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AIBU?

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Original poster

It's a CF one! Neighbour taking free food.

170 replies

itsalifetimesworkfella · 24/04/2021 00:03

I live in a block of flats. 16 in the block. We've really come together during lockdown. Lots of support and checking in on each other. We're quite a mixed bunch. Some families, retired couples, single people etc. Not a well off area but ok.

We started a Whats App group to keep in touch and give practical support. I've worked throughout as has my husband. The teenagers been at school or home schooling. Like most, we've struggled in many ways but not thankfully not financially.

Anyway, one of our neighbours (early 40s and single) said early on she was financially struggling and worried about her job. Not sure she could keep paying her mortgage etc. We rallied around with food parcels, cooking meals and so on. We've basically fed her quite regularly for a year. She's had cooked meals, cakes, shopping done without paying. The lot. We've helped others too but she's really benefitted.

Well, yesterday she was joking about in WA saying how she wasn't looking forward to going back to work as she's so used to not working and getting her full wage for doing nothing. Someone asked if she had been on furlough the whole time, and she has but with her employer making up her wage to full salary.

So basically we've all been feeding her whilst on full salary! And doing nothing!!!

I'm gobsmacked that she has taken so much from everyone. Should I say something? Though not sure what I'd say as technically no one ever outright asked if she was getting paid and she didn't ask directly for stuff but never said no or gave back and she let us all think she had been impacted.

She's a CF, isn't she?

OP posts:
IRIELADY · 25/04/2021 17:43

She might have huge debts. What does she do for a living? A lot of jobs pay peanuts. She isn't sharing bills with anyone so if the boiler breaks down that 2.5k with fitting to fork out alone.

Tal45 · 25/04/2021 17:51

I thought CF meant clusterfuck. I would bet she just assumed everyone liked helping her and doing things for her - totally and utterly clueless.

Spoontastic · 25/04/2021 17:51

I think you've all been lovely helping herSmile

But I don't think its fair to judge others when we don't live their lives.

At the start of the covid situation noone knew for certain if they would get furlough, for how long or how much. She may have incurred more costs being at home all day (perhaps supporting family, not getting lunches from work etc, higher bills), on an already low wage (the arts) and is therefore struggling.

Perhaps she is on UC and uses the foodbank, you wouldn't necessarily know.

In a similar vein to - if you give someone money to help, you can't tell if they're going to (in some people's opinion) "waste" it on cigarettes and alcohol.

You offered help, she benefitted. Act of kindness complete Star

If you don't have enough to spare to start with, consider yourself first before offering to help others (I don't often take this advice myself), as there are often people in a better position to be able to help, whether it be financially, time or energy Smile

RollWithThePunches · 25/04/2021 17:59

She’d be off my Christmas Card list and I wouldn’t even acknowledge her in the street. Cheeky bitch.

skodadoda · 25/04/2021 18:00

@greeneyedlulu

With it!!

Edit button please MN

Please, please, please MN 🤨
allthingsred · 25/04/2021 18:01

Complete cf. I can't stand people like this has it puts off people wanting to help.
I had a woman who was receiving 2 food parcels a week from 2 various sources who told me once she doesn't really need them but why say no when they are offered? Since that day I no longer donate to those 2 charities that support her.
I would rather donate to people that need it

Scoobydoobydo · 25/04/2021 18:08

Yes she is a CF
There are plenty of them!
My S-in-L is in her forties. She has never had a job. She has been to the food banks and so have 3 of her adult children.
Her car was so overloaded with food that she was trying to sell it to her neighbours because her fridge, freezer and cupboards were stacked
AngryAngryAngryAngry

Ddot · 25/04/2021 18:28

Just ask her if she is going shopping to get some extra for flat whatever as the family are struggling. See if she helps others because she is a dreadful grabby horror. I'm afraid u will have to hint to others or she will carry on with the deception

StarCat2020 · 25/04/2021 18:29

I honestly think that there are going to be big problems when furlough ends because I still think there will be job losses.

UC is so pathetically low that I don't know how people will manage.

MamboVipi · 25/04/2021 18:34

I personally think anyone who goes on about how it will be hard going back after being furloughed etc esp on a group chat is insensitive. Regardless of the lasagne, cake etc.

Others have been working their arse off in companies covering jobs where there employer decided to furlough staff.

I would not be complaining how hard it is now that I had months off work on full pay in her shoes. I'd be grateful and I'd be relieved I could go back to work.

What would annoy me as well is the time, she had lots of time so what did she contribute to the group effort? You shared food, what did she do?

Lollypop4 · 25/04/2021 18:55

I would have to say something to her, on the group chat, even...
" Oh I still have'nt had that money back for the shopping I bought you, Cash or bacs is fine'

normalsaline · 25/04/2021 18:57

@stackemhigh

She's not floaty, she misled you all.

I would stop giving her anything.

How do you know what she’s like?!
stackemhigh · 25/04/2021 19:00

Because she’s misled people by saying ‘she was financially struggling and worried about her job. Not sure she could keep paying her mortgage etc.’ Hmm

When all this time she’s has a full time wage.

Devlesko · 25/04/2021 19:05

I can't believe out of all these people helping her nobody bothered to ask. That's just as weird tbh.
Just giving your money away without knowing the story, unbelievable really.

Screwcorona · 25/04/2021 19:11

If she said she was struggling to make ends meet and pay mortgage etc it might be that she struggles to do so on full wage.

I'd say 90% of the time we struggle with our full normal income and need to get reduced food or the community kitchens to get by.

Fgs1 · 25/04/2021 19:26

Unpopular opinion but there are a LOT of CF's out there who take, take and take. Volunteering in a food bank was an eye opener, a lot of users aren't genuine needy cases and some just want the free stuff, or get free food so they can spend their benefits on booze. And yes this is what I have seen and heard so I no longer bother volunteering or donating to my local food banks.

Ddot · 25/04/2021 19:42

It's a shame that a few make us jaded about charity.

threatmatrix · 25/04/2021 19:50

These are the same people who are using food banks. CF.

cherish123 · 25/04/2021 19:56

This is ridiculous. She is incredibly cheeky.

Fgs1 · 25/04/2021 19:58

I'd make small talk with people in the food bank.. "after this I'm off down Asda to get a nice bottle of gin and some wine". One elderly man who I thought aww poor old man ended up telling me about his vast inheritance and drove up in a new 4 wheel drive, yet we're supposed to be non judgemental and couldn't question people... not saying there aren't genuine cases, but a lot of people nowadays do treat food banks etc like their normal shop so they can spend their money on luxuries and they don't have to think about budgeting. Some go from food bank to food bank and some even lie about having children etc to get more. It is eye opening.

StarCat2020 · 25/04/2021 20:13

Pre-Covid you had to have a voucher to use the food bank, has that changed?

StarCat2020 · 25/04/2021 20:19

Also, I always though the reason that MN can't have an edit button is because then people would be forever able to rewrite their posts.

It would be a nightmare.

Bertiebiscuit · 25/04/2021 20:28

I think you would be justified in confronting her about this and then not speaking to her again - she's definitely a freeloader - that said I'm really shocked to see so much sexist language from others in this thread - it is Really Not OK to call a woman a "🐄" - I report misogynistic language as well as racist language on Mumsnet

Fgs1 · 25/04/2021 20:30

@StarCat2020

Pre-Covid you had to have a voucher to use the food bank, has that changed?
It depends on the food bank, e.g. some are more informal through churches, community centres etc. The one I volunteered at didn't turn anybody away if possible during Covid and many have a sob story but then aren't struggling any more than most in reality like in the OPs neighbours case. Even some with vouchers were using it for food so they could then spend their money on alcohol etc. Obviously there are those in desperate need, but the CF's are definitely out there in larger numbers than I realised.
sue69m · 25/04/2021 20:43

I would subtly (like a brick) tell her how everyone else struggled to rally round to help her out in her time of need and that I feel she has taken the piss

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