It's a CF one! Neighbour taking free food.

[itsalifetimesworkfella]

I live in a block of flats. 16 in the block. We've really come together during lockdown. Lots of support and checking in on each other. We're quite a mixed bunch. Some families, retired couples, single people etc. Not a well off area but ok.

We started a Whats App group to keep in touch and give practical support. I've worked throughout as has my husband. The teenagers been at school or home schooling. Like most, we've struggled in many ways but not thankfully not financially.

Anyway, one of our neighbours (early 40s and single) said early on she was financially struggling and worried about her job. Not sure she could keep paying her mortgage etc. We rallied around with food parcels, cooking meals and so on. We've basically fed her quite regularly for a year. She's had cooked meals, cakes, shopping done without paying. The lot. We've helped others too but she's really benefitted.

Well, yesterday she was joking about in WA saying how she wasn't looking forward to going back to work as she's so used to not working and getting her full wage for doing nothing. Someone asked if she had been on furlough the whole time, and she has but with her employer making up her wage to full salary.

So basically we've all been feeding her whilst on full salary! And doing nothing!!!

I'm gobsmacked that she has taken so much from everyone. Should I say something? Though not sure what I'd say as technically no one ever outright asked if she was getting paid and she didn't ask directly for stuff but never said no or gave back and she let us all think she had been impacted.

She's a CF, isn't she?

Omg what is wrong with some people I would give her a piece of my mind if I were you.

You all did a kind and lovely thing. I would stop offering food and inform the others in the group, that she is not in financial difficulties so no longer needs support. I wouldnt fall out with her over this. She was probably unsure at the time if she would still have a job, but realised it was safe after she told you how worried she was. You are a lovely person.

@BreatheAndFocus

I’d say something but not attack her. I’d pretend to assume she’d had a delay in her money and say”Great your wages have now been sorted, CF. I’ve kept a list of what you owe me for the shopping, can you pay me today/tomorrow/this week, please? “

Whether she’s a CF, selfish, a dreamer or whatever, if she’s not pulled up on this she’ll carry on the rest of her life and use more people.

I’d be tempted to send a text along those lines also, for any thing purchased which she specifically asked for.

Can’t believe she’s admitted that knowing how much you have all given her. She either has no self awareness at all or she just doesn’t care.

The awkward part is that she didn't outright ask for anything, more we offered cake or an extra portion as I was making lasagne so made her a dish too. Others did the same. When doing shopping we'd ask each other if anyone needed something particular and she'd ask for a few things and I'd leave the bag outside her door and text it was there but not ask for payment and she never offered.

Sympathies from another mug here. CF neighbour only asked for help once or twice - which led us to think she was really struggling. Made sure they had good parcels etc regularly and transpires they've been getting quite a bit of money whilst not working. A couple didn't say anything but have just stopped communicating with her altogether. The only two who still talk to her now is the one on the fiddle and and the - - totally gullible one-- who's still under the impression she's hard up financially.
Just know that you're a better person for it OP and don't help out again. If any requests just say "sorry I'm not able to this time". They'll soon get the message.

Always difficult with neighbours - say something if she does not live near you or you don't need to encounter her often for the next 10 years!

Yes she’s a CF but I guess she didn’t really ask for the free meals and cakes, she should have paid for her own shopping though.

Maybe send her a message, saying “As you are now back to work maybe you can return the favours by helping someone out less fortunate than you?”. She sounds like a CF but at the end of the day you don’t really know her financial situation, she may be hard up, in debt etc..?

Some people are extremely good at getting other people to do things for them.

Come across two in my life. Both other mothers at school. Managed to get other parents to do pickups and drop offs, and after school snacks and overnight babysitting.

I'd just stop giving to her.

She could be struggling financially even on full pay, she could be worried about her job, arts jobs are going to precarious for a long time.

I think the measure of her would be if she has done anything for any other neighbours during the time. If she was not working and at home all day and not clinically vulnerable did she go out and help anyone else? She could have shopped for someone clinically vulnerable if they'd given the money first.

If not then she probably is just a CF sadly but as you said she never ask and probably thinks you all can afford it. If I were in her situation I'd think of ways to repay the kindnesses even without having money but not everyone obviously is like that.

It's the whole "don't give too much of yourself either materially, financially or emotionally" that mumsnet say. I'm sorry you feel hoodwinked as you're sound a lovely group of people and she has spoilt the good nature you all had.

You have to have a good memory to be liar, I'd call her out on it.

Neighbour or not I don’t think I’d be able to hold my tongue. People not saying anything is how CFs are never held to account.

If she works in the art/theatre she is probably on quite a low wage, so she probably is worried financially in general all the time to be fair. But this doesn't excuse her behaviour as in not even offering to pay for shopping. Has she joined in with the community spirit of your block of flats at all - as in has she helped others in any way? or is she just a taker?

I’d be furious. Working poor or not, she is single, paying only for herself and has taken the piss, either knowingly or unknowingly. I’d be responding to her saying she’s been paid all this time by asking for her to now step up and help others. Everyone will have seen her thoughtless message about being paid all this time.

I do agree with the PP who said some sectors of work that were furloughed on full wage don't necessarily make up for additionals such as commission. If she works in arts then this is quite plausible.

My ex always made at least an additional £600 a month, consistently, for 3 years before lockdown. That was money we'd accounted for in our budget before lockdown. During lockdown we didn't get that money but he did get "full pay", so we were consistently down £600 with no leg to stand on.

I would withdraw additional support unless it's asked for in future but I would let go any negative feelings you might hold, just in case.

Wow. She will have been quids in yet she's taken from others. Not a nice person.

I would not say anything TBH. The problem is she has been a CF yes .However in my experience others may not back you . and you may be seen as the only one to pull her up!

As you quietly withdraw your services, she might actually ask if you have any lasagne - have some excuses ready - oh haven’t made that in a while as kids have gone off it. Don’t let her trap you again.

Has she lost a lot of overtime ? I used to get 20 hours of overtime but haven't had that for a year now and it's really made it hard.

@SympathyFatigue

She sounds like a grabby swine.

Did she not think it might be nice to offer to get other people some shopping if she was going or make extra food?
Or was she shielding?

Maybe leave a cake outside with 'twat' piped into it.

nah, leave an empty cake box outside with 'twat' piped on the inside of the box

While it appears that she's a cheeky fucker you all made the decision to give her food and cook for her off your own backs. No one forced you and you all probably did it for the kudos of being charitable to your neighbour.

She was worried about her job, she hadn't lost her job. You were mugs for doing it in the first place!

What does she do? Maybe she works in a job where her basic salary isn't all she gets, there's bonuses / commissions or overtime too and as she hasn't been able to claim these here actual take home pay has been a lot less for her. Clutching at straws maybe, but a genuine issue for many,

Not offering to pay for groceries is definitely cheeky. Sharing cakes/ extra dinner portions is more of a grey area.

I don’t think there’s anything to be gained by saying anything, just stop offering help.

Some people take.

I have noticed on my local groups it's always the same who jump when free staff is offered, always.

So I stop offering because they are taking the piss.

I since saw a few posts from the same grabbing CF asking for recommendation for lip filler and holidays this summer .

Unless it's someone you really know, be prepare that being generous is probably going to someone who doesn't need it. It's fine, just be aware of it.

Very cheeky indeed, but I wouldn't say anything because you'll still have to see her around around it'll be awkward for you. So, for your own sake, I wouldn't. But please don't help her anymore! Lol

On a lighter note, I have to say, I think you're incredible for helping others like this without a second thought ❤ I think you're a wonderful person! We need more people like you, please don't ever change. X