Holidays without the kids?

[Strawbfields]

Hey, sorry if I've posted in the wrong topic.

Just wondering why the general consensus is about parents going abroad and leaving kids with grandparents etc? And also, at what age would it be acceptable to leave children at home with grandparents to allow parents a one off holiday abroad?

I don't have children yet. I am just asking the question.

Single parent here. I did not bring any of mine on holiday until they were around 4/5. So would have travelled with 1 child while younger child stayed back, then 2 kids and baby left with grandparent. Now all the kids are older we travel together and it is perfect for us, but we made the plans and travelled as suited at the time.

We managed a couple of weekends away by ourselves when we only had one DC, as my parents were keen to have him. It was great - a chance for us to spend some time together as a couple but not so long that we missed him too much. Now we have more DC we can’t get anyone to take them so looks like we’ll be waiting for our grown up holiday until they’re older and don’t want to come with us!

As PP have said, it massively depends on the temperament of the child(ren) and whether you have someone willing and able to look after them for you. I have friends who have never left their children for a night and friends who’ve been to the Maldives for two weeks while their kids had a ball with grandparents. However I do feel sorry for the child of a work colleague - she and her husband both work full-time but use all their annual leave taking days off to spend alone/as a couple while the child stays at nursery, and going away by themselves (leaving child with grandparents) but never having family holidays with their DC. He is 4 and has been away for a couple of long weekends in his life. I know everyone needs a break from their children but I think it’s selfish not taking your child on holiday when you go away lots without them.

@Whybirdwhy has hit the nail on the head. I can't believe no one else has thought of this! OP's friend booked her holiday first so congrats to her OH, he's bringing the 2yo on his holiday! It's the only fair solution :)

I absolutely agree with other posters saying I would not agree to this holiday, OP. You shouldn't have to pay for a holiday that will through necessity revolve around somebody else's toddler.

Greebo I would love to take my kids to Lindos too when they're older. I went to a wedding there 20 years ago and have fond memories - the castle up on the hill, the little narrow streets and rooftop bars. Love Greece in general, plan to do lots of island hopping in years to come!

We started having nights away around age 4. We have never done longer than 2 nights. Dd is now 12. Part of that is just DD’s personality, if she was an easier kid, we might be able to go away for a bit longer. We don’t bother wasting any of our precious child-free minutes on travel time. We just book a local hotel so we get a mental break from seeing the chores that need to be done at home and go out to so restaurants.

We did both some years we had a family holiday and other years they went to Cornwall with their grandparents. They still talk about those Cornish holidays.

@InTheCludgie

Greebo I would love to take my kids to Lindos too when they're older. I went to a wedding there 20 years ago and have fond memories - the castle up on the hill, the little narrow streets and rooftop bars. Love Greece in general, plan to do lots of island hopping in years to come!

I was living there 20 years ago! Did a season working in a bar.

Love Greece in general. Feel more at home there than anywhere. Including the UK!

We go on a lot of holidays with and without the 3 kids (or did, pre lockdown) . We are lucky in that my MIL is fairly young (65) and happy to have the kids for a long weekend here and there. Kids are aged 6, 10 and 14. For instance my husband and I have been to New York and Marrakesh without the kids. Generally though, if it’s just the two of us we are going on hiking/ climbing weekends in the UK or Spain. Talking once or twice a year. The kids love being with grandma, and also love the presents we bring back for them! We go on holiday with the kids 3 times a year typically with weekends away as well so it’s not like they miss out. In fact in the past we have had a lot of moaning from them along the lines of ‘not another holiday, we want to stay at home!’ so I don’t think they feel hard done by.

It's a great idea when they are under 4 and over 15.

Harder to do in those middle years.

Me leaving them with their dad - about 2, but I breastfed until 18 months, so that was part of it.

A weekend in London while they stayed with my parents (whom they had a strong relationship with) about 3.

Older 2 were 4 and 7 when we had a city break weekend without them.

Youngest was 4 when we went abroad for 8 days, eldest 11. That was 5 days with one set of GP, 3 days with the other.

Ah, your poor friend. What a nob her DP is.

FWIW, in your position, I'd still go. Since my best friend had her son 13 years ago, we've been a threesome. Her husband is still on the scene and a very involved father but he is the breadwinner and works long shifts, so her DS has always been a part of the equation, including when we've gone for weekends away. It wouldn't even occur to me to even consider us going away without him being an option. Now I've had DS and we've become a foursome. It means the world to me that DS is accepted with no questions asked. I'd hate to think of him as a hindrance.

Did it once when dc1 was 2. Never since then as we have a tribe lol. They are all primary. I dont think I could leave them

@Strawbfields the updates change the whole quotation. If I was going away with a friend (who didn’t have kids) no way would I bring mine- you’re right it changes the whole question. I would of course leave my kids with their very loving, very capable dad! (And have done this) one parent going away is fine at any age, her Dp is a twat!!

Sorry changed whole dynamic*

I've never left mine with grandparents. They haven't offered and the kids do not know them well enough/ or they are too frail on other side.

However I have left my still breastfeed 2 year old on several overnight stays with my OH for weddings/ work. Can the OH go and stay with the Grand parents and the child? He needs to sort himself out long term or be divorced I know, but for this weekend.

I would not go on this holiday op. I would not have gone abroad with my own toddlers. It completely changes the dynamic and would not be relaxing or fun!

Couldn't wait !! Left first at 2 months and 2nd at 1 month .. both BF but also on expressed bottles... ''twas absolutely fucking FAB !!!

3 nights in Amsterdam NOT being a mother or responsibility for anyone..

Could not recommend it more.

The stability of a family is based upon the commitment of the mother and father.. so for me .. MARRIAGE was the essential ingredient. I needed my partner to stand up in public and make his declaration to US...

@Frustratedbeyondbelief

Couldn't wait !! Left first at 2 months and 2nd at 1 month .. both BF but also on expressed bottles... ''twas absolutely fucking FAB !!!

3 nights in Amsterdam NOT being a mother or responsibility for anyone..

Could not recommend it more.

The stability of a family is based upon the commitment of the mother and father.. so for me .. MARRIAGE was the essential ingredient. I needed my partner to stand up in public and make his declaration to US...

Not being funny but I cannot understand why someone with your attitude has kids in the first place. Bizarre.

Not being funny but I cannot understand why someone with your attitude has kids in the first place. Bizarre.

What a fucking horrible comment. Have a word with yourself

We've always taken them everywhere with us, even on a romantic trip to Paris (the baby was 6 months). I would hate to go anywhere without them but if everyone is happy, including the children, then do it!

We usually try and get a child free break every year. I think its really important for the relationship to get some time just as a couple and reconnect a bit.
Depends on the grandparents of course and their relationship with the children too

@DelBocaVista

Not being funny but I cannot understand why someone with your attitude has kids in the first place. Bizarre.

What a fucking horrible comment. Have a word with yourself

I don’t need a word with myself, I not desperate to piss off from my newborn.

I've been away for a week, 3 times without kids. The first time my youngest was about 18 months, but I went with my Dsis. DH and IL had the DC.
DH has also been away most years on his own. (Although usually 3-5 days)

Weve only been away a handful of times together, and max of 2 nights (our DC are 11 and nearly 15) mainly because we only have 1 set of GP and they are quite elderly so dont think it's fair to ask for more than 2 nights.

I don’t need a word with myself, I not desperate to piss off from my newborn.

Does it make you feel better to judge other people?

@MrsFin

We left our kids when they were pretty young, less than a year. Only a couple of days when they were that young though.

I think that the older they are when you introduce the idea of them staying with someone while you go away the more of a "thing" it becomes.
If you've been leaving then since before they remember, it's just a natural thing to do.

Same with us. My son had three nights with granny when he was five months old. A good time was had by all.