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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to collect me from hospital?

243 replies

PierrethePenis · 25/04/2021 06:05

I’m having a minor procedure tomorrow. It didn’t occur to me it would be under general anaesthetic. It is and I was told I had to have someone collect me and stay with me for 24 hours. Now because of covid rules car sharing with people outside your household isn’t allowed. Obviously you aren’t allowed anyone in your house either. It’s all a bit tricky so DH is the only one who can do it. He initially said he would collect me but would have to go in to work after. When I asked if he could stay with me he said no, he had an important meeting he had to be in the office for. We had an argument about it and now he won’t collect me either. I’m left taking a taxi both ways which isn’t recommended and staying on my own. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to prioritise me and my health over a business meeting, just for one day?

OP posts:
girasol · 25/04/2021 09:12

If they can accompany you to a med appointment surely they can accompany you back...?

Original poster
PierrethePenis · 25/04/2021 09:13

@Howshouldibehave

Why did you only just realise you were having a GA? When did you get the letter telling you?

If I had an important meeting tomorrow and DH only just told me I had to pick him up from hospital and stay at home with him for 24 hours, I’d be really pissed off! I would feel really unprofessional messing people at work around at the last minute for what was a planned operation.

What time is his meeting?

I didn't only just realize I found out on Wednesday when the nurse phoned. I let him know straight away. So he had time.

If someone told me that they couldn't make a meeting because they were collecting their wife from hospital where she was having a GA, I'd say no worries, I'll catch you up later. I hope your wife is OK.

If I worked for a company that had issues with you putting your family first on one off occasions like this, I don't think I'd be working for that company for long.

OP posts:
Original poster
PierrethePenis · 25/04/2021 09:14

@4PawsGood

I’m at risk for stroke, TIA or blindness.

You should have included this in your OP.

Its always hard to know which details to include in your original post. If you include everything it would have gone on for pages and pages. Yes, maybe I should have put that bit in, sorry.
OP posts:
Original poster
PierrethePenis · 25/04/2021 09:15

@Fullofthejoysofspring

This is appalling. Is he this much of a dick normally?
Pretty much and I've had enough of it which is kind of why I posted.
OP posts:
Allaboutthatbass · 25/04/2021 09:16

Can't you just stay at the hospital for observation until his meeting has finished then him collect you after his meeting is over? It might mean you being bored in a chair for a while, but as long as you don't need an unnecessary overnight bed I am sure the hospital can accommodate that. Or as others have said, get a friend to collect you and stay until he comes home - that is OK within both the letter of current COVID rules and practical common sense.

Allaboutthatbass · 25/04/2021 09:17

If he is generally a dock and this is the last straw, that's a different issue with different solutions x

Allaboutthatbass · 25/04/2021 09:17

*dick not dock!! 😀

Cindersrellie · 25/04/2021 09:18

In this situation you would be allowed to car share with a friend and have someone inside your house to look after you. The guidance allows for reasonable adjustment.

Flowersandjellybeans · 25/04/2021 09:18

As PP has said, this is not an AIBU post about whether your husband should cancel a meeting, this a Relationships about whether you should leave your husband.

l2b2 · 25/04/2021 09:18

I would amazed if you were allowed to go home after a GA alone in a taxi. The taxi driver does not count as a chaperone.
No hospital I've ever worked in has permitted that for good reason.

Anydreamwilldo12 · 25/04/2021 09:19

Get someone else to drive you home OP then start looking into getting a divorce from your selfish twat of a husband.
He brings nothing to your life.

KingdomScrolls · 25/04/2021 09:20

It does depend on his job, in my last role it could've been a court day and I absolutely couldn't have rearranged that with short notice even a week or two wouldn't have been enough. Current role there would be certain legal safeguarding meetings I chair that couldn't go ahead without me and are often very time critical. The whole thing about the school is nonsense as you are not breaching Covid rules as evidenced by PP and info from .Gov website, anyone collecting you from hospital and staying with you as per NHS guidance would be in a caring capacity which is allowed.
Does your husband generally sound like a selfish arsehole? Yes, but that's come from a number of drip feeds. You're hanging your hat on the wrong hook. The real issue isn't the hospital appointment it's everything else leading up to it over a number of years.

Original poster
PierrethePenis · 25/04/2021 09:23

@RosesAndHellebores

I think you are both being unreasonable.

You for not finding out the possible details in advance and for being disproportionate about side issues. And I'm afraid if that's a regular occurrence if I were your DH I'd be annoyed.

Your DH for giving backword on at least collecting you.

I have meetings that I couldn't pull out of at short notice without causing major upheaval to everyone else. DH does a job where some things that are scheduled simply can't be unscheduled except in a life or death emergency.

What I'd have done op, had a GA been sprung on me at the last minute, would have been to have a discussion with the consultant about alternatives and be clear that I might not be able to arrange the pick-up and 24 hour accompaniment at short notice and if that were the case I'd have to rearrange the op.

I had a procedure under sedation a couple of years ago and I booked it after liaising with DH. The hospital were very clear that I couldn't go home in a taxi and had to have someone with me for 24 hours. My blood pressure was very low afterwards and they were worried enough to keep me in recovery for much longer than expected.

I called DH when I'd had a cup of tea and he came to get me. He went to work the following morning so didn't stay with me for the full 24 hours. TBF I expected to be as right as ninepence the following day and had expected to wfh but I was actually very very tired.

This isn't a regular occurrence I rarely ask my husband to do anything for me.

When he told me he couldn't collect me I phoned the secretary but didn't manage to speak to her until the next day and it was made very clear that I wasn't cancelling. She said it was fine to go home in a taxi and that I'd probably be fine on my own.

OP posts:
MajorMujer · 25/04/2021 09:25

God that is awful op. A good friend of mine was let down by a family member who was supposed to stay with her after a GA. She was found collapsed at home that evening after we went to check up on her because we couldn't get her on the phone. Blue lighted back into hospital.

PriestessofPing · 25/04/2021 09:25

“Just before 1st lockdown he left me collapsed on the bathroom floor and went back to bed as he didn't want to be too tired for work. He did the same thing again more recently.”

He did what?!! I’m struggling to picture it. You’re literally collapsed on a bathroom floor, were you
unable to get up? And he left you there? For how long? That’s absolutely mindblowing, I can’t think of anyone in my life i’d leave in that sort of state, even people I genuinely despise. Shock

RosesAndHellebores · 25/04/2021 09:26

If your consultant's secretary is advising you can go home in a taxi I'd triangulate that with the outpatient theatre sister if I were you. If it's triangulated I'd find another hospital/consultant.

Ohdobequiet · 25/04/2021 09:27

You’re clearly not bu in the slightest. If it’s wisdom teeth, my heart goes out to you. In love you need your partner to support you - otherwise what’s the actual point?

NorthernMC · 25/04/2021 09:30

You need someone to stay with you after a GA also. Your husband is being awful.

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 25/04/2021 09:33

He's awful. Can you ask his parents? Would it shame him if you did?

I'd tell them at the hospital that you have an unsupportive husband at home.

Whatisthisfuckery · 25/04/2021 09:34

I can’t get my head around why this wouldn’t just be a given. I mean if your other half is going in for an op and they need you, you just rearrange everything that can be rearranged and work around the rest. It’s just an automatic non negotiable type thing that doesn’t need a second thought.

RoseMartha · 25/04/2021 09:35

YANBU (your dh sounds like my exh).

In your position if possible I would ask a family member or friend because it does state on gov website that we are allowed to help people who are vulnerable/disabled or anyone in an emergency which includes in their homes. Surely it comes under that.

SympathyFatigue · 25/04/2021 09:37

Is he a gp or consultant or anything actually difficult to find cover for because if not, he's vile.
You've argued so he's spat his dummy out and said he won't even pick you up now?
That's mature.
What a guy. So lovely.

Concestor · 25/04/2021 09:50

Even before I read your updates I was going to say that for me this would be enough to end the relationship over, but now I've read the whole thread I'm going to say you should absolutely make plans to leave. You deserve so much better. I'm sorry he is so awful.

nexus63 · 25/04/2021 09:51

i am going into hospital for a small operation, as i live on my own they will keep me overnight because i am getting a general anesthetic, why can't you explain this to the hospital and i will go home by taxi, they said it was not a problem as i will be fine the next day even though i will be sore and have a few other problems as the op is ...down there and i may have problems walking and going upstairs to the loo, it is not worth fighting over unless you are wanting the poor me attention, call the hospital and explain and see what can be sorted out.

mam0918 · 25/04/2021 09:54

While I would be increadibly annoyed at his lack of concern, love and support I don't think you will really need 24 hour care assistance due to the GA they just say that (you may need help depending on the surgery and your mobility though).

I have had several surgeries under GA and they dont let you leave until you are clear and back to normal (its taken up to 12 hours before just to bring me completely out of the GA but they will just wait and monitor you).

Its not remotely like the time I had sedation at the dentist and they sent me home while I was still on planet neptune (no way I could have got home myself then, I didnt even know what species I was) that was insane that they let people go when they are that bad.