Year 1 child had accident at school and they had no spare clothes - AIBU?

[ArtemisFlop]

I'd appreciate views about this as I'm turning it over in my mind and feel really uncomfortable (cross!)
DD in year 1 had an accident at school on Thursday, apparently not long before pick up time. This hasn't happened in year 1 before, pretty unusual for DD. In reception we took spare clothes to school but hadn't thought of it when we went back to school after the last lockdown ending in March. After-school nanny called me at work sounding quite worried and said she didn't know what to do as she has been due to take the kids to older child's activity but the TA had handed DD over to her in the playground at pick up time and DD was absolutely soaked. Nanny asked TA if they'd got some spare clothes so she could change her before coming home and TA said they don't have spare clothes and would usually just call a parent and ask them to come in with some but as it had happened so close to pick up they didn't think there'd be time. Nanny ended up bringing both kids straight home so DD could change but we live 30 minutes walk or a 15 minute bus ride from school so DD was wet through all that time plus however long it was before end of the school day that she wet herself. Nanny also told me the conversation about this took place in front of a bunch of DD's classmates and other parents. She said she felt like they just couldn't wait to hand over DD so it was someone else's problem.
I saw the TA in the playground the next day whilst handing over spare clothes for DD which I'll ask them to keep on her leg in case of any further incidents. I told her I was very surprised and disappointed they hadn't been able to offer a change of clothes. T A was apologetic but kept saying 'but I expected to see you shortly' as if the problem had been that nanny picked up and not me. I told her whether it was me or the nanny DD would have the same journey home. But the TA just said they don't have clothes for children and mumbled something about COViD. Have since received an email from the class teacher basically saying the same thing (ie sorry, not sorry).
For info this is a very large primary with a wide catchment and so there'll be many other families who don't live on the doorstep.
AIBU or should primary schools have a change of clothes for the occasional accidents and not leave children in wet clothes until parents arrive?

@midnightstar66 that is honestly awful. Can they not be charged with the replacement? So if you don't return it by you'll be charged £ for it's replacement? Sorry I can imagine it must be so frustrating. I'm frustrated on your behalf!

@x2boys

I'm not sure how covid is an excuse,my child has severe autism and learning disabilities,and goes to a special school,obviously school expect accidents from all age groups so have an abundance of spare clothing ,but they don't use the covid excuse ,and if a child needs changing they change them .

It can be in several ways.

First of all no PE kits in school.

Stock being depleted and not replaced , kids don't leave behind as many things or bringing extras, parents not bringing any old stuff in or not returning what they did get etc.

Heads making policies that TA's have no say over and getting rid of all the spares or put away for the foreseeable.

Some schools don't even get to set their own policies on Covid. The LA gives them the risk assessment that they must comply with.

[quote Jumpers268]@Abraxan our school have told us not to bring anything additional into schools. I'm thinking if I donate a few sets of the school uniform for his year group this would help? He's never had a toilet accident at school but I can imagine him falling into a puddle 😂.[/quote]
It would be a big help for many schools, especially in the bigger sizes.
We do try to keep on top of ours but most clothes aren't returned and sending out requests doesn't often bring very much in. Most of our donations come from staff.

I'd also argue that school should be allowing children to have a spare set of at least bottoms with them - pants/socks/leggings/joggers for example. This is by far the easiest way to deal with it - the clothes fit the child, it doesn't matter when not returned, child is happier in own clothes, and they are often closer to hand as cloakroom is often closer than the central cupboard of spares. And a small pack of clothes can easily fit inside a book bag, etc.

Yeah I'm sure accidents are common in reception which is all the more reason to have spares isn't it. Yes in an ideal world every parent would provide spares, but they don't, but I don't think children should suffer because of that.

We do provide spares but once they are used I can't magic up some more and I certainly can't leave my 1:1 child for half an hour to drive to the nearest supermarket and buy new clothing from my 9k a year salary. It's bad enough I have to leave him for 15 while I go searching to the nursery in the hope they have some big enough then assist the dc in question. We dont have any general TA's due to budget cuts.

@Jumpers268

Are the spares not signed out as such? At my son's school, we get given a copy of the sign out sheet as such with what has been given and the date it needs to be returned with my son's name on it. I've never not returned it but I'd assume there's a log of who has the spares that haven't been returned? No idea if that makes sense or not haha.

Nope. We can't even get the parents to return school books . We also can't stop giving them out so some children end the year with 10/12 school books that are gone forever. Then the parents moan why are we always fundraising for new school books.

@Abraxan thank you! I'll speak to his teacher about him having spare joggers and pants in his book bag for just in case. In reception he had a spare jumper on his peg, but since getting a chew necklace he's stopped chewing his jumper and if I'm honest I never considered that parents actually don't return the spares.

@AccidentallyOnPurpose blows my mind that parents don't return things like clothes and books?! In reception they had this bear that would be sent home with a child each weekend and my son got felt tip on the bears top and I was mortified. I ordered a new top but I was so embarrassed. His teacher couldn't believe I'd ordered the bear another top 😂😂😂.

We have spares at school but I would also recommend all parents keep a spare set of pants, socks and trousers in their child’s bag. Even past the ages of wetting themselves, children can be unexpectedly sick, spill their entire water bottle down themselves etc.

It also means that if, for example, a child jumps in a huge puddle at lunch, they can change themselves into dry clothes without directly involving a member of staff.

I would do this the whole way through primary.

Schools do seem to have different Covid policies, in Scotland at least I think the gov made the guidance deliberately loose to get schools to develop their own ideas. If this is the case though, the school should have flagged that you need to add a change to their school bags.

@ButterflyBitch

I work in a school. There is no way we would leave a child soaking wet like that. I’d be fuming if it happened to my own child. We do have spare clothes though. I’d expect there to be some lost property or something somewhere for kids even if they don’t have their pe kit. I can’t believe a school has no other clothes at all. Yanbu.

And if there aren't any? Do you expect the school to buy clothes and replace them regularly?

I always donate DD's old uniforms and pants. The teachers are always grateful and tell me how very little they have left if any at all.

OP should find out if it's an issue of lack of clothing or an issue of policy. If it's policy,it needs looking at .

@Jumpers268 the bears don't come back either. We don't do those anymore 🙄😆

Regardless of the OP failed her child by not providing a change of clothing for a hypothetical, the school staff failed her by not dealing appropriately with the actual situation.

Covid is not a justification for failing to provide spare clothing for children who have accidents. If their Covid risk assessment really caused this, they need to revisit it and apply some logic and common sense.

A lack of readily-available spare clothing is not a justification for failing to protect a child's dignity when they have had an accident.

The child was in their care and had an urgent need. They clearly thought that their responsibility ended once they handed the child over. It didn't. They were responsible for the child's dignity and well-being not being protected on the journey home.

You do not hand over a child in soiled clothing to another carer in full view and hearing of their peers, when you know full well that they won't be equipped to deal with it, and just walk away.

The TA made a misjudgment and the teacher has supported her inappropriately . You need to let the head teacher know and hope that the, at least, are competent and will apologise and make sure this doesn't happen to others.

In year 1, I still sent in spares that were kept in the PE bag. Y2 I haven't.

I think that I'd take it on the chin that covid etc means they don't have spares.

Of course the school should have clothes for these situations. If they all get used that is understandable, but in this case it seems not to have been considered.

I clearly remember the emergency pants in the big press in junior/senior infants. They were sturdy, turquoise blue, made of towelling cloth, and possibly waterproof. They saw a lot of action every September.

Can I just ask why kids aren’t allowed to bring in PE kits due to covid? I’m not being cheeky, I’m genuinely curious why covid affects them having a PE kit on their peg?

I'm a year 1 teacher and I have spare pants in my desk drawer but don't keep spare clothes. They do in the foundation stage but they have problems with running out of them because they're rarely returned.

@midnightstar66 that is honestly awful. Can they not be charged with the replacement? So if you don't return it by you'll be charged £ for it's replacement? Sorry I can imagine it must be so frustrating. I'm frustrated on your behalf

No we can't charge. It's a hugely deprived area so we wouldn't dream of it. Tbh they are welcome to keep them but putting them in the bag for future use would be massively helpful.

In normal times they change into PE kit. I should imagine this is the first time this has happened in covid times and they hadn't pre planned for the situation. They'll probably do something about it, now they've realised.

Let it go.

I really would feel it's usually the parent's responsibility to provide spare clothes in case of accidents and not the school
When they were small enough for accidents to be a possibility mine had spare pants and trousers in their PE kit bags. I think we were advised to do that in reception. I stopped bothering in KS2 and he promptly fell over in a puddle and I had to come in with some spare pants, socks and trousers.

If the school are saying no PE kits in school then I guess that does mean parents can't provide and there is more argument for a contingency. I would expect that they would have some spares anyway for kids with flaky parents but that they wouldn't advertise that as it would push more responsibility on the school that should be on the parents

In this case what they did wrong was to not call and warn you/ nanny to bring clothes in with you and maybe not to have considered the consequences of the no PE kit issue for accidents.

You could write a complaint or just ring and ask to discuss how it could be managed better on future. Or just let it go if unlikely to happen again.

Can I just ask why kids aren’t allowed to bring in PE kits due to covid? I’m not being cheeky, I’m genuinely curious why covid affects them having a PE kit on their peg?

Tbh I don't know. Initially it was though that surface transmission was a thing - we know now it isn't so who knows why they are keeping sole of the rules they are. Not the choice of the individual schools though in most cases, however we don't use pe kits in p1 or 2 either at the school I work or dc school so it wouldn't help those ages that need it most anyway

@midnightstar66 thank you! That’s what I was thinking, that surely it’s not any riskier than anything else. I feel some “covid rules” are now just being used as an excuse

@Newmama29

Can I just ask why kids aren’t allowed to bring in PE kits due to covid? I’m not being cheeky, I’m genuinely curious why covid affects them having a PE kit on their peg?

It's the getting changed part that's the issue mainly. The rooms are already overcrowded generally just sitting at desks. When they are getting changed it's even more busy and even closer contact. Also if you've ever dealt with young children getting changed, everything is just muddled up. Items go missing, get mixed up etc.

Our risk assessments come via the Lea and they say to do this. All the schools I know and those my friends/family go to have the same.

Tbh I'd prefer it to remain this way Ongoing as it's so much easier. You actually get your full PE slot rather than half o it wasted with getting changed.

So she wet herself?
What school keeps spare communal knickers?
And would you really want your kid in them?

Its your job as a parent to provide these things so its solely your fault she didnt have a change of clothes.

My question would be more focused on WHY a 6 year old wet themselves (was she not allowed to use the toilet?) and why I wasnt contacted.

[quote Newmama29]@midnightstar66 thank you! That’s what I was thinking, that surely it’s not any riskier than anything else. I feel some “covid rules” are now just being used as an excuse[/quote]
Yes, but the covid policies were drawn up in May and then revisited in August when the science has less well understood and surface transmission was a concern. The policies were revised again in January in response to wave 2 when it would have been mad to take away measures that may have been useful, even if minimally so.

Our school has found it much better anyway having children come in PE kits two days per week and is planning to continue anyway. About 20 minutes per lesson is wasted on changing in infants so it allows more physical activity. It also avoids lost clothes and making children change in public spaces, which many prefer not to.

Off the point of the thread though - if no spare PE kits, schools should have a solution for emergencies. I don't actually know what our school would do, if I'm honest. Will endeavour to find out.

I think they should have spares. Kids being wet at this age is more often than most people realise. Not saying yours has a continence issue but lots do. Most schools have a second hand cupboard - or primary had one in the hall fit to burst. I think it is very poor care.

My point of view is strictly as a parent. And, IMO, the parent is the main fail here, for not supplying the spare clothes to be kept at school

Most primaries around here banned bags/spare clothes at the beginning of the pandemic. There is a duty of care and should be a continence plan in the school. Local primaries stopped taking clothing donations but instead asked for small donations if possible and stocked budget joggers and underpants from that.

Yes Covid makes life more difficult but it's rapidly becoming the GDPR/Health and Safety of generic excuse making.

As PP have said - if an adult was discharged from care in this state it would be a safeguarding issue.