Year 1 child had accident at school and they had no spare clothes - AIBU?

[ArtemisFlop]

I'd appreciate views about this as I'm turning it over in my mind and feel really uncomfortable (cross!)
DD in year 1 had an accident at school on Thursday, apparently not long before pick up time. This hasn't happened in year 1 before, pretty unusual for DD. In reception we took spare clothes to school but hadn't thought of it when we went back to school after the last lockdown ending in March. After-school nanny called me at work sounding quite worried and said she didn't know what to do as she has been due to take the kids to older child's activity but the TA had handed DD over to her in the playground at pick up time and DD was absolutely soaked. Nanny asked TA if they'd got some spare clothes so she could change her before coming home and TA said they don't have spare clothes and would usually just call a parent and ask them to come in with some but as it had happened so close to pick up they didn't think there'd be time. Nanny ended up bringing both kids straight home so DD could change but we live 30 minutes walk or a 15 minute bus ride from school so DD was wet through all that time plus however long it was before end of the school day that she wet herself. Nanny also told me the conversation about this took place in front of a bunch of DD's classmates and other parents. She said she felt like they just couldn't wait to hand over DD so it was someone else's problem.
I saw the TA in the playground the next day whilst handing over spare clothes for DD which I'll ask them to keep on her leg in case of any further incidents. I told her I was very surprised and disappointed they hadn't been able to offer a change of clothes. T A was apologetic but kept saying 'but I expected to see you shortly' as if the problem had been that nanny picked up and not me. I told her whether it was me or the nanny DD would have the same journey home. But the TA just said they don't have clothes for children and mumbled something about COViD. Have since received an email from the class teacher basically saying the same thing (ie sorry, not sorry).
For info this is a very large primary with a wide catchment and so there'll be many other families who don't live on the doorstep.
AIBU or should primary schools have a change of clothes for the occasional accidents and not leave children in wet clothes until parents arrive?

Typo in above said 'leg' when I meant 'peg'

Normally children would have their PE kit at school which they would be able to get changed into. However due to covid this isn’t the case, so they probably don’t have spare clothes for a yr1 child.

I would have thought they could have grabbed something from lost property/uniform sale so she wasn't left soaked. Maybe they genuinely didn't have time with getting all the children ready to pack up and get ready to go home? I don't think it would be intentionally neglectful but it doesn't sound great with the walk home.

Could they not have put her in her pe kit?

We keep spare clothes at the primary school I work in. School has a role to protect and care... I would be fuming if they sent my child home wet.

To be honest I'm not really sure that either of you are unreasonable.

It's fair that you're upset about your daughter being left in wet clothes for that long but equally, I've never heard of schools having spare clothes for children that age (I'm in Scotland so different here but I'm assuming year 1 she is 5/6?). Plus I would imagine that due to covid they won't be allowed to give out clothes.
I do, however, though think they could have phoned you to bring in a change of clothes for when you pick her up so that she didn't have to walk home still wet. Although, depending how close it was to pick up if they knew it was quite far and that you would likely already be near the school so unable to get spare clothes this could be why they never.

I think it's just one of those things that needs to be chalked up to unfortunate experience and at least now you know they don't have spare clothes so can send in some with her. It's a rubbish situation but what's done is done so I'd say probably best to just move on

I don't think I'd be bothered about the lack of spares (I suppose they can't hand out/take back right now due to Covid precautions) but i wouldn't be happy about them not calling you/nanny to come help out - not only was it uncomfortable but it must have been quite humiliating for your DD being spoken about so openly and being left in soiled clothing

Did she mumble something about COVID or explain that they don't keep spare clothes due to COVID?

Either way, I would've expected them to use her PE kit.

She was in her PE kit as they had PE that day. They're not taking it in or changing at school just wearing kit on PE days so she wouldn't have had a change of clothes with her (though I've taken spare clothes in now and will make sure she has a change with her from now on). I think it's predictable for a school that a child might have an occasional accident in this age group and would be reasonable for them to have a few spares to give the child an opportunity to change rather than hang around school in wet clothes. I'm relieved it didn't happen earlier in the day or on a day when I'm in the office (which is 1.5 hours away).

This is the issue - kids not having a pe kit in school (which is what teachers usually rely on in these cases). I can’t understand why this is a covid risk, it’s an airborne virus, but there we go. It’s horrible for your child and they shouldn’t have spoken about her in front of others. But to be fair, unless this is a common issue for your child (in which case I’d be insisting on spare stuff in school) it’s probably not something they’ve thought about because usually they use pe kit. And it’s not like I’ve always had immediate access to clothes for a child that age if it had happened when they were in my care - on a day out or a cinema trip for example.

We have no spare clothes left due to parents failing to return them - even when we ask for them back.

If this happened at my school, we would either change a child into their spare PE kit, or ring you immediately to ask you to bring in a change of clothes.

I would expect them to have spare clothes (DC’s school does) but if not, why did they not call you ASAP so you could arrive early and bring some with you? How did they expect you/nanny were going to get DD home soaking wet? I wouldn’t have been happy either OP.

Well, I guess you could argue that, if it's predictable for the school that a child might have an accident and need a change of clothes, it's predictable for the parents as well, so they should have sent in some spares. I think it's understandable that they don't have clothes to give out during covid times, but they should have called you to ask you to bring a change with you - unless the accident happened five minutes before home time, in which case, it would have been too late.

Not a nice situation for your dd at all, and it definitely sounds like they could have handled it more discreetly, but no permanent damage was done and you've provided the spare clothes in case it should happen again. I think it's just one of those things tbh.

The only spare clothes we have in school are either:

• Clothes the parents have sent in for their child
• Donations from staff after their own children have outgrown them,
• Lost property from previous years that hasn't been claimed.

When we send home clothes from school, it's rare for it to be returned by the parents. It means that we have very little clothing left.

Our school's policy would be to phone the parents/carers and ask them to bring something in. We'd look for something for the child to wear in the meantime but chances are that it would be either too big or too small for them and therefore unsuitable to go home in.

I would be really upset in “normal” times but things are different at the moment as usually they would have pe kit etc
My DD started her period in school aged 10 they obviously didn’t have any underwear for her age group they tried phoning me but I was In a hospital appointment no signal the pastoral lead popped to the local supermarket 5 mins away from school and bought some underwear.
As soon as I received the call I went straight home picked up her bits luckily she had the new underwear.

I think the biggest issue here is the TA's lack of sensitivity talking about your daughter's accident. Sloppy and unacceptable to potentially place her at risk of being picked on, I'd be having a stern word with the class teacher about discretion.

Did your child wet herself?! The school handed your child over at the end of the day covered in piss!!?? This is really outrageous. That would absolutely never happen at my children’s school.

I'd have expected them to use something out of lost property or to call so you could bring some with you. To do neither is not ok.

Whether they had spare clothes or not the 'she can wait until hometime' thing says a lot. In our school they'd have phoned. I'd be pretty pissed off, I'm glad you said it, might save some other child

Maybe you could use the incident to prompt the school to develop a continence policy, like the teachers' union suggests

neu.org.uk/advice/continence-and-toilet-issues-schools

The union guidance also says 'no child should be left in wet or soiled clothing'. YANBU.

At the school I work in we have some spares bit if nothing for we would call to ask parents to bring spare with them or bring in now depending on how close to pick up it was. Surprisingly old children wet themselves and we don't keep spares in big sizes.

I think the school were insensitive, but an accident in Y1 would be an unusual occurrence and not something a school would really anticipate.

Maybe slip some spare clothes into her bag for the future. Hope she's ok.

I'm normally pretty chilled, but I think that's a real lack of basic care from the school. Leaving dc in soiled clothing is like not feeding them - it's neglectful.

I don't think it is at all unpredictable for a y1 dc to have an accident, and there should be a contingency plan. At the very least they should have called you to get clean clothing asap.

It's not good that she was left wet for some time and especially not for the walk home.

But if it happened just before sometime, then it's true that they would have been too late to contact the nanny to bring spare clothes.

And they may not have any spare clothing in school at all.

So there really wasn't a good solution in this case.

I would expect the school, now realizing that there is an issue, should have a solution in place if this happens again to any child. I would suggest that you should ask about this and push for it, OP. It's a case of "what's done is done," but they need a better solution for next time.

People are talking as if the child might have been in wet clothes all afternoon, but it might have happened just a couple of minutes before pick up time? The school seems to have said that their normal policy is to phone home but they didn't on this occasion because it was already so close to pick-up?