It's a CF one! Neighbour taking free food.

[itsalifetimesworkfella]

I live in a block of flats. 16 in the block. We've really come together during lockdown. Lots of support and checking in on each other. We're quite a mixed bunch. Some families, retired couples, single people etc. Not a well off area but ok.

We started a Whats App group to keep in touch and give practical support. I've worked throughout as has my husband. The teenagers been at school or home schooling. Like most, we've struggled in many ways but not thankfully not financially.

Anyway, one of our neighbours (early 40s and single) said early on she was financially struggling and worried about her job. Not sure she could keep paying her mortgage etc. We rallied around with food parcels, cooking meals and so on. We've basically fed her quite regularly for a year. She's had cooked meals, cakes, shopping done without paying. The lot. We've helped others too but she's really benefitted.

Well, yesterday she was joking about in WA saying how she wasn't looking forward to going back to work as she's so used to not working and getting her full wage for doing nothing. Someone asked if she had been on furlough the whole time, and she has but with her employer making up her wage to full salary.

So basically we've all been feeding her whilst on full salary! And doing nothing!!!

I'm gobsmacked that she has taken so much from everyone. Should I say something? Though not sure what I'd say as technically no one ever outright asked if she was getting paid and she didn't ask directly for stuff but never said no or gave back and she let us all think she had been impacted.

She's a CF, isn't she?

I'd honestly be wondering whether she realised the misunderstanding early on but she didn't feel like she could say no.

I mean once the penny dropped and she had received 3 meals, at what point does she say something and not look like a dick for accepting the first 3?
Did the food just turn up? Or was it offered first and she said yes and then it went round to her?

I've got a half plot allotment so like to leave little parcels for my neighbours. One old lady loves a drop off of rhubarb. I do have one neighbour who proclaimed that he EXPECTED some goodies soon, got nowt.

Given that you all now know, then your group can move forward and focus your help on those who are struggling.
If she complains, ( which she had better not dare do now,) then you can merrily inform her that , as she's not had a cut in wage, that you are focussing on the more needy of your neighbours.

Wow! Just wow..
So her circumstances literally didn't change except being at home all the time!

Unless, she did and was paid for loads of overtime and without the overtime struggled. That's the only thing I can think of really. But if that's not the case she's muggy.

@Fgs1
Thanks for the reply

You say she never asked for anything and never said she was impacted, but accepted a slice of cake or lasagna when offered and the occasional groceries when asked if she needed anything. Could she have thought this was being offered to everyone in the neighborhood, not just to her as a special charity case? Maybe I am being naive or playing devil's advocate? I would discontinue further hand-outs to her but just chalk it up as having done good deeds over the pandemic. If she didn't turn it down or reciprocate maybe there are financial issues you are unaware of. Either way, you all did a good thing and that's what matters. Don't let your perception of whether or not she "deserved" it color your feelings about having done it at all.

What a CF... I'd be fuming. No one likes a freeloader. She'll get her karma sooner or later.

Would it perhaps be worth replying to her message on the WhatsApp group to say something along the lines of “wonderful news that your furlough money came through, that must be a huge relief! Don’t worry about repayment for the food and shopping, could you make a donation to the local food bank instead to help those that are still struggling?” That way if she is struggling without overtime, she can make a small donation, if she’s not struggling now her furlough funding has come through she can make a generous donation, and if she’s a CF, at least she knows you all know, and that there will no more freebies.

TeaAndBiscuitsAndWine Sun 25-Apr-21 23:10:24
Would it perhaps be worth replying to her message on the WhatsApp group to say something along the lines of “wonderful news that your furlough money came through, that must be a huge relief! Don’t worry about repayment for the food and shopping, could you make a donation to the local food bank instead to help those that are still struggling?” That way if she is struggling without overtime, she can make a small donation, if she’s not struggling now her furlough funding has come through she can make a generous donation, and if she’s a CF, at least she knows you all know, and that there will no more freebies.

Your suggestion seems to cover all the bases and allows her to make up for being a cf if she was and to pay it forward if she wasn't. Brilliant. :)

She is a total disgrace.

@DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou

I'd honestly be wondering whether she realised the misunderstanding early on but she didn't feel like she could say no.

I mean once the penny dropped and she had received 3 meals, at what point does she say something and not look like a dick for accepting the first 3?
Did the food just turn up? Or was it offered first and she said yes and then it went round to her?

I agree with the free food offered. However, she never to offer to pay for shopping which she was asked for and delivered to her.

if she didnt ask for anything, then I guess it depends on how much she hinted on being financially worried.
I mean a lot of people have been worried financially, but doesnt mean the neighbours all need to feed them for months

I don’t know what a CF is and whilst I would be infuriated if I was in your situation I don’t know what you have to gain from confronting her. Are you going to ask her to pay for the food she never asked for? Perhaps she took it because she thought it would be rude to refuse?? If you confront her it will destroy all the good will your block has built up during lockdown. Now you have the measure of her just make sure you don’t let her take advantage if you again in the future

Oh come on. She is grown woman able to negotiate a full time job, obtain a mortgage and live on her own - she can't be that bloody airy fairy or naive. Accepting the odd slice of cake or portion of lasagna is okay but seriously, not offering to pay for shopping left on your doorstep total CF.

She'll be the one at work, scoffing all the biscuits and never buying a packet, short arms/long pockets when it comes to collections and always manages to be in the toilet or leave early when it's her round.

I like the idea of "TeaAndBiscuitsandWine* what's app reply to all - suggesting she pays forward with a food Bank donation. She won't but it will let everyone know that has been a CF.

I would say to her you told us you are financially struggling, worried you won't be able to pay your mortgage however you were receiving your full salary all along

I'd be tempted to say something like 'very relieved to hear you did actually get paid throughout, we were all so worried about you when you said you might not be able to pay your mortgage.'

Possibly a bit passive aggressive but it lets her know you are onto her without making it too nasty.

Oh does it matter? Nobody died! You've been kind so you can pay yourselves on the back. No more free food though. That ship has sailed.

Thanks Terrimom 😊

@StarCat2020

Also, I always though the reason that MN can't have an edit button is because then people would be forever able to rewrite their posts.

It would be a nightmare.

There is editing functionality for Premium members.

I think it's time limited though.

What a classic! She sounds like a right lazy tight arse! I’d be very cool with her from now on and tell all the neighbours who also contributed, what she’s done.