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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to collect me from hospital?

243 replies

PierrethePenis · 25/04/2021 06:05

I’m having a minor procedure tomorrow. It didn’t occur to me it would be under general anaesthetic. It is and I was told I had to have someone collect me and stay with me for 24 hours. Now because of covid rules car sharing with people outside your household isn’t allowed. Obviously you aren’t allowed anyone in your house either. It’s all a bit tricky so DH is the only one who can do it. He initially said he would collect me but would have to go in to work after. When I asked if he could stay with me he said no, he had an important meeting he had to be in the office for. We had an argument about it and now he won’t collect me either. I’m left taking a taxi both ways which isn’t recommended and staying on my own. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to prioritise me and my health over a business meeting, just for one day?

OP posts:
user77hjjy · 25/04/2021 06:53

Xpost

Mindymomo · 25/04/2021 06:54

The problem with having a GA, is you won’t know exactly when he can collect you, so would need to be on standby. They usually keep you in for a couple of hours more after GA, so if he cannot cancel his meeting, you will need either a taxi or a friend, which is allowed for medical reasons, to collect you.

Memedru · 25/04/2021 06:54

I personally couldnt give a shit about covid rules in this situation, if my partner couldnt do it, I would be asking family or a friend to pick me!

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 25/04/2021 06:54

YANBU, but this should have been planned out weeks ago. Not the night before.

I can really understand why your DH is pissed off, I think I would be as well.

RantyAnty · 25/04/2021 06:56

He's a dick.
He had enough time to reschedule the meeting but chose not to.

My exH was like that. One reason why he's an ex.

Waking up from surgery and seeing loved one's face is such a comforting feeling. It makes you feel important and loved.

Saltyslug · 25/04/2021 06:56

I’m sure schools can’t exclude children for seeing a person outside of your bubble. If a child had been in contact with a positive covid test of course the child would need to isolate but that is different.

borntobequiet · 25/04/2021 06:58

I had a procedure during lockdown which involved a GA. In the end DD was able to take me/pick me up but a taxi would have been OK so long as I sat in the back with the windows open. I didn’t want her to have to stay afterwards so we checked in via text. It was all fine.

tara66 · 25/04/2021 06:58

If you are in UK most hospitals use some sort of an ambulance transport service if you are not fit to go home alone. But it can turn a half hour journey into a 2 hour one as other people will be on it going home as well.

Grumblesigh · 25/04/2021 07:02

YANBU.

I appreciate that posters are trying to hp you solve the immediate problem by telling you to ask someone else, but of course you are right, he should reschedule the meeting or find someone to replace him. You are his wife, the medical advice is clear, and short notice or not you should come first. Refusing to pick you up because you argued is outrageous.

You have some major relationship problems.

porridgecake · 25/04/2021 07:05

Of course you can get in a taxi or in a friend's car. It is no different than a bus or train. You both wear masks, you sit in the back, windows open.
However, IMO, it is not being alone after an anaesthetic that is important, not the transport.

Original poster
PierrethePenis · 25/04/2021 07:06

Tell that to our headteacher, she made a big deal of not lift sharing at parents zoomcall before school started this term.

OP posts:
Idolikeanicepieceofcake · 25/04/2021 07:07

If you're having a GA then you should have someone with you when you get home for 24 hours too to keep an eye on you. If the hospital have beds then they will admit you overnight, if they don't and you don't have someone to pick you up and look after you they may choose to cancel your surgery. Sounds like he should be making you a priority, not the office/meeting (that could be done virtually potentially?)

THisbackwithavengeance · 25/04/2021 07:11

The covid rules are irrelevant here.

However, I am shocked that your DH would refuse to take you and pick you up. That is nasty. That would change my opinion of him.

However, if the meeting is important, you can"t just expect him to cancel.

I see no reason why your DH cannot do the drop offs and pick up but you can have a relative round for the couple of hours or whatever that he is away.

knittingaddict · 25/04/2021 07:12

You have to have someone with you for 24 hours after a general anaesthetic. Adverse reactions are a real possibility. Someone needs to help you op, even if it's not your husband. I know it's short notice, but my husband would prioritize me over a work meeting. He's rearranged meetings for less in the past.

UCOinanOCG · 25/04/2021 07:12

@PierrethePenis

Tell that to our headteacher, she made a big deal of not lift sharing at parents zoomcall before school started this term.
Is that not for children coming to school? She cannot impose this on parents who need to do things such as going in and out of hospital as you are.
tara66 · 25/04/2021 07:12

Just to add, if you want the ambulance transport service you need to book it a few days in advance.

rwalker · 25/04/2021 07:12

I think it's a combination of unfortunate circumstances . Short notice and his meeting I wouldn't say it's anyones fault.

Personally I would get a taxi or friend/family

I think every is under the impression we all work for wonderful flexible companies . The reality is most don't care about our home life just want us to do what they pay us for.

I've had 3 meetings last last 2 would of been no problem 1 would of been a nightmare and cause massive problems to move .

chittychittybang · 25/04/2021 07:13

I'm not sure having someone collect you from the hospital after a GA is what the headteacher would count as breaking covid rules. I suspect she means if you've been having a house party (not that I think she can exclude kids for that either)

TrashKitten10 · 25/04/2021 07:15

Are your children at a state school? I'm pretty sure the LA would have something to say about children being excluded for you getting a lift back from hospital. The head is trying to rule with an iron fist but you can't just exclude children like that.

As for DH, is this typical for him? It is quite short notice to rearrange an important meeting and your feelings towards him should depend on whether he's normally thoughtful and caring but is just stuck with work commitments or if it's normal for him to not put your needs first.

If DH can't look after you then absolutely ask somebody else, it would fall under caring commitments which have always been allowed. Time to stop being so terrified of the COVID police and realising that pandemic or not you are justified to care and support in the immediate hours after surgery.

GappyValley · 25/04/2021 07:26

“Waking up from surgery and seeing loved one's face is such a comforting feeling. It makes you feel important and loved.”

Confused Confused WTAF have I just read.

No one ‘wakes up from surgery’ to find their DH looming above them with a cheery grin
You wake up in a recovery ward, where you stay for a while before moving back to a ward where NO visitors will be allowed.

At best, your loved one will wait at the ward reception area. At worst, they will be in a car park.

MrsClatterbuck · 25/04/2021 07:30

Can you get a friend or a relative as I have taken my DM who is in a care home 3 times for a hospital appointment. Lifted her from home and took her back there. Was not in for the appointment but had her in car for at least 2 hours. You could sit in back of car with mask and keep windows open. I'm sure it will be ok. Not a private care home but one run by our local Trust.

AuditAngel · 25/04/2021 07:33

DH had to have a minor procedure last summer. When he accepted the appointment he knew, but didn’t twig that I would be away with the DC (within the COVID rules)

I organised a lift back for him, but then we found out he was having a GA so needed to have someone with him. I ended up driving 4 hours back from Cornwall to drop him to the hospital, pick him up and spend the night at home.

I was pissed off, but he took the appointment without giving a thought to the fact i was away, and I was the one who had to change my plans to accommodate him. That said, I would have cancelled a meeting more willingly than driven for 8 hours......

PrettyGuyforaWhiteFly · 25/04/2021 07:36

@ChristmasAlone

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
Nice choice of words there. You may want to rethink the offensive term.

OP YANBU. I understand the meeting may be important but can he try to reschedule the meeting at the very least?

Agree with PPs about asking a friend or other family member. It's more than justified and safer than getting into a taxi.

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