It's a CF one! Neighbour taking free food.

[itsalifetimesworkfella]

I live in a block of flats. 16 in the block. We've really come together during lockdown. Lots of support and checking in on each other. We're quite a mixed bunch. Some families, retired couples, single people etc. Not a well off area but ok.

We started a Whats App group to keep in touch and give practical support. I've worked throughout as has my husband. The teenagers been at school or home schooling. Like most, we've struggled in many ways but not thankfully not financially.

Anyway, one of our neighbours (early 40s and single) said early on she was financially struggling and worried about her job. Not sure she could keep paying her mortgage etc. We rallied around with food parcels, cooking meals and so on. We've basically fed her quite regularly for a year. She's had cooked meals, cakes, shopping done without paying. The lot. We've helped others too but she's really benefitted.

Well, yesterday she was joking about in WA saying how she wasn't looking forward to going back to work as she's so used to not working and getting her full wage for doing nothing. Someone asked if she had been on furlough the whole time, and she has but with her employer making up her wage to full salary.

So basically we've all been feeding her whilst on full salary! And doing nothing!!!

I'm gobsmacked that she has taken so much from everyone. Should I say something? Though not sure what I'd say as technically no one ever outright asked if she was getting paid and she didn't ask directly for stuff but never said no or gave back and she let us all think she had been impacted.

She's a CF, isn't she?

You've encountered a bottomless pit person. Bottomless pit people take and take and take and it is still never enough - nothing fills the void. I always think they must have had a horrendous childhood to end up like that but it's still annoying when you get hoodwinked by their sob stories.
I have got quite good at spotting them. There are usually (although not always) a few indicators:

High level of drama in their life and can't seem to just cope with normal shit life throws at them without having a meltdown/asking for help from everyone. (A good few times a decade this is normal - everyone goes through shit times and leans on their friends. But when its quite often, that's when alarm bells should ring.)
Asking for small favours and just generally leaning on your boundaries in small ways, this is to see if you are likely to help them out/be a pushover who can be relied upon for other, bigger stuff later.
Doesn't seem that bothered about you and your life - empathy bypass.

One mum at my son's school was like this, she was like a child in some ways. Trying to get me to mind her kid all the time, but not offering in return. Weird behaviour and lack of boundaries. Talked as though she was poor but also seemed to have access to weird amounts of money, opened two different shops/businesses while I knew her even though she said she was on benefits. Swirling drama I kind of picked up on. Seemed very insecure in herself. Never asked me about myself or seemed interested in my own life or struggles, it wasn't a balanced connection with give and take. She popped up again TWO YEARS after no contact from her saying her child missed mine and could we sort out a playdate. After two years! I didn't reply.

@Meowchickameowmeow

While it appears that she's a cheeky fucker you all made the decision to give her food and cook for her off your own backs. No one forced you and you all probably did it for the kudos of being charitable to your neighbour.

Agree with this. She should have paid for the shopping though.

I'd have to say something like "I'm really sorry that I've taken so long to let you know what you owe me for the shopping you've been asking me to get. I'll work it out over the weekend and let you know on Monday"!

I'd say something like 'My word! In that case you must be dreading going back to work because you'll have to pay for your own shopping again you greedy tw*t. And add a smiley face or three for ultimate passive-aggression.

That really is a pretty awful thing for her to have done.

Itsalifetime,from what I read, you all offered, she didn't ask. Folk like your neighbour are the reason I really don't get involved with mine. Umpteen times a kindness turns into a p*take and I decided long ago that good fences, make good neighbours. What I would do is put this down to bad experience, however, if she ever really needed help Im afraid it would be a sorry but unable to do from me. Yes, the neighbours could all have a massive row with her. What would that achieve? Ive really seen the true colours of many in this Pandemic, no, I'm not perfect. I think this whole situation has made me even more wary of people than in normal times. The neighbour is a user, just be polite if you see her, but in no way get involved with her.

Depends. Friend got their full wage but rely on commission to top up the wage - commission wasnt included in furlough moneynsonwere down 20k a year.

Ahh OP, they are definitely a CF! I don't know how people can do things like that and not feel guilty!

Agree that it probably isn't worth saying anything but definitely stop the cakes and shopping and stuff!

I wonder if her worry about work was because it was in the arts and things were very up in the air with regards to that over the past year, esp when the government weren't offering any help packages.
That said, when she started getting her furlong money she really should have said that she was ok now and thanks for your help.
I think I would screen shot her message and reply something along the lines of so we didn't need to buy your grocery's for the past year then? I know she didn't ask directly for help but she did imply she needed it by telling you all her worries about finances. I wouldn't leave it as there will be a niggle at the back of your mind with anything she says in the future.

Please don’t add 2 and 2 and get 5.

This seems so unlikely, that there has to be more to it.

I mean, of course I could be wrong, but I hope not. The CF option is just too epic for words.

Just don't do it anymore

It is so kind you did it for her in the first place

I don't know what CF means and I feel so left out

It means cheeky fucker

I think I would simply say that you think everyone believed she was not getting any salary so the generosity of everyone was due to that. And that personally you feel that you've been taken for a ride.

At least that gives her a chance to put things right if this want an attempt to take the piss.

for you for being so kind in the first place.
She is definitely a c.f. And this is absolutely going to come back on her at some stage in her life.
I guess you've all out a stop to the food parcels.

Thats awful! And like you say.. you were offering but SURLEY she should have said something? Explained that she was fine for money.. done the same back, returning things back like sharing a dish too? And when you’ve done her shopping and she’s not paid... no excuse!
You’re not the mug though, youve only tried to help someone who you thought needed it! You’ve tried to be kind xxx

I would literally just pop a message on the WhatsApp group " Oh! We all thought you were struggling financially! Hence all the help....."

Then she can pick the bones out of it.

Yes she is cheeky and grabby at worst and thoughtless and self absorbed at worst. But I dont think you can say anything. She works in the arts. She could have been genuinely worried about her job. She still might be. So I dont think she outright lied. It was shit of her to take and not contribute back, and it was really shit of her to get groceries from others and not reciprocate or offer payment. But if it was done without any caveats then I think she will just say something along the lines of she thought it was ok, as you offered, if you said anything.

It sounds like a nice community there and I wouldnt want to spoil it by falling out with anyone even if they have been acting badly. Stuff like that can cause people to take sides if the other person spins it the right way. I'd either keep silent or say something along the lines of 'oh, I didn't realise youd been on full pay the whole time, lucky you' and leave it as that.

Her brazen nature makes me laugh, she's a CF of the highest order.

"yesterday she was joking about in WA saying how she wasn't looking forward to going back to work as she's so used to not working and getting her full wage for doing nothing."

I think I'd just have to dig back and find the message where she "said early on she was financially struggling and worried about her job. Not sure she could keep paying her mortgage etc." And ask her why she said that, and why she continued to accept so much from other people, when she's been on full salary all this time. She must have known that all those meals/shopping/cakes were because she'd said she was struggling. I'd want her to know she's let everyone know what a freeloader she has been all year.

I'm absolutely gobsmacked by her behaviour.

contemplates making her another free meal
especially for her (not for dc if she has any)
with laxatives - really strong ones

Wow. That is cheeky fuckery. It might be accidental cf, perhaps she is a bit naive and thought "what awesome neighbour, they want to feed me."

I wouldnt take it further though or challenge it. It would be awful to make someone feel alienated or hated in their previously supportive community. Just privately note that she will take a mile if given an inch.

I would a/stop immediately and b/ask for more explanation on a low key tone, just in case in 20 years time if she really needed help I could document why I would say yes or NO.

She's not floaty, she misled you all.

I would stop giving her anything.

I always thought CF meant cocky fucker.

I wonder what will happen when the charity suddenly stops. In my experience CFs get strangely angry when they’re finally told no. I have many experiences with CFs (unfortunately) and vividly recall an ex boss of mine who had become accustomed to me driving her home from work after every shift. She lived a short bus ride away but it seems she liked to be chauffeur driven for free. Kicked up a huge stink when one day I told her I couldn’t that day and made sure I suffered at work as a result. Overheard her calling me selfish to a colleague! That was the end of her free ride.

Oh goodness I would find it SO hard not to something! Other (much nicer) posters have pointed out that it may be that her over time has evaporated, thereby making things harder. Or if she had also done loads for others in the block then that would make a difference I guess. If neither of these scenarios apply, I would reply on WA “Hang on, you said you were struggling but really you have been on full pay? Whilst accepting all this charity?? Well, don’t I feel like a prize mug.....”

CF indeed (C*nt Face )