It's a CF one! Neighbour taking free food.

[itsalifetimesworkfella]

I live in a block of flats. 16 in the block. We've really come together during lockdown. Lots of support and checking in on each other. We're quite a mixed bunch. Some families, retired couples, single people etc. Not a well off area but ok.

We started a Whats App group to keep in touch and give practical support. I've worked throughout as has my husband. The teenagers been at school or home schooling. Like most, we've struggled in many ways but not thankfully not financially.

Anyway, one of our neighbours (early 40s and single) said early on she was financially struggling and worried about her job. Not sure she could keep paying her mortgage etc. We rallied around with food parcels, cooking meals and so on. We've basically fed her quite regularly for a year. She's had cooked meals, cakes, shopping done without paying. The lot. We've helped others too but she's really benefitted.

Well, yesterday she was joking about in WA saying how she wasn't looking forward to going back to work as she's so used to not working and getting her full wage for doing nothing. Someone asked if she had been on furlough the whole time, and she has but with her employer making up her wage to full salary.

So basically we've all been feeding her whilst on full salary! And doing nothing!!!

I'm gobsmacked that she has taken so much from everyone. Should I say something? Though not sure what I'd say as technically no one ever outright asked if she was getting paid and she didn't ask directly for stuff but never said no or gave back and she let us all think she had been impacted.

She's a CF, isn't she?

@QuadBod

CF is Control Freak isn't it? She's certainly a freeloader, but she wouldn't fit my definition of a Control Freak, no.

It's cheeky fucker

@QuadBod CF is cheeky fucker

[quote Youdontknowwhatyoureonabout]@QuadBod CF is cheeky fucker[/quote]
Really? Well I never knew that.

Food bank collection is a great idea.

Some people just take. My neighbour isn’t short of cash but she was technically eligible for food bank donations last summer when several of the charities were doling them out. She got three a week from different organisations.

Hell yes, I judged her.

I personally wouldn't confront but would stop all the charitable donations and distance myself. You all sound like kind people. I think that's my main take away from your post. Focus on that.

I don't think I could stop myself from saying something to her!
Personally I'd send her a private message, not in the neighbour group, and say something like, "I didn't want to embarrass you by posting this in the neighbour group, but you just mentioned that you have been off work on full pay for a year. Did you not realise that everyone was buying you food and shopping and giving you meals at their own expense as you had told us all previously that you were struggling financially?"
Or I'd say it in person next time I saw her. That's just me though because I can't stand when people take others for a ride and don't get pulled up on it.

Blimey!! What has everyone else in the chat said?? I wouldn't say anything to keep good relations but I'd certainly not be buying her shopping or taking food to her anymore. If you ask if anyone needs anything and she says yes, I'd be asking her for the money before you go to the shops.

[quote Youdontknowwhatyoureonabout]@QuadBod CF is cheeky fucker[/quote]
I always thought it was c*nt face haha

Personally I would very rarely eat food given by someone else, so she may not have wanted the cake etc. The shopping was bloody cheeky. She is a taker. At the beginning, there was a real ‘all in it together’ spirit in lord of communities. There will always be those who take the piss and mske the more generous upset.
I wouldn’t say more about it in the group. I’m a right gossip though so I would have slagged her off to my dh! I would offer nothing more and if she asks, I’d say no and why not.

Has the CF been doing anything for the neighbours? Baking, offering to help with anything?
I hope so!!!

There are free loaders in this world. Just stop giving to her. Maybe she thought you were all giving to each other in the larger group but probably not. Log the info you have about her in the back of your mind for future reference.

@SympathyFatigue

Is she perpetually stupid? One of these people who manage to just float through life, being inept.

Yes. She's very floaty and a bit dream like.

She works in the arts/theatre but I'm not too sure what she actually does.

Now I've slept on it, I'm not going to say anything. I don't think she is malicious just a bit clueless and I get the sense having people help her is normal.

Lesson learnt that I need to be clearer.

She is taking advantage of your good nature. Stop it immediately. What a piss taker. She is the reason schemes like good neighbour helping fails. There is always one that takes the piss. Don't forget that she has been doing all the taking and no giving!

That’s the thing with liars they trip up eventually, you and your neighbours did all that because she said she was worried about paying the mortgage so you assumed she wasn’t getting paid . She’s clearly forgotten what she’s said and doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong .
You are neighbours were very kind it’s a shame someone took advantage. I really hope she isn’t any financial difficulties again because next time she won’t get help .

Did she get the payment right away though? Some people didn't they had to wait and go hungry

Or maybe she had struggled with money prior

I wouldnt say anything about the cooked meals but the shopping I would say something to her privately. She scammed people and it would eat away at me not to say it. People like her rely on people saying nothing. Fuck that.

Is it possible that she WAS struggling at the start, until her furlough money came through?

@greeneyedlulu

Did anyone respond to pull her up on it or is she continuing to get away it?

Do cheeky fuckers make them selves or do we make them by never pulling them up on their shitty behaviour?

I think we make them by being too kind, some people are just takers. My ex husband just took everything I gave for 20 years without ever giving back and then dumped me for someone else. Looking back I was a fool. I should have said no right from the very beginning. But one thing is certain if this woman ever does fall on real hard times you will never help her again. What comes around goes around.

Her being in arts /theatre is a massive drop feed. I am sure she had a scary time at the start. My view has changed now.

She's very floaty and a bit dream like

She must be ! Why else would she think it's okay to chat about her wages without realising the consequences of what she's said .

Either that or she's calculating. The acceptance of food is one thing but letting neighbours buy her shopping is another thing completely.

@Sleepingdogs12

Her being in arts /theatre is a massive drop feed. I am sure she had a scary time at the start. My view has changed now.

You can understand at the start she most likely was concerned....but not to say anything for the past year is ridiculous and being a total CF.

Being kind, she may have been worried about redundancy. No one knew how long this would go on for and constant headlines about the economy struggling. I know people that would be worried about how they would pay their mortgage if their company collapsed during covid. She may also have had extra income from tips/bonuses/commissions.

What I suspect has happened is she had a down day, worrying a lot about the future, and mentioned it at a low point. In her shoes, suddenly seeing lots of food turning up, I would find it SO awkward to refuse it and say, 'oh dont worry! I'm on full pay' if I was genuinely worried that next month I could be out of a job. Even more awkward to have said it, then have to say on the WhatsApp group, 'sorry, I know I declined the offer of help but now I need it's...

What she said was tactless though, and she should realise that (tho it doesnt sound like shes going to). If it were me, I would be sending something nice round to the neighbours (wine/flowers/chocolates) with a note that if they need a hand with anything at all to just knock.

I would say something, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. I’d say something like. “Sorry X just to be clear, while we have all been making you food, giving you extra potions, shopping for you without you paying us back all because you told us you were worried about money and paying your mortgage, you have actually been on your full salary all this time, is that correct?”

Then I’d see what she came back with before asking her for money to cover all your shopping.

I would bake her one last cake but lace it with laxative powder 💪🏻

I’d say something but not attack her. I’d pretend to assume she’d had a delay in her money and say”Great your wages have now been sorted, CF. I’ve kept a list of what you owe me for the shopping, can you pay me today/tomorrow/this week, please? “

Whether she’s a CF, selfish, a dreamer or whatever, if she’s not pulled up on this she’ll carry on the rest of her life and use more people.