Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to collect me from hospital?

243 replies

PierrethePenis · 25/04/2021 06:05

I’m having a minor procedure tomorrow. It didn’t occur to me it would be under general anaesthetic. It is and I was told I had to have someone collect me and stay with me for 24 hours. Now because of covid rules car sharing with people outside your household isn’t allowed. Obviously you aren’t allowed anyone in your house either. It’s all a bit tricky so DH is the only one who can do it. He initially said he would collect me but would have to go in to work after. When I asked if he could stay with me he said no, he had an important meeting he had to be in the office for. We had an argument about it and now he won’t collect me either. I’m left taking a taxi both ways which isn’t recommended and staying on my own. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to prioritise me and my health over a business meeting, just for one day?

OP posts:
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 25/04/2021 08:38

You are allowed to break the rules for medical reasons.

CeibaTree · 25/04/2021 08:38

What job does he do OP? Unless it involves something really crucial to public infrastructure or similar where lots of people will be affected by him not attending, no-one is that important that their presence at a meeting can't be dialled in. If the meeting really is that important then I guess his hands are tied about attending it, but the whole not picking you up at all now, is totally unforgivable. Hope the op goes well and smoothly.

Flowersandjellybeans · 25/04/2021 08:39

All these people saying he’s a selfish prick Shock

Yes, it must be disappointing that he’s unable to do it - everyone would I’m sure prefer their other half there.

I would really struggle to cancel some important meetings with very short notice, you haven’t given any context but it could mean anything, losing the opportunity to secure a new client/giving a disciplinary/various other reasons you can’t just cancel the day before.

If you need someone to take you home from the hospital and be with you, that’s caring and support, there are different rules. It 100% doesn’t need to be your DH - if that’s what you’re worried about don’t be, just go ahead and line up a friend or other family member.

Good luck, hope it all goes smoothly Smile

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 25/04/2021 08:41

I work as a teacher and wouldn't be allowed to do this at a days notice. My head would (rightly) be annoyed if I even asked. If it was DH we'd have friends/other family that would drive him.

Original poster
PierrethePenis · 25/04/2021 08:41

@HercwasanEnemyofEducation

He should drive you but you have given very short notice for him to stay at home. Some meetings need to be face to face.

However it sounds like a pattern of behaviour with his work coming first. Is it a high pay high pressure job?

Re school, the HT may have said that to discourage lift sharing. There is absolutely no chance any child will be excluded from school because of a covid breach. Even one where the police have prosecuted. The HT does not have power to do this and governors won't sign off on the exclusion.

I meant temporarily exclude/suspend rather than permanently. I don't see why they can't. If a child has come into contact with a case they are sent home for 10 days. If the rules have been broken and you don't know if they've come into contact with a case why wouldn't the teacher be able to send the child home for 10 days homeschooling. They come back if they don't get covid?
OP posts:
HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 25/04/2021 08:42

Of course they wouldn't be able to send them home unless the student had been in contact with a positive case in the car (unlikely).

You can't just send people home for 10 days because they shared a car.

JungleIsMassive · 25/04/2021 08:43

His work might think it's a bit suspicious too. Calling in 1 day before an important meeting to let them know his wife is have surgery with a GA. Unless he pretends its an emergency non planned surgery. But that will lead to more questions and more lies then he's really in the shit.

Original poster
PierrethePenis · 25/04/2021 08:46

@HercwasanEnemyofEducation

I work as a teacher and wouldn't be allowed to do this at a days notice. My head would (rightly) be annoyed if I even asked. If it was DH we'd have friends/other family that would drive him.
It wasn't a days notice. It was just I was awake early this morning worrying about it.

It's not about the specific details. It more about what you value more, work or your family.

Just before 1st lockdown he left me collapsed on the bathroom floor and went back to bed as he didn't want to be too tired for work. He did the same thing again more recently. I've had to get so many lifts from friends for medical appointments and procedures (when covid rules allowed it). This is just the latest in a long line of issues.

I'm trying to decide if its the final nail in the coffin of our marriage.

OP posts:
BlackCatShadow · 25/04/2021 08:46

Of course he should pick you up. Any meeting can be rescheduled and his wife having an operation is a valid excuse.

Sweettruelies · 25/04/2021 08:46

Am I missing something? How on earth would the head teacher know someone had given you a lift home from hospital?

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 25/04/2021 08:47

The pattern of his behaviour is the issue here. Why is he prioritising work?

Your thread was about this specific incident, hence the replies.

However the more you write, the more his behaviour sounds shocking.

BlackCatShadow · 25/04/2021 08:47

Just seen your last post. You do deserve better. I’m sorry he’s such a shit. Flowers

Ginger1982 · 25/04/2021 08:49

@ivfbeenbusy

Well if you've only just told him it's not exactly reasonable to expect him to drop Everything? I've driven after general anaesthetic- twice - and been fine.
What a ridiculous comment 🙄
MiaowMiaow99 · 25/04/2021 08:49

You do seem like hard work. You seem to be perversely sticking to rules or accepting odd school rules in order to get precisely what you want.
Some compromise is in order as you have allowed it to become a very last minute request, and are refusing to be flexible to make tomorrow work for you both.
DH could have picked up and dropped off, it's unlikely you'll be discharged before 4pm after a GA, so he could do a days work and still picked you up and been home for at least 12 hours together overnight and then you could decide what Tuesday would look like in terms of cover.
I'd refuse to cancel a meeting to when there are clear alternatives in place, which you seem to be making up covid rules to avoid (school exclusion).

Original poster
PierrethePenis · 25/04/2021 08:50

@JungleIsMassive

His work might think it's a bit suspicious too. Calling in 1 day before an important meeting to let them know his wife is have surgery with a GA. Unless he pretends its an emergency non planned surgery. But that will lead to more questions and more lies then he's really in the shit.
He could send in a copy of my appointment letter from Monday when I saw the consultant and a copy of the letter for tomorrow and explain we only just found out. We could also send my sick note. I'm not asking him to miss the meeting, just to dial in instead of being there in person. He'd only miss the half hour there and back. Plus the small amount of time he'll be late because he'll need to take the kids to school.
OP posts:
billy1966 · 25/04/2021 08:52

OP,
He sounds like an absolute horror and you have taken it.

Never do a single thing for him again.
Stop laundry, cooking, shopping.
If you have a spare bedroom, move into it.

Organise yourself.
This is not a man you want to spend the rest of your life with.

He left you on the floor.

You sound like an abused wive.
Call Women's Aid for support.

You poor woman.

Flowers
I0NA · 25/04/2021 08:52

Of course he can do the meeting by zoom from home. I think the pandemic has taught us that this is possible in many many jobs.

Pre pandemic , my Dh frequently had to travel a 16 hour round trip for a two hour meeting with important clients who couldn't possible use soon / teams . Then we had lockdown and overnight they suddenly discovered it was possible. Amazing !

If the OPs husband suddenly got Covid symptoms or a call from track and Trace, I think he would also discover that he could attend this meeting remotely or postpone it. Even the Prime Minster managed to take time off for illness and I’m pretty sure that @PierrethePenis husband isn’t more important than him .

Ringonrighthand · 25/04/2021 08:52

OP, I think you are right and your husband should definitely be there for you, especially given your update. I hope it goes well tomorrow and you get some support then it’s time to make decisions about your marriage. Good luck!

Bagelsandbrie · 25/04/2021 08:53

My Mum had exactly this situation with my workaholic Dad many years ago and ended up making her own way home etc. It was one of the main reasons they divorced a few years later. She said she immediately knew where she stood (ie he didn’t put her first) and she fell out of love with him over it.

Pinkflipflop85 · 25/04/2021 08:53

Headteachers have absolutely no sudden extra powers to exclude children. There is still a process to follow and it is still very difficult to exclude a child.

You sound like you're just making lots of excuses now to be difficult.

JungleIsMassive · 25/04/2021 08:54

Well from your last couple of updates he sounds like a complete prick. Don't stay married to someone if they treat you like this.
If you can say hand on heart you are a kind loving wife and he still treats you with such distain then you either need to both go to counselling (together and seperalty) or get a divorce.
This is no way to live.

WaterBottle123 · 25/04/2021 08:54

@LastRoloIsMine

School are being strict and if someone shops you for breaking a covid rule your kids get excluded

Erm that cannot be true.

Nonsense. They have no legal power to do this.

Suspect this post isn't real now.

MagnoliaXYZ · 25/04/2021 08:54

Your husband should have arranged for be home with you post-op, but you've left it quite last minute. You should have known you were having a GA when you were listed for the procedure. The surgeon surely told you? Did you not attend a pre-op appointment where you would have been told all this?

I understand he can't cancel an important meeting at such short notice, he should collect you though if that has been agreed. You'll have to have someone else around whilst he's at work.

Nith · 25/04/2021 08:54

It's not always that easy just to reschedule a meeting, even at a few days' notice. In many types of work it can involve co-ordinating the diaries of a number of busy people, so that if it has to be re-scheduled it may be some time before they can find a slot where they are all available. Some meetings simply can't be postponed that long.

LemonRoses · 25/04/2021 08:55

I can’t imagine a husband who wouldn’t collect you after anaesthetic with sufficient notice to rearrange work commitments.

Deciding the day before is very unfair on him and arrangements should be in place long before. It’s not about him prioritising work. It’s about a lack of communication and forward planning.

If you are having a procedure under GA it doesn’t happen by magic. It is explained and discussed well beforehand. You get a leaflet explaining things or it’s included in the appointment letter. It isn’t a case of ‘not imagining’ a GA. You knew some time ago and should have planned. I can see why he’d be irritated if expected to change his commitments and let people down at very short notice.

Swipe left for the next trending thread