Year 1 child had accident at school and they had no spare clothes - AIBU?

[ArtemisFlop]

I'd appreciate views about this as I'm turning it over in my mind and feel really uncomfortable (cross!)
DD in year 1 had an accident at school on Thursday, apparently not long before pick up time. This hasn't happened in year 1 before, pretty unusual for DD. In reception we took spare clothes to school but hadn't thought of it when we went back to school after the last lockdown ending in March. After-school nanny called me at work sounding quite worried and said she didn't know what to do as she has been due to take the kids to older child's activity but the TA had handed DD over to her in the playground at pick up time and DD was absolutely soaked. Nanny asked TA if they'd got some spare clothes so she could change her before coming home and TA said they don't have spare clothes and would usually just call a parent and ask them to come in with some but as it had happened so close to pick up they didn't think there'd be time. Nanny ended up bringing both kids straight home so DD could change but we live 30 minutes walk or a 15 minute bus ride from school so DD was wet through all that time plus however long it was before end of the school day that she wet herself. Nanny also told me the conversation about this took place in front of a bunch of DD's classmates and other parents. She said she felt like they just couldn't wait to hand over DD so it was someone else's problem.
I saw the TA in the playground the next day whilst handing over spare clothes for DD which I'll ask them to keep on her leg in case of any further incidents. I told her I was very surprised and disappointed they hadn't been able to offer a change of clothes. T A was apologetic but kept saying 'but I expected to see you shortly' as if the problem had been that nanny picked up and not me. I told her whether it was me or the nanny DD would have the same journey home. But the TA just said they don't have clothes for children and mumbled something about COViD. Have since received an email from the class teacher basically saying the same thing (ie sorry, not sorry).
For info this is a very large primary with a wide catchment and so there'll be many other families who don't live on the doorstep.
AIBU or should primary schools have a change of clothes for the occasional accidents and not leave children in wet clothes until parents arrive?

We have spare clothes for infants (usually provided by a teacher from clothes their own children have outgrown). For a junior, I would have cobbled something together from the vast amounts of lost property there usually are in schools. My daughter has accidents at nursery sometimes and seems to be sent home in any old pants, despite me having sent about 5 labelled pairs in!

OP, my primary child had three accidents like this in the first 3 years of school, came out of nowhere and correlated with onset of an illness.
Now we keep a spare top, skirt, underwear and socks rolled tightly in a plastic bag and tucked into the bottom of her school bag. She knows it's there and can change herself if need be then put the wet clothes into the plastic bag to bring them home. By 5 or 6 your child is old enough to change herself so just provide the clothes and any future accidents will be less embarrassing.

The school should not have left her in wet clothing. That is completely unacceptable. Please write to the HT, explain you have already discussed it with the TA and Class teacher and it's not reasonable to leave any child wet for any length of time.

Tell them the resolution you would lile is that they review their policy to ensure this doesn't happen to any other child.

Additionally- there should have been no discussion about this in front of other children and parents.

(When my kids had an accident in y1 or even y2....the member of staff that noticed actually sent all the kids into the playground so they were unaware of the issue. They then gave.my kids clothes to wear....borrowed pants and pe kit - but if there was no pe kit it would be lost property. Not keeping spare clothes in school 'because of covid' does not put the welfare of the kids first.

The TA should have been discreet invited the nanny in and told her quietly in a corner or asked her to wait until the others had gone. I am surprised that they don’t have spare clothing. We always had some in class and in the infant cupboard their was a box of it often from PTA parents occasionally from lost property the term before. I can’t see what the difference is since Covid. Do they do the same in Nursery and Reception? I doubt it.
For those thinking they won’t have spares in Yr1 we had clothing right up to Yr 2 and other classes usually had a set for trip days and older children do occasionally have accidents right up to Yr6. We also had spare knickers in case older girls started there periods and we had pads too in a box in the staff toilet.

I work in a secondary school and we keep spare clothes in case they are needed for any reason. OP is not being unreasonable. Children have ‘accidents’ at all ages for a variety of reasons, older girls leak when they are on their period, boys and girls experience diarrhoea. Children vomit etc etc.

Did DD ask to go to the toilet?

I would feel awful if I left a child in Wet clothes for any amount of time. I hope you speak to the school and get them
To address this so that it doesn’t happen again.

I used to send pants, socks and tracksuit bottoms rolled tightly in a zip lock in the bottom of my kid’s bags.
I didn’t see it as the school’s job to provide clothing tbh and I’m surprised you do
The older girls now have a spare pair of pants, tights, in case of period mishaps

It’s not a ‘school’s job to provide clothing’ when needed but it’s just a human thing to do for children.

Every school I've worked in would have been able to find clothes from somewhere. I'd be furious too, your poor DD. How long was she sitting in class in wet clothes? It's a rotten thing to do to a child.

Or a parent’s job?

No one sounds in the wrong here. It was close to pick up time so whoever was picking up would have already been on their way and not have time bring a change of clothes.

I am a yr 1 teacher in a low socio-economic area. We try to keep spare clothes on hand but....this isn't something that just magically appears. I buy it out of my money, they are my own children's out grown uniforms or it's unclaimed lost property.

Lost property does not usually ever include shorts/pants / skirts, socks or underpants. It's usually just jumpers and hats.

Last year I purchased 4 pairs of shorts and 2 pairs of pants in the 2 most common sizes. Despite writing "Mrs Nittersing" on the tags and asking for them to be returned I got none back.

If your child wet themselves and I had run out of spares then you'd get a phone call to bring spares to the school. Unless it was in the last few minutes of the school day when I'd have no time to find someone else to mind my class while I headed to a phone to call /parent already on their way.

This is just one of those things that happen at times with kids ( accidents, wee, poop, vomit, food spillages, pants ripping...) Spare clothes are not a given but we do try our best. It does sound like the T.A. could have been more discrete but it is hard to be discrete with any messages at pick up time.

This is just not an incident of injustice or wrong doing, however awkward and embarrassing for your daughter. We all feel for her and most of us have some kind of incident from our childhood which caused us some degree of social embarrassment, it's a part of life.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I'd be upset if my child was sent home wet and had had to be in wet clothes in school for however long. In my experience a lot of schools have something she could have changed into that would have been better than wet clothes, and if not they should have at least tried to phone you or nanny so you had the chance to bring something in and change her at pick up time. I think it was handled insensitively.

Schools operate in different ways so children don’t always have their school bags with them. In many cases, it’s just easier for the adults to show a bit of kindness and give them a change of clothes (without any fuss) so that the child doesn’t have to sit in wet/soiled clothing and isn’t embarrassed.

Also- some children also don’t have parents/ carers who care so much unfortunately so it’s better for schools to adopt a policy that shows kindness (ie be human) to all of the children.

I think you are being unreasonable. She was a bit wet for a while. She won’t die.

What a lovely response. I do hope you don’t work with children.

I would expect spare clothes to be the parents responsibility to provide and not the schools?

In a lot of primary schools, children don’t have their bags in the classroom with them. Do you expect a child to put their hand up and ask to go to their bag without being asked ‘Why do you need to go to your bag?’ Causing further embarrassment.

Also, as I said, no some children’s parents don’t provide them with a spare set of clothes- shall we take it out in the children?

Unreal.

They should have called so the nanny could bring in spare clothes. Your child shouldn't have had to leave the school in wet clothes! How close to home time was it? 5 minutes? Half an hour? How long did your child have to stand wet? That's outrageous. I would definitely be having a word with the teacher asking why they thought it was acceptable to leave your child soaking and not even call to ask someone to bring spare clothes in knowing your child would have to remain in those clothes!
Maybe the school also could do with sending an email to all parents letting them know covid means they can't have spare clothes and maybe each parent could provide a change of clothes for their own children for these situations.

It is not a part of life. Honestly, we are not in the 1800s. Even if schools don’t provide new clothes, they tend to have lost property boxes full of clothes they can lend to a child.

Has all empathy been lost or is it just me?

I have a year 1 class this year and they have their own spare clothes in school. We might have some jackets and jumpers, scarves, hats, gloves, drinks bottles, etc. in lost property but it's rather rare that children leave behind trousers, shorts or underwear. (Not that I'd want to give any of mine spare underwear from lost property. Eww...)
If anything like that happens, we usually try and call the parents to ask them to bring something in. If it's very close to pickup time, we'd still try to reach them so that their child can change when they get picked up.

@wanderbug

The only spare clothes we have in school are either:

• Clothes the parents have sent in for their child
• Donations from staff after their own children have outgrown them,
• Lost property from previous years that hasn't been claimed.

When we send home clothes from school, it's rare for it to be returned by the parents. It means that we have very little clothing left.

Our school's policy would be to phone the parents/carers and ask them to bring something in. We'd look for something for the child to wear in the meantime but chances are that it would be either too big or too small for them and therefore unsuitable to go home in.

This seems a ridiculous system. How long could a child be waiting in wet clothes for?

I'm really shocked by this thread. I think it's the schools responsibility to have a stock of cheap clothes for this type of incident.
In a primary school it's hardly unusual for a child to have an accident, spill a drink etc. and need a change!

I’m really shocked by this thread too. Ta pretty depressing to read some of the comments.

*It’s

How awful for your DD. Hard to believe that no one could pop into the Reception class and ask them for some spare knickers and leggings.

Op if I were you I would escalate this to the head and ask them to review the way they are currently managing this.

Covid risk from spare clothes is not an excuse IMO. they could quarantine any for 3 days after washing to mitigate any risk.