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AIBU?

To expect DH to collect me from hospital?

243 replies

PierrethePenis · 25/04/2021 06:05

I’m having a minor procedure tomorrow. It didn’t occur to me it would be under general anaesthetic. It is and I was told I had to have someone collect me and stay with me for 24 hours. Now because of covid rules car sharing with people outside your household isn’t allowed. Obviously you aren’t allowed anyone in your house either. It’s all a bit tricky so DH is the only one who can do it. He initially said he would collect me but would have to go in to work after. When I asked if he could stay with me he said no, he had an important meeting he had to be in the office for. We had an argument about it and now he won’t collect me either. I’m left taking a taxi both ways which isn’t recommended and staying on my own. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to prioritise me and my health over a business meeting, just for one day?

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Am I being unreasonable?

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Oneeyeopen · 25/04/2021 07:36

My dh wouldn’t refuse to take me to hospital because of an argument.
That’s absolutely awful.
When your dh had the procedure last year presumably he had to take time off work. Now your having the procedure he needs to at least work from home. He’s not that important surely.
Your dh is a selfish man.

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itsgettingwierd · 25/04/2021 07:38

He should pick you up.

They always say have someone with you for 24 hours afterwards. I never have. Think it's more to protect them because they no longer monitor you in hospital.

If you said you don't have anyone I think they'd keep you in.

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Rangoon · 25/04/2021 07:43

I had to have a biopsy under general anaesthetic and didn't realise I shouldn't be alone for 24 hours. My very new boyfriend picked me up and I broke the news about the 24 hours. He unhesitatingly cleared his afternoon and spent the 24 hours with me. It would have been more romantic if it hadn't been a bladder biopsy of course and if I didn't spend the afternoon cross legged trying not to go to the loo because I was terrified after being warned about it being "uncomfortable". Unless your husband's job is in real jeopardy, I would be very disappointed. Incidentally, the new boyfriend and I have been married for 28 years now.

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CinnabarRed · 25/04/2021 07:44

I hate the casual assumption that all meetings can just be rearranged. Some can. Some can’t. Most of mine can’t - a combination of other people waiting for time critical decisions, seniority of attendees from outside of my firm, and/or the sheer number of diaries to accommodate if we try to reschedule.

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therocinante · 25/04/2021 07:45

@CooperLooper

He's BU for now saying he won't collect you, but surely he's not BU for not being able to cancel an important meeting at work with only a days notice if you've only just realised you're having GA? Come on....

I agree with this.
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CovidCorvid · 25/04/2021 07:47

If the hospital realise that nobody will be with you they may not be happy to discharge you. Obviously they can’t force you to stay but be prepared for a possible battle to leave.

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PierrethePenis · 25/04/2021 07:48

@Saltyslug headteachers have been given additional powers for exclusion during the pandemic. Not following covid rules is endangering other pupils and staff so is a reason for exclusion. They just need to put it in the covid risk assessment or management plan.

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ivfbeenbusy · 25/04/2021 07:51

Well if you've only just told him it's not exactly reasonable to expect him to drop Everything?
I've driven after general anaesthetic- twice - and been fine.

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BrumBoo · 25/04/2021 07:52

@ChristmasAlone, your post is disgusting, have a word with yourself. I'd ask if you were very young, but it's not excuse at all these days.

OP, I understand your frustration, but honestly if he needs to go for a meeting it seems really really bad short notice. Nobody's fault, but I'd either get someone else around or just accept that you have to do a few hours without him. To be honest, you'll probably just want to sleep it off, so I suggest getting in easy to grab snacks and chill for a few hours. I'd expect my other half to text every so often to check in on me though, but that's just basic thoughtfulness anyway.

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ElaborateSalad · 25/04/2021 07:52

What a selfish prick. Does he have any redeeming features?

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Allwokedup · 25/04/2021 07:53

It wouldn’t even be a question, my husband would collect me and stay with me. Now if you’re not supposed to car share how is it’s safer to get a taxi with some random person rather than someone you know? Ask someone else that you know.

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PierrethePenis · 25/04/2021 07:54

@CinnabarRed

I hate the casual assumption that all meetings can just be rearranged. Some can. Some can’t. Most of mine can’t - a combination of other people waiting for time critical decisions, seniority of attendees from outside of my firm, and/or the sheer number of diaries to accommodate if we try to reschedule.

I’m first on the list 8am so we should be back in time for his meeting. I’ve not asked him to cancel his meeting. If we’ve learned anything in the last year it’s that online meetings can be effective. He’s in the house so I’m not on my own. When he came home from hospital a few years ago I worked from home because he couldn’t be on his own for 48 hours.
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muddyford · 25/04/2021 07:55

If you have been advised not to drive and you have an accident, your insurers may not pay out.

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PierrethePenis · 25/04/2021 07:56

@ElaborateSalad

What a selfish prick. Does he have any redeeming features?

Really struggling to think of any right now.
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FangsForTheMemory · 25/04/2021 07:57

What @CovidCorvid said. If they know you’re going to be alone all day they may admit you or not do the op.

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PierrethePenis · 25/04/2021 07:57

@Spanielsarepainless

If you have been advised not to drive and you have an accident, your insurers may not pay out.

I definitely won’t be driving myself home.
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GintyMcGinty · 25/04/2021 07:59

He is BVU

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UCOinanOCG · 25/04/2021 07:59

There is no guarantee you will be taken early even if you are first on the list. Emergencies need to be accommodated and changes might be made. You also don't know how your procedure will go and how the anaesthetic might effect you so you don't know exactly when you will need collected. Your DH may have finished his meetings by the time you need picked up. If not then get a taxi or ask if you can wait on the ward until your DH is free to collect you.

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Tereseta · 25/04/2021 08:02

@ivfbeenbusy

Well if you've only just told him it's not exactly reasonable to expect him to drop Everything?
I've driven after general anaesthetic- twice - and been fine.

Please do not drive after a GA, you would be drug driving and as a poster above said un- insured.
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CovidCorvid · 25/04/2021 08:03

I had an op recently. Was meant to be first on the list but still didn’t go to theatre until 11am. I was in recovery for hours, 4 hours or something bonkers. They kept having to redo my covid swabs as the machine was messing them up and then it takes an hour for the result. I wasn’t allowed to go to a ward until I had a result. It was early evening by the time I got onto a ward. They’d told me it was day case and I just had to spend a couple of hours on the ward for observation. But of course nobody then wants to discharge you at 7pm. Skeleton staff, no dr to come and see me. I left anyway against advice but it was 11pm by the time I got out!

The other thing to do is just tell the hospital that nobody can come and pick you up until x time, 5pm or whatever. 🤷‍♀️ So after his meeting. I’m just telling you the above story because I wouldn’t expect for sure that everything goes so smoothly that he can come and get you before his meeting. There’s always hanging around for discharge, for discharge paperwork, meds coming from pharmacy, etc.

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Tereseta · 25/04/2021 08:05

Cross Post. I would tell the hospital if he is unable to collect you and you have no one else. They will likely admit you to the daytime observation ward.

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PegasusReturns · 25/04/2021 08:05

Your DH is being unreasonable for not collecting you but you’re being unreasonable for expecting him to cancel a meeting last minute, because you’ve given him little notice so it’s one all really.

As for your interpretation of the covid rules you’re being OTT. You can’t possibly get in trouble for having someone pick you up from hospital. Either with the police or your DCs school.

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4PawsGood · 25/04/2021 08:05

Hang on, is the meeting online or not? If it’s online it’s fine, you don’t need him at your bedside.

If it’s in the office, how long would he out of the house for?

He would leave you long enough to have a sleep, not constantly checking on you. Just don’t make tea on your own.

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PierrethePenis · 25/04/2021 08:05

@ChristmasAlone I’m not young, we’ve been together 22 years. Anytime, he needs me to do something or the kids do I’m expected to drop everything. I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve had to rearrange meetings to accommodate him or a sick child. His work comes first always.

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NoSquirrels · 25/04/2021 08:11

I’m first on the list 8am so we should be back in time for his meeting. I’ve not asked him to cancel his meeting. If we’ve learned anything in the last year it’s that online meetings can be effective. He’s in the house so I’m not on my own.

Is he going into the office (as per your OP) or is it a video meeting where he can WFH?

I think the best plan is probably that he takes you in, goes to work then picks you up as soon as he’s finished with the meeting. They’ll keep you in longer if no one can collect you til 3pm or whatever.

But worrying about school exclusion because someone else collects you from hospital is daft. The headteacher was just telling parents not to drop/collect and car share from school - to eliminate play date opportunities etc. They don’t care if you’re collected from hospital by a friend.

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