Year 1 child had accident at school and they had no spare clothes - AIBU?

[ArtemisFlop]

I'd appreciate views about this as I'm turning it over in my mind and feel really uncomfortable (cross!)
DD in year 1 had an accident at school on Thursday, apparently not long before pick up time. This hasn't happened in year 1 before, pretty unusual for DD. In reception we took spare clothes to school but hadn't thought of it when we went back to school after the last lockdown ending in March. After-school nanny called me at work sounding quite worried and said she didn't know what to do as she has been due to take the kids to older child's activity but the TA had handed DD over to her in the playground at pick up time and DD was absolutely soaked. Nanny asked TA if they'd got some spare clothes so she could change her before coming home and TA said they don't have spare clothes and would usually just call a parent and ask them to come in with some but as it had happened so close to pick up they didn't think there'd be time. Nanny ended up bringing both kids straight home so DD could change but we live 30 minutes walk or a 15 minute bus ride from school so DD was wet through all that time plus however long it was before end of the school day that she wet herself. Nanny also told me the conversation about this took place in front of a bunch of DD's classmates and other parents. She said she felt like they just couldn't wait to hand over DD so it was someone else's problem.
I saw the TA in the playground the next day whilst handing over spare clothes for DD which I'll ask them to keep on her leg in case of any further incidents. I told her I was very surprised and disappointed they hadn't been able to offer a change of clothes. T A was apologetic but kept saying 'but I expected to see you shortly' as if the problem had been that nanny picked up and not me. I told her whether it was me or the nanny DD would have the same journey home. But the TA just said they don't have clothes for children and mumbled something about COViD. Have since received an email from the class teacher basically saying the same thing (ie sorry, not sorry).
For info this is a very large primary with a wide catchment and so there'll be many other families who don't live on the doorstep.
AIBU or should primary schools have a change of clothes for the occasional accidents and not leave children in wet clothes until parents arrive?

@Fieldoftheclothofgold

But any child, of any age, can have an accident that leaves them needing to change - nosebleeds, vomit, someone spilling something on them, even catching a pocket on a door handle and ripping trousers or something really random like that

I wouldn’t expect schools to provide a full change in some of those cases. The stuff would never come back and they’d be spending a non-existent budget on it.

I wouldn't expect a full change into a new uniform. But if a child lives half an hour's drive away, it could easily take an hour for a parent to pick them up and get them home. I would expect that there would be something for them to change into, even just old tracksuit bottoms and a hoodie or something, even if it was a bit on the big side for them.

I wouldn't expect a full change into a new uniform. But if a child lives half an hour's drive away, it could easily take an hour for a parent to pick them up and get them home. I would expect that there would be something for them to change into, even just old tracksuit bottoms and a hoodie or something, even if it was a bit on the big side for them.

Then provide it. I don’t get why you wouldn’t, if you think it’s important.

Not read the entire thread but I agree that you should write to the school formally. If you don't receive a response that they are addressing the issue, email the governors.

It's not acceptable. I'm a TA; we don't have loads of spare clothes but we have the basics (and lost property!) and we'd never just leave the child like this. If they'd rung someone immediately, you possibly could have let the nanny know to bring a change of clothes (or something, anything better than all of this happening).

The school doesn't have a covid plan for this happening and they really need one.

This is completely unacceptable, a child should not be left in wet clothes and the problem should also be dealt with discretely. If they'd called you asking to bring spares as they had run out then fair enough, but a blanket policy of not providing spares due to covid is totally unacceptable.

I would absolutely not have left a child wet and dismissed them wet.

So it's not absolute bollocks then. You've agree it's not acceptable and you wouldn't have done it.

You would have found a way to preserve the child's dignity and make sure she didn't go home wet. The TA should have done the same.

Pretty shitty of them. My DD wet herself in reception, we weren’t told to bring in spare clothes so she was given lost property. My DS is in year 6 and his trousers ripped open at the bum the other day so they gave him some PE shorts from lost property.

Not sure why your DD’s school didn’t do this rather than leave her in piss soaked clothing. They could have at least contacted you when it happened so your nanny could have arrived with a change of clothes...

@Thatisnotwhatisaid

Pretty shitty of them. My DD wet herself in reception, we weren’t told to bring in spare clothes so she was given lost property. My DS is in year 6 and his trousers ripped open at the bum the other day so they gave him some PE shorts from lost property.

Not sure why your DD’s school didn’t do this rather than leave her in piss soaked clothing. They could have at least contacted you when it happened so your nanny could have arrived with a change of clothes...

It happened at home time, the nanny was already on her way.

I would be really pissed off about this. The school should treat their children with dignity, its not hard to find something a small child can change into.
Raise it with the head, the school should have contingency plans for this. Hope your DD is ok.

What a depressing thread.

My child is in reception and although she has never had an accident in school (she's actually never had an accident since she was 3 years old) so it's extremely unlikely she will, I send her with a spare set of clothes in her bag just in case. I will next year too, once COVID restrictions have lifted they can be kept in a drawer at school. Our school would never leave a child wet like that. There are a couple of children who still wet in dds class and they're always changed and the school have spare clothes.

What a horrible attitude to leave her. I would complain I think, they could have at least called.

We all know that school staff are working under difficult circumstances. So are members of other professions.

We all know that the school may not have had suitable clothing available for the child to wear to go home. It's not reasonable to blame Covid for this and any risk assessment responsible for this needs to be reviewed.

We also know that, like any other profession, there are a few crap, lazy school staff who would decide that they didn't want to deal with the child in soiled clothing at the end of the day and foist her off on an unsuspecting nanny without even trying to protect the child's privacy.

That doesn't detract from all the school staff who wouldn't do that or those who would go above and beyond.

Nobody is suggesting that schools buy new spare clothing for allof their pupils at a cost of £140 or that teachers should be available to have private chats with whichever parents want them at the end of every school day.

It's clear that there were things that could have been done to protect this child's dignity and wellbeing and the TA couldn't be bothered. Most agree that this wasn't acceptable and most school staff on the thread are saying that they wouldn't have done it.

If you're still here OP, you should definitely raise this with the head teacher.

@loopylobes

From the OP, it is absolutely not clear that the TA couldn't be bothered, or that she is crap and lazy.

That's not me saying she did the right thing. I'm just capable of understanding that people make mistakes and don't need to be called crap or lazy because of these mistakes.

It's p.e kit/ lost property here. I wouldn't expect them to have spare clothes.

people make mistakes and don't need to be called crap or lazy because of these mistakes.

I didn't call the TA crap and lazy. I said "like any other profession, there are a few crap, lazy school staff".

However, accept that we don't know whether the TA made this poor decision because she couldn't be bothered or for another reason.

@Loopylobes

We all know that school staff are working under difficult circumstances. So are members of other professions.

We all know that the school may not have had suitable clothing available for the child to wear to go home. It's not reasonable to blame Covid for this and any risk assessment responsible for this needs to be reviewed.

We also know that, like any other profession, there are a few crap, lazy school staff who would decide that they didn't want to deal with the child in soiled clothing at the end of the day and foist her off on an unsuspecting nanny without even trying to protect the child's privacy.

That doesn't detract from all the school staff who wouldn't do that or those who would go above and beyond.

Nobody is suggesting that schools buy new spare clothing for allof their pupils at a cost of £140 or that teachers should be available to have private chats with whichever parents want them at the end of every school day.

It's clear that there were things that could have been done to protect this child's dignity and wellbeing and the TA couldn't be bothered. Most agree that this wasn't acceptable and most school staff on the thread are saying that they wouldn't have done it.

If you're still here OP, you should definitely raise this with the head teacher.

There's nothing in the OP that says with certainty the TA couldn't be bothered. First of all, it's not clear if the teacher was also there or if she was doing home time on her own. That alone explains all the logistical issues . She can't leave the kids to look for spares, or make phone calls or anything. If it's all kids out at the gate, she can't leave one behind on their own in the class either. That's a school funding/staffing issue not a TA that can't be bothered.

Or both she and teacher were in and came to the conclusion that due to the timing and no spare clothes policy (if there is one), the best thing would be to take DD out and explain to her carer what happened.

She should not have done it in earshot of other parents, especially if she was loud enough to be overheard. But again it will also depend on the logistics of hometime. DD's school is a nightmare if you want a private conversation. Same one person gate, kids behind whose parents haven't collected, the current year group and their parents, stragglers, and the next year group parents lining up to wait for their kids. Mine is much better , purely because of the building setups. Also, no one does home time on their own now that all the kids are back.

@Abraxan

They should have called so you or the nanny could bring some to pick up. It would have taken 2 minutes.

Do you work in a school?
Because in most schools it isn't a 2 minute job to call a parent.

First you need someone to cover your class so you can go to the office, or you need to send a responsible child with a note, that you need to quickly write, to the office. At present this is trickier as it needs to be someone from the correct bubble, though we do sometimes have to break this for emergencies despite it not being in the lea risk assessment.
Then when at office you need to look through the files or log into,sims to find the contact number.
Then call the first contact.
In this case it wouldn't have been the first contact who was collecting, so then either that person or school have to contact the correct contact to speak to them.
As it's pick up time the chances of not being answered is very high in my experience, so another delay.

The office may be next door or it may be upstairs, across the schools or via the playground depending on school office and class layout/locations.

I'm the meantime said parent could have already arrived.

The op did say it happened just before pick up. This is a very busy time in primary schools, especially under the covid guidelines we are being told to work under.

I’m sorry but our primary school is absolutely massive and I would still NOT be sending a child home in wet clothes. I have never done so. I’ve sorted kids out right before home time.

This “it takes so long it’s impossible” attitude gives school staff a bad name. It is not that hard.

When I was a TA in reception a child once had a poo explosion whilst they were lining up to go home. I obviously changed him as quickly as possible because we couldn’t send a child out crying covered in poo 😂 obviously worse than having wet themselves but it’s just what you do! It’s part of the job.

@Loopylobes

I would absolutely not have left a child wet and dismissed them wet.

So it's not absolute bollocks then. You've agree it's not acceptable and you wouldn't have done it.

You would have found a way to preserve the child's dignity and make sure she didn't go home wet. The TA should have done the same.

What was 'absolute bollocks' was you telling me that I ought to focus on 'priorities' and that I should 'find a way.' It was hugely patronising.

My priority is every child in my class. I would find a way. I was explaining that when you have to prioritise 30 children in your class sometimes things can slide when you really don't want them to. Safety comes first.

If it was a choice between me abandoning my 29 other children to dismiss themselves, or leaving a wet child alone in a toilet while I trekked across the other side of the school with 29 others and didn't come back for 20 mins (during which time anything could have happened to the child) then I'm sorry but I'd have to do what went against what I believed and take a wet child out to a parent when I dismissed everyone. It would be an awful choice to make but the only one that ensured every child was safe.

Don't assume anyone is lazy. Realise that difficult decisions sometimes have to be made in the best interests of all children.

Having said that, I would find a way as my school is amazing, but not all schools are and a lone TA may have had no choice.

Hi all,
Thanks so much for your responses. This has been really insightful. I don't agree with all the views expressed, but have a much better idea of some of the logistical struggles schools and teachers face. I still believe it could have been handled better and will have a quiet chat with school. Will definitely take up the suggestion many have made here and try to generate a box of spares if they're amenable. Don't think I'll ever let my children leave home without spare clothes again!!

Safety comes first.

Of course it does.

Dignity should also be prioritised. Is that patronising too?

I'm probably more aware than most of the difficult decisions that sometimes have to be made to safeguard children.

The fact remains that there is no reasonable excuse for the TA's actions and it needs dealing with so she doesn't do it again.

@Loopylobes

Safety comes first.

Of course it does.

Dignity should also be prioritised. Is that patronising too?

I'm probably more aware than most of the difficult decisions that sometimes have to be made to safeguard children.

The fact remains that there is no reasonable excuse for the TA's actions and it needs dealing with so she doesn't do it again.

You're more aware than most of safeguarding issues? Well bully for you.

That's definitely incredibly patronising.

I'm sorry but if you don't understand how putting 30 children first in terms of safety when placed in a very tricky situation then you clearly actually have no idea of the reality of school staff and how we have to safeguard all children.

Dignity is clearly hugely important but it doesn't take more priority than ensuring all of the children in my class are safely dismissed to the correct carer or potentially putting them all in danger by leaving them alone to wander off, and that includes the wet child.

Can you not see how a member of school staff might have to make a very tricky decision at a moment's notice?

I agree it's unacceptable and the school does need to look at policy but please read what people are saying. School staff are hugely stretched and saying they are lazy is a kick in the teeth.

Op, it's unacceptable and the school need to deal with it. It sounds like the TA needs more support. Send it some spare clothes as well.

If she was in her PE kit then surely the sensible decision would be for the TA to help her get cleaned up and put her uniform back on instead of letting her go home in soiled clothes. I definitely don't think you're being unreasonable here.

@VegCheeseandCrackers

If she was in her PE kit then surely the sensible decision would be for the TA to help her get cleaned up and put her uniform back on instead of letting her go home in soiled clothes. I definitely don't think you're being unreasonable here.

I think the OP means that her p.e kit was the clothing for the whole day, the only clothing, not that she also had uniform she could change back in to.

Why do some people seem to find ‘prioritised’ such a difficult one? It means you put one thing before another. Sometimes you can’t do all the things you’d like to do. Unless you can astrally project your body, you can’t be in reception digging out spares and dismissing 30 kids at the same time.

@VegCheeseandCrackers

If she was in her PE kit then surely the sensible decision would be for the TA to help her get cleaned up and put her uniform back on instead of letting her go home in soiled clothes. I definitely don't think you're being unreasonable here.

Most schools seem to be having kids come in in their PE kit on gym day. No changing of clothes so no uniform for her to change into.

@Lou98

To be honest I'm not really sure that either of you are unreasonable.

It's fair that you're upset about your daughter being left in wet clothes for that long but equally, I've never heard of schools having spare clothes for children that age (I'm in Scotland so different here but I'm assuming year 1 she is 5/6?). Plus I would imagine that due to covid they won't be allowed to give out clothes.
I do, however, though think they could have phoned you to bring in a change of clothes for when you pick her up so that she didn't have to walk home still wet. Although, depending how close it was to pick up if they knew it was quite far and that you would likely already be near the school so unable to get spare clothes this could be why they never.

I think it's just one of those things that needs to be chalked up to unfortunate experience and at least now you know they don't have spare clothes so can send in some with her. It's a rubbish situation but what's done is done so I'd say probably best to just move on

You have summed up what I was going to say really well.

I think Covid 19 rules will probably have a lot to do with no spare clothing allowed.