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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It's a CF one! Neighbour taking free food.

170 replies

itsalifetimesworkfella · 24/04/2021 00:03

I live in a block of flats. 16 in the block. We've really come together during lockdown. Lots of support and checking in on each other. We're quite a mixed bunch. Some families, retired couples, single people etc. Not a well off area but ok.

We started a Whats App group to keep in touch and give practical support. I've worked throughout as has my husband. The teenagers been at school or home schooling. Like most, we've struggled in many ways but not thankfully not financially.

Anyway, one of our neighbours (early 40s and single) said early on she was financially struggling and worried about her job. Not sure she could keep paying her mortgage etc. We rallied around with food parcels, cooking meals and so on. We've basically fed her quite regularly for a year. She's had cooked meals, cakes, shopping done without paying. The lot. We've helped others too but she's really benefitted.

Well, yesterday she was joking about in WA saying how she wasn't looking forward to going back to work as she's so used to not working and getting her full wage for doing nothing. Someone asked if she had been on furlough the whole time, and she has but with her employer making up her wage to full salary.

So basically we've all been feeding her whilst on full salary! And doing nothing!!!

I'm gobsmacked that she has taken so much from everyone. Should I say something? Though not sure what I'd say as technically no one ever outright asked if she was getting paid and she didn't ask directly for stuff but never said no or gave back and she let us all think she had been impacted.

She's a CF, isn't she?

OP posts:
SpongeCakeAddict · 24/04/2021 00:17

Wow. I don't even know what to say. I'm sure you're not the only one who is thinking this.

SheldonesqueTheSecondComing · 24/04/2021 00:23

You need to ask?

greeneyedlulu · 24/04/2021 00:26

Did anyone respond to pull her up on it or is she continuing to get away it?

Do cheeky fuckers make them selves or do we make them by never pulling them up on their shitty behaviour?

greeneyedlulu · 24/04/2021 00:26

With it!!

Edit button please MN

TheQueef · 24/04/2021 00:26

Brass neck of some people.

aiwblam · 24/04/2021 00:30

Awful CF.
All the people on the group will be thinking the same.
I wouldn’t say anything but I wouldn’t give her any more food.
Having arguments with neighbours is a no no, which is why I’d say nothing.

LunaMuffinTop · 24/04/2021 00:30

Wow just wow I’m speechless at the brass neck of her I would have to pull her up on it. A*CF

aiwblam · 24/04/2021 00:31

And another hallmark of a CF is when you call them out, they react petulantly and often turn the problem round as your fault.

HeadLikeAFuckinOrange · 24/04/2021 00:31

Wow. I'd be making sure every neighbour in the block knew exactly what her game was.
What a huge kick in the teeth for everyone who's gone put of their way to show her kindness and support. What a horrid woman.

SympathyFatigue · 24/04/2021 00:34

Well she didn't ask for the food and nobody asked but yes, you'd know as a normal person that if your neighbours were cooking and doing your food shops for free, it might be best to say something.

What a lazy cow.

Houseofvelour · 24/04/2021 00:36

She's either completely unaware of what she's doing and how it looks or she's a grabby cow.
Either way, it's probably best to have a chat with her to get her side of the story.

SympathyFatigue · 24/04/2021 00:40

She sounds like someone I know who freeloads and when you say to them... you're freeloading... they claim 'i never asked for it...' or 'i just needed to see the receipt to pay my share... That's why I haven't yet...'

Did you say something along the lines of, 'if you can't afford food thus week we can help' or was it I've made cake do you want some?'

They'll just pretend to have thought people were just making loads of excess food but if you outright asked if they needed help to eat and they said yes then they're a disgrace.

Not much you can do now.

How big were the food shops?

anxietyaunt · 24/04/2021 00:48

Does she have kids, OP? If not, and she’s a single woman only having to look after herself I would be exceptionally annoyed if I were you and your neighbours. How some people do these things without the slightest sense of shame is beyond me.

AutoIncorrect · 24/04/2021 00:58

She must be a fucking donut to admit that outright?

itsalifetimesworkfella · 24/04/2021 01:02

The awkward part is that she didn't outright ask for anything, more we offered cake or an extra portion as I was making lasagne so made her a dish too. Others did the same. When doing shopping we'd ask each other if anyone needed something particular and she'd ask for a few things and I'd leave the bag outside her door and text it was there but not ask for payment and she never offered.

I've been a prize mug here.

Don't want to fall out with any of the neighbours or start bad feelings when we've all got on so well.

OP posts:
itsalifetimesworkfella · 24/04/2021 01:04

@AutoIncorrect

She must be a fucking donut to admit that outright?
I don't think she realised at all what she had just admitted to. She was making light of it all.

I'm not sure what she's made of any of it, really.

OP posts:
anxietyaunt · 24/04/2021 01:04

No, I think you’ve been a prize, OP. And she’s been the mug. If you don’t want to make waves just try to let it go. And stop helping. It’s really her loss in the end. You all sound like lovely people and she’s an unfortunate exception.

GrimDamnFanjo · 24/04/2021 01:06

Being charitable, could she be in massive debt?

SympathyFatigue · 24/04/2021 01:12

She sounds like a grabby swine.

Did she not think it might be nice to offer to get other people some shopping if she was going or make extra food?
Or was she shielding?

Maybe leave a cake outside with 'twat' piped into it.

Moonwhite · 24/04/2021 01:17

She probably knew what she was doing. Talking about money worries while she was still on full salary and not paying out for any work associated costs. Slices of cake and lasagna are one thing, but the groceries!

I think you should ask her when she wants to settle up for the shopping bits you've been collecting for her. It would be handy if you still have the receipts.

BlueDahlia69 · 24/04/2021 01:17

she's cheeky as ......

Embracingthechaos · 24/04/2021 01:22

Don't say anything. Everyone will have thought what you thought, so you don't need to say it. Just learn from it.

And yes, to be clear, she is a massive cheeky fucker.

DeRigueurMortis · 24/04/2021 01:23

Well, yes she's taken you all for a ride...

What to do?

Frankly I'd do nothing other than stopping the "freebies" and I don't mean just for now, but in the long term (so rather than "just" food, no taking in parcels and playing nice neighbour).

kittycorner · 24/04/2021 01:29

@itsalifetimesworkfella what you did was lovely and there will be people for whom you will make a massive difference in life. Unfortunately she is a CF and I think covid has brought out a few of them, sadly.

Hold your head high and don't do another thing for her. I wonder what others think in the group? I'd be very tempted to do a collection for the food bank and ask her to contribute, and give her a few home truths about what life has been like for some people/families.

SympathyFatigue · 24/04/2021 01:45

Is she perpetually stupid?
One of these people who manage to just float through life, being inept.

It's a CF one!  Neighbour taking free food.
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