like a doctor or a teacher or whatever I could maybe understand it (though what happens when you're ill?) But a meeting? It is ridiculous to prioritise that over a person's well-being.

BlackCatShadow · 25/04/2021 13:57

@ThePlantsitter

Who are all these managers who won't let people take time off if their wife is having a GA? I mean if you're someone who needs to be replaced like a doctor or a teacher or whatever I could maybe understand it (though what happens when you're ill?) But a meeting? It is ridiculous to prioritise that over a person's well-being.
Right? I mean what if someone has a car crash and breaks their leg? How on earth would their work cope for a day without them? Of course any work place needs a contingency plan in case employees can't make it. They just have to cope.
Keepnamechangin · 25/04/2021 14:25

I had colonoscopy and DH was to supposed to pick me up, he refused as he wanted to play game.
In the end he went to pick me up but he park about 2 miles from hospital as he does not want to park in narrow car park and pay money.
He expected me to walk those 2 miles on my own, crossing a busy dual carriageway and huge round bound without crossings.
The nurse was pissed off and asked me to hand the phone over to her.
She was having none of it- when he said he parked 2 miles away.
She screamed at him, made him to park right outside the clinics door and told him, she will be waiting outside personally to see him.
He was there.
Another time sadly about some years ago same scenario happened when I miscarried and heavily bled all over our bathroom that I could not leave my bathroom as of the extreme heavy bleeding and contracting pains.
He reluctantly drove me to the hospital but again parked faraway and I walked with a bloody trail of blood screaming in pain all those miles.

Clarice99 · 25/04/2021 14:29

@PierrethePenis

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Your D H sounds selfish and self centered. You are not being unreasonable in the slightest to expect him to take you to the hospital and collect you when you're discharged.

Is it an option for you to remain in the discharge lounge until he can leave the meeting? Some hospitals offer this and people are permitted to stay in the discharge lounge for several hours until they can be collected. In the past, I have spent time in the discharge lounge waiting to be picked up; I became too unwell from the effects of the GA and had to go back to the ward and remain there overnight.

Usually you are well looked after in 'discharge'; the reclining chairs are comfortable, there's a TV, hot and cold drinks and very often the nursing staff will provide you with a sandwich or similar if you're hungry.

I hope the procedure goes well Flowers

KarmaStar · 25/04/2021 14:29

For a minor procedure Yabu to expect him to cancel an important meeting.
He should pick you up though and come home as soon as he can after the meeting.I wouldn't be fussed about having someone with me for 24 hours.

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