Holidays without the kids?

[Strawbfields]

Hey, sorry if I've posted in the wrong topic.

Just wondering why the general consensus is about parents going abroad and leaving kids with grandparents etc? And also, at what age would it be acceptable to leave children at home with grandparents to allow parents a one off holiday abroad?

I don't have children yet. I am just asking the question.

What an awful man.

Sorry but I would postpone. There’s absolutely no point going on the break you anticipate with a two year old in tow. What a bastard.

Ours haven’t slept over anywhere yet (still only young) but they will do the odd night at grandparents as they grow up and we have date nights. At the moment (Covid aside) we have been going out for the day/ evening and the grandparents have them and put them to bed at our house, then wait up for us to get home. Usually we would come home at 10/11pm they’d go home. We’re very lucky to have that support and it’s provided a great balance for us. However, we wouldn’t go on holiday without them.

I guess I don't see the difference in me dropping the dc round to the gps for the weekend because the dc want to go & Im just at home to dropping them around because I'm having a weekend break in the Cotswolds.
Like I said I think it's a cultural difference, my gps are perhaps too involved!

We went away for a weekend a couple times when our oldest one was 2-4 years and grandparents/family stayed with her at our house. I wouldn’t do it for longer until they were older. Less to do with dc and more to do with grandparents just not able to manage and especially with 2 of them.

But very different to having time for yourself and your dc being at home with their other parent. Did that from between 9-14 months.

@Ponoka7 I think we’ve gone more insular raising children because of work. When I had my children my parents were both still working full time until eldest was 8. In laws don’t live local so it’s either they go there for a week which is too long so they come to us to look after them. Mine go to my parents for a sleepover fairly regularly now as like you said if they’re looking after them for 2 days why not. I’d be happy now for them to go away with them for a few days but they haven’t asked and I don’t want to suggest it due to cost etc.

On a practical level I worry if anything happened to dh and I whilst we were away they would become orphans.

😂 yes, very practical thinking.

No chance I would be going away on a weekend break with a best friend if they were bring a 2 year old along, like you have allready said the dynamics will be completely different and you will have to go to places that cater for children (not nice restaurants or cocktail bars) child friendly attractions and likely have to call it an early night just because of someone else's children when you could both be staying out late watching a show and having a few drinks, that's not fair on you. It's your holiday, either you both bring children or neither of you do.

@piratepee For me, I’m ok with DC going to grandparents for the night (once they’re a bit older - they’re still toddlers yet) and me being within each reach ie a taxi ride away. I’d be happy once they’re much older (late primary school) to go away in this country for the night too, possibly. I can’t see me ever going abroad and leaving them for multiple days though. Perhaps when they’re teenagers but not as children, not for me.

Do the people who never leave them to go away not allow any sleepovers

Two very different things, the first one is likely with friends so something they would enjoy and actually want to do as it’s a choice. Missing out on a holiday is very different. I’d not want mine to think they weren’t important enough to be included in luxuries like that.

DH and I would be off like a shot if we had the offer of childcare from grandparents for a weekend away! It's pretty pathetic of your friend's OH if he can't manage their 2 year old for a couple of nights though and I wouldn't be happy dragging a 2 year old on a city break as you'll spend most of it in a play area rather than enjoying long lunches, wandering round, shopping etc.
One of my NCT group has a mum who begs to do childcare so she and her husband (pre covid) were always having mini breaks. Was very jealous!

I guess I don't see the difference in me dropping the dc round to the gps for the weekend because the dc want to go & Im just at home to dropping them around because I'm having a weekend break in the Cotswolds.

Exactly! It's how we do it. My Mil has just phoned to see if DS wants to sleep over tonight. That's normal to us 🤷🏼‍♀️

We went for a weekend abroad when dd was about 10. She was used to weekends with DGPs on occasion as they kindly let us get a weekend away in this country about once a year or so.

Unfortunately, we haven't had a chance for some years now for a number of reasons - but if conditions allow, dd will go to a sports camp abroad in the summer and we will drop and collect but have a week to ourselves in that country.

I don't understand why we've gone to thinking raising children is practically one person's job

Well I don’t think its a job. it’s parenting and no I think it’s the job of two people - the parents.

Oh, and dd has always come on week or 2 week holidays with us, and quite a few weekends in hotels too, she's not deprived of fun family time.

All the time our children were growing up we had a month family beach holiday with kids sometimes grandparents joined us for part of holiday. One week back at home to check in on A level results and kids in my tutor group may need help with clearing. Then grandparents took kids for a week and me and DH had romantic couple holiday. Grandparents on my dh side begged to have grandkids at every opportunity they could. My DC adore their grandparents. Grandparents live on coast 15 mins walk from beach. It worked for us.

I’d not want mine to think they weren’t important enough to be included in luxuries like that.

Where as I want DS to understand that sometimes mummy and daddy do things without them and that's okay!! And it will be okay for them do do things independently too.

Well I don’t think its a job. it’s parenting and no I think it’s the job of two people - the parents.

I'm more of the 'it takes a village' mentality.

Two very different things, the first one is likely with friends so something they would enjoy and actually want to do as it’s a choice. Missing out on a holiday is very different. I’d not want mine to think they weren’t important enough to be included in luxuries like that.'

Sorry I meant sleepovers with family in the context of this thread.
As I said mine will stay with gps regardless if I'm at home or a few hours away in a hotel so I don't see the difference.
As someone who's parents did similar I don't think young dc even know what luxuries are or understand the concept of missing out. I loved staying with my gps & so do my dc.

My children think a few days at Grandparents is the Best Thing Ever. Grandad especially is a soft touch on the ice cream, hot chocolate etc front. They go to the beach, park etc. Sometimes their cousin is there too. The roller disco was a great hit.

To them that's better than museums, pub lunches, lounging around the hotel etc.

I’d not want mine to think they weren’t important enough to be included in luxuries like that.

My inlaws are immigrants too & honestly in non covid times when my dc get to go to their house in the South of France for a month with the beautiful grounds & pool & DH & I travel up to Paris for a few days I don't think they are missing out on luxuries!

Well I don’t think its a job. it’s parenting and no I think it’s the job of two people - the parents.

I would say that's a very narrow view, surely you know people from other cultures?

Sorry but obviously children do know what a holiday is if they also go on them with you and I find it very hard to believe even mine at this age would find going to Grandparents (which they do regularly) more exciting than a holiday.

I have left my 6yo with my parents for 3 nights while I had my baby (long labour).
No desire to leave my DC to go on holidays with friends. I don't have the money for multiple holidays a year and what money I do have for fun activities would be something I could include my DC in.

Plenty of time after DC are grown or at least teens for me to be doing my own thing with friends but right now DC are my focus and priority.

Go away with someone else who doesn't have a little one if you want a different kind of hol.

My inlaws are immigrants too & honestly in non covid times when my dc get to go to their house in the South of France for a month with the beautiful grounds & pool & DH & I travel up to Paris for a few days I don't think they are missing out on luxuries!

@piratepee obviously this isn’t what the majority of posters are talkig about though - they’re talking about being abroad in a different country to their DC and also about their DC not getting a trip at all at the same time but instead getti nd a few days at Granny’s house. This is a different scenario - still not something I would personally do but different nonetheless.

I wouldn’t want my children to think they were so important that mum and dad couldn’t enjoy any luxury without them not that the average British two year old really considers a city break in Barcelona to be a luxury.

We left DD with my mum when she was 6 months and went abroad for a week. All was fine. We haven’t done it since instead we just have a couple of nights away a year usually for our birthdays. Pre covid I would go for a city weekend break abroad with my mum every year as well. We are a family and I couldn’t justify the expense of a full week holiday abroad when the kids get left at home it doesn’t seem fair. The last few years our birthday trips have involved the kids, as they get older they aren’t hard work so holidays are a genuine break. I don’t think either is right or wrong though unless you are getting holidays and the kids aren’t, that’s selfish in my opinion.