It's a CF one! Neighbour taking free food.

[itsalifetimesworkfella]

I live in a block of flats. 16 in the block. We've really come together during lockdown. Lots of support and checking in on each other. We're quite a mixed bunch. Some families, retired couples, single people etc. Not a well off area but ok.

We started a Whats App group to keep in touch and give practical support. I've worked throughout as has my husband. The teenagers been at school or home schooling. Like most, we've struggled in many ways but not thankfully not financially.

Anyway, one of our neighbours (early 40s and single) said early on she was financially struggling and worried about her job. Not sure she could keep paying her mortgage etc. We rallied around with food parcels, cooking meals and so on. We've basically fed her quite regularly for a year. She's had cooked meals, cakes, shopping done without paying. The lot. We've helped others too but she's really benefitted.

Well, yesterday she was joking about in WA saying how she wasn't looking forward to going back to work as she's so used to not working and getting her full wage for doing nothing. Someone asked if she had been on furlough the whole time, and she has but with her employer making up her wage to full salary.

So basically we've all been feeding her whilst on full salary! And doing nothing!!!

I'm gobsmacked that she has taken so much from everyone. Should I say something? Though not sure what I'd say as technically no one ever outright asked if she was getting paid and she didn't ask directly for stuff but never said no or gave back and she let us all think she had been impacted.

She's a CF, isn't she?

I would have to say something, or I would stew on it for ages.

Yes she is cheeky. At first, I thought that everyone had generously given food, but she hadn’t actually asked for it, after the initial mention. Ie. Everyone had just got in the habit of helping neighbour.

However, the fact that she asked for food/items on the WhatsApp page, which people supplied, and then she didn’t offer to pay is definitely cf.

I imagine the person who asked about furlough was thinking the same as you. Maybe someone could suggest that she could offer to help others... although I’ll imagine she’’ll say she’s too busy...

Maybe at the beginning she said she was worried about her Job because furlough was a fairly new concept. Nobody knew it would last this long! But to continue to accept handouts this long on a full salary is just shocking.

😱😱 My jaw is gonna be stuck on the floor for a good while after reading this your neighbour is one hell of a cheeky fucker! She's manipulated you all into giving her food and buying her shopping then has the brass neck to brag on whats app that she's been used to full pay whilst not working! She definitely knows whats she's doing cheeky fuckers are well aware of their behaviour but they rely on people being too kind and polite to call them out on it.

OP next time she asks for shopping tell her to get off her lazy fucking arse and get it herself because you're not her food bank anymore! Now you know she's mugging you all off no more doing her favours and when she plays the sympathy card tell her to piss off! I'm fuming on your behalf OP 😡😡

Make sure that you screenshot that WA note.

Then if ever the phrase “sent to Coventry” needed a home, it could find one there.

I like the idea upthread of organising a food bank collection, and asking everyone for donations.
Your neighbor is a mega CF OP

But people still struggle on low wage?? I think people around me would believe me
To have money but in reality I have nothing, you never really know?

I wonder if she was struggling to pay her mortgage despite full pay.

Personally I’d chalk it up to experience. The behaviour says a lot about her. Taking and not giving.

Even if strapped for cash she had lots of time on her hands she could have contributed in a different way

So she said she was “struggling financially” (which she may have been - the “working poor” is not a new concept) and “worried about her job” (which is also completely reasonable - furlough was a new and bizarre concept for many and it’s not unthinkable that she could have been worried about how long it would last, would she have a job still at the end of it, etc). She never actually asked for help. People kindly offered and she accepted. She’s been a bit cheeky to keep accepting when she could have said “no thanks, I’ll be fine”. But I don’t see that she misled anyone. From what you’ve said she never actually said she’d lost her job or wasn’t making any money.

Also I find it hard to believe that neighbors who don’t really know each other well would divulge their financial arrangements with others on a WhatsApp group and that their employer is topping up their furlough payments. But it’s a nice story.

Does she have kids? Wondering if her maintenance stopped because dad lost job?

You all did this in good faith, so she's the mug here while you all are amazing people. What a CF, not even surprised.

I wonder if she does a role which having her basic salary paid will still leave her short as she’s paid via bonuses/commission?

Is she on a crap salary? Is it possible that she relied on help from elsewhere before lockdown that she lost access to because of restrictions?

Work canteen, eating with family, extra work to top up her income?

If you want to ask her about it, I think that's fine - but do it privately.

She sounds a bit of a taker, but then again stuff was offered to her (without too much questioning of her circumstances) and she took advantage of that generosity. Your little community sounds very kind, but now that the situation feels problematic, maybe (at least) stop doing the free food shops.

Has she ever done anything for anyone else in your block? Has she used any of her free time to help any of the other residents?

You guys have been wonderful and now have a lovely community. She's the one who will miss out now because you will all be wary with her.

Just wanted to say that you and your neighbour group sound awesome, you're all very lucky to live with such caring, generous and selfless people.

I’d like to think there is a possibility that her full wage still leaves her struggling or she hasn’t been getting tips she’d normally get. But no she’s just an arse isn’t she

Maybe she does have other financial issues but they’re not covid related and she’s let you assume she can’t work or has lost her job. She’s not acted with much integrity; I would be inclined to say something

This does sound like very CF behaviour.

I’d be very wary of offering her help in the future.

But you and the rest of your neighbours all sound lovely and kind.

Just playing devil’s advocate - there are a fair few jobs in sectors that have been badly affected by Covid where someone‘s base salary is only a proportion of what they would normally take home.

Commission in retail, tips in catering/hospitality, royalties for creatives - my partner lost about a third of actual income despite having been on full furlough, as furlough only covers the salary part.

The extra portions etc - I would almost chalk this up to her not realising that everyone was maybe doing that. I’ve had neighbours who have baked cakes and offered me extras.

The free shopping though - bloody hell.

If have to say something now, if you leave it too late it would be awkward to being it back up again. Something along the lines of...

"Oh so you've been receiving full pay this whole time? May I ask why you've been allowing us all to pay for things for you for a year then? You lead us to believe you were really struggling and now I feel taken advantage of. All that stuff could have gone to someone who genuinely needed it, how selfish."

I'd have to say something. She's shot her self in the foot though. If she ever genuinely needs help in the future. She won't get it.

CF is Control Freak isn't it? She's certainly a freeloader, but she wouldn't fit my definition of a Control Freak, no.