Year 1 child had accident at school and they had no spare clothes - AIBU?

[ArtemisFlop]

I'd appreciate views about this as I'm turning it over in my mind and feel really uncomfortable (cross!)
DD in year 1 had an accident at school on Thursday, apparently not long before pick up time. This hasn't happened in year 1 before, pretty unusual for DD. In reception we took spare clothes to school but hadn't thought of it when we went back to school after the last lockdown ending in March. After-school nanny called me at work sounding quite worried and said she didn't know what to do as she has been due to take the kids to older child's activity but the TA had handed DD over to her in the playground at pick up time and DD was absolutely soaked. Nanny asked TA if they'd got some spare clothes so she could change her before coming home and TA said they don't have spare clothes and would usually just call a parent and ask them to come in with some but as it had happened so close to pick up they didn't think there'd be time. Nanny ended up bringing both kids straight home so DD could change but we live 30 minutes walk or a 15 minute bus ride from school so DD was wet through all that time plus however long it was before end of the school day that she wet herself. Nanny also told me the conversation about this took place in front of a bunch of DD's classmates and other parents. She said she felt like they just couldn't wait to hand over DD so it was someone else's problem.
I saw the TA in the playground the next day whilst handing over spare clothes for DD which I'll ask them to keep on her leg in case of any further incidents. I told her I was very surprised and disappointed they hadn't been able to offer a change of clothes. T A was apologetic but kept saying 'but I expected to see you shortly' as if the problem had been that nanny picked up and not me. I told her whether it was me or the nanny DD would have the same journey home. But the TA just said they don't have clothes for children and mumbled something about COViD. Have since received an email from the class teacher basically saying the same thing (ie sorry, not sorry).
For info this is a very large primary with a wide catchment and so there'll be many other families who don't live on the doorstep.
AIBU or should primary schools have a change of clothes for the occasional accidents and not leave children in wet clothes until parents arrive?

That's not good. I think accidents at that age are predictable so spares should be around. Also if the policy is to call home then they should have - so that the collector can bring spares, although not sure where they would change the child...

At least now you have given them spares in case this happens again

I think their parents should provide spares and not the school
I agree with PP. Who wants a communal pot of underwear that's been shared around incontinent children? Gross.
Are schools seriously supposed to keep spare packs of pants both sexes and all ages? I find that an unreasonable expectation
Lost property is hardly going to contain lost knickers surely

Also Im curious about people talking about clothes in general and the school 'should have spares', for instances like if their trousers get soaked in the rain (which could happen to a whole class at once if a sudden downpour happens during break/lunch/outdoor class).

By year 6 my DS was in adult clothing (biggest in his class) by comparason the smallest in his class was barely the size of a kid half his age and some of the girls where so slim a breeze could blow them away and one has always been morbidly obese and thats just one class where no 2 kids are the same size/shape... how are schools expected to have spare clothes that fit every kid?

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@PrincessTuna

That's not good. I think accidents at that age are predictable so spares should be around. Also if the policy is to call home then they should have - so that the collector can bring spares, although not sure where they would change the child...

At least now you have given them spares in case this happens again

Where should the spares come from? Everyone think there should be spares. Let's assume the school started with 0 in September. Where should these spares come from?

Wow, what if you had to get the bus home?!

Even if it happened so close to the end of the day, they should have at least phoned you or nanny so that you could pick up some clothes from the supermarket quickly.

The attitude of your school reminds me of how the local 'outstanding' OFSTED school would probably deal with the issue - we have a policy and we are sticking to it, but there's very little care in how to talk to parents about sensitive issues or thought for the comfort of the children.
Our little 'good' school may not have asked Y1 to all have spares in school for everyone - but they would have hunted around for something - either from reception or from another child that may have spares in and they certainly would talk to parents discreetly.

@Crazycakelady17

I would be really upset in “normal” times but things are different at the moment as usually they would have pe kit etc My DD started her period in school aged 10 they obviously didn’t have any underwear for her age group they tried phoning me but I was In a hospital appointment no signal the pastoral lead popped to the local supermarket 5 mins away from school and bought some underwear. As soon as I received the call I went straight home picked up her bits luckily she had the new underwear.

That's actually shit of the school not to be prepared for age 10/11 girls to have periods. We actually did have a year 6 girl have a wetting accident recently, obviously mortifying at that age, but we did have pants because we have period supplies.

It is really bad of year 1 not to have spare clothes, because it is not that unusual for children of that age to have accidents, and how do people think having them creates a risk of spreading Covid?

@Newmama29

It's the fact that children need close help to change.

@AccidentallyOnPurpose. The spares should come from the parents. The school should ask parents to donate outgrown clothing for the school to use as spares. Many parents would be happy to do this (and also chuck in a cheap pack of new pants as well). The school could let parents know whenever they are running low and ask for new donations/ items to be returned.

If a child regularly has accidents or the parents object to communal clothes I would think they would provide their own spares. However occasional accidents will happen across KS1 and it would seem more sensible for the school to have a few spares rather than 30 sets from each child hanging about. This is what my school do, either lost property or donations of old uniform. As for pp saying borrowing pants is gross it’s a lot better (and less uncomfortable and humiliating) than having to go home in urine soaked clothes. Sorry this happened to your DD OP, I agree it should be managed differently.

@AccidentallyOnPurpose. The spares should come from the parents. The school should ask parents to donate outgrown clothing for the school to use as spares. Many parents would be happy to do this (and also chuck in a cheap pack of new pants as well). The school could let parents know whenever they are running low and ask for new donations/ items to be returned.

We do this but the accidents far outweigh the donations

@mam0918

Also Im curious about people talking about clothes in general and the school 'should have spares', for instances like if their trousers get soaked in the rain (which could happen to a whole class at once if a sudden downpour happens during break/lunch/outdoor class).

By year 6 my DS was in adult clothing (biggest in his class) by comparason the smallest in his class was barely the size of a kid half his age and some of the girls where so slim a breeze could blow them away and one has always been morbidly obese and thats just one class where no 2 kids are the same size/shape... how are schools expected to have spare clothes that fit every kid?

Sitting in clothes that are wet from rain is totally different from sitting in piss-soaked pants!

That's actually shit of the school not to be prepared for age 10/11 girls to have periods. We actually did have a year 6 girl have a wetting accident recently, obviously mortifying at that age, but we did have pants because we have period supplies.

We have plenty of stuff for 10/11 year olds. It's just anything under that we've used up (including sending 4 year olds home in age 9 clothing)

@Jobseeker19

Wow, what if you had to get the bus home?!

Even if it happened so close to the end of the day, they should have at least phoned you or nanny so that you could pick up some clothes from the supermarket quickly.

By the sounds of it the nanny doesn't drive (since she mentions walking and bus) so there's no popping to the supermarket quickly, plus she very likely was on her way due to the length of the journey.

It was a really shitty thing to happen to a small child caused by a mix of unfortunate and some preventable circumstances.

OP is not unreasonable to challenge the policy . Some posters are though by labelling the TA inhumane,lazy,dirty,feckless,uncaring etc.

@midnightstar66

That's actually shit of the school not to be prepared for age 10/11 girls to have periods. We actually did have a year 6 girl have a wetting accident recently, obviously mortifying at that age, but we did have pants because we have period supplies.

We have plenty of stuff for 10/11 year olds. It's just anything under that we've used up (including sending 4 year olds home in age 9 clothing)

Yes, I responding to a PP who said her daughter started her period at school and they tried to phone her, but were unable to get through, so a member of staff had to nip out and buy some.

I was responding

🤷‍♀️ we have spare clothes up to year 6 sizes. Year 1 is fine to have an occasional accident, they’re like 6 at the oldest. YANBU. I’ve changed kids at 3:25 before. You don’t send a child out in wet clothes.

Spare clothes is usually lost property stuff. Don't waste your energy being cross with people who care for your child for 6 hours a day. Be cross when there's something to be cross about.

My children are now in secondary school but I have never, ever been asked by either their infant or primary school for clothes to be donated. I would have happily given them piles of stuff.

Please contact the head. This is completely unacceptable. Plus Covid transmission does not happen on surfaces as was originally thought so that excuse is a load of guff.

[quote Jellybabiesforbreakfast]@AccidentallyOnPurpose. The spares should come from the parents. The school should ask parents to donate outgrown clothing for the school to use as spares. Many parents would be happy to do this (and also chuck in a cheap pack of new pants as well). The school could let parents know whenever they are running low and ask for new donations/ items to be returned.[/quote]
In some schools even regardless of Covid enough spares aren't brought in, particularly compared to need.

However, I do think Covid contributed in some cases on a social level. Very little face to face contact time with staff, no time for a chat and in many schools not allowed anyways, 5 minute slot in which you're allowed on the grounds, school grounds unavailable to parents, no access to school office in some schools , massive emphasis in sending kids to school with as little as possible, again in some cases just water bottle and water bottles if needed and so on.

I think all of this has contributed to parents being on the go, in and out, less community minded , weary about sending spares in, less aware and focused on the school's needs as a whole community,weary about their children wearing spares and so on.

They should have called so you or the nanny could bring some to pick up. It would have taken 2 minutes.

Sure they can't be expected to have spare clothes but one phonecall would have sorted this. There was no need for her to go home soaked.

@LettyLoman

Spare clothes is usually lost property stuff. Don't waste your energy being cross with people who care for your child for 6 hours a day. Be cross when there's something to be cross about.

OP can by all means challenge the policy ,if it's indeed policy. Not angry or cross but put her point across and if the school have the leeway review it so it doesn't happen again.

There are several things that can be looked at.

Did they get rid of spares? If yes,can they amend that.
Is it policy not to give spares ? If yes,can it be reviewed.
Are there simply none left ? If yes,can they ask parents to contribute or make them aware so they can send extras in their child's bag.
Was the TA on her own? Are there staffing issues? Can they be looked at?
Can they ensure to ring parents regardless of the time or leave a voicemail just so they are aware ? Gives the parents a chance to bring clothes in if possible and at least avoids an embarrassing conversation at the school gates.

Things can be done, or at least an effort to improve the situation for the future.

All this “it should be provided by the parents!” is all well and good but lots of parents just don’t do that. So what’s the solution - kids with parents who can’t be bothered, can’t afford spares, or forget just sit in wet/soiled clothes, but those with spare clothes can change?
It is absolutely the school’s responsibility to ensure that there are spare clothes available. I understand (from personal experience) that it’s difficult when the clothes don’t get returned, but you shouldn’t be in a situation where there are NO clothes for a year 1 child, and as a result she has to be wet for over half an hour. Not acceptable.

Even if she had wet herself at the last point of the day, whilst the class were waiting for their names to be called to be handed over the TA should have offered Nanny the choice of taking her home or waiting until all the class were dismissed and then finding some clothes for Nanny to change DD into.