Holidays without the kids?

[Strawbfields]

Hey, sorry if I've posted in the wrong topic.

Just wondering why the general consensus is about parents going abroad and leaving kids with grandparents etc? And also, at what age would it be acceptable to leave children at home with grandparents to allow parents a one off holiday abroad?

I don't have children yet. I am just asking the question.

As a parent to small children there is absolutely no way I’d pay money and give up my limited free time to go on a city break with someone else’s toddler. I wouldn’t even want to take my own kids on a trip like that.

However if you’re ok with it then go. But it will revolve around the child’s needs

I would definitely leave my kids with grandparents and go away for a long weekend (more than that would be too much in my opinion) if I had the option to. But at moment it’s not possible for us due to distance and covid. I’m hopeful maybe next year. Leaving them with DH for a weekend would be no problem

Have you booked things yet? Perhaps you should wait until her OH has made his arrangements, then book your weekend for a different date. She looks after the child while he's away, then he returns the favour.

If a father isn't capable of managing one child for a weekend, he needs to learn. What if she ever has to go into hospital? And no, it's not reasonable to dump the child on elderly grandparents unless they freely offer and she's sure they're up to it.

I would leave my 18mo with my parents for a few nights, but only if I was going on holiday with her dad. Not so that if I booked a weekend away he could choose to plan one simultaneously and get out of looking after his own child I think your friend is ridiculous to offer the solution of the kid coming with you. Deal with your own useless partner, find another babysitter or gracefully bow out. It is utterly obnoxious to think that someone who’s paying to go to Barcelona after basically two years of no holidays should have to accept a toddler to save you having to stand up to your arsehole boyfriend.

I wouldn’t go OP, she needs to find childcare or cancel the trip. A city break with a 2 year old won’t be fun. Her dad sounds useless.

We’ve always done a couple of nights away, lucky to have in laws who loved having them overnight. DH was also happy for me to go on girls weekends etc. I think my first one was when our twins were 3, he coped just fine. Ok they might have eaten a bit more crap and stayed up too late but who cares, it’s a change for everyone.

You go when you are happy to leave them or when the grandparents offer or you need a break
As long as the grandparents are capable and switched on why not.
I missed out on my weekend break away this year but it's healthy to step away and have time to yourself
It is important to maintain a sense of self and relaxation.
This year I went with one child and it was good except not long enough.

Just do a different sort of break if you’d still like to spend the time together and postpone Barcelona?

I would love to but my mum finds my kids really hard work.

Your actual problem is different to your OP.

I wouldn't go on holiday with a 2yo that wasn't mine, it'll be a completely different thing and a nightmare. We've done (chilled out) city breaks with ours but you can't do lots of cultural things, you have to eat early, you can't stay out will 2am. In your position, I'd be advising your mate to leave her waster partner, then he'll have to do weekends and she'll have no problem getting away for a break.

I can’t see me ever doing it, but I certainly wouldn’t leave a 2 year old.

No way wouldn’t I leave my children for a holiday without them - plenty of time for that when they’re grown up. We have very close grandparents who’d be happy to have them but I’d miss them far too much and wouldn’t enjoy the trip anyway. Holidays are very precious family time.

In your situation however, it’s very different. Can you cancel and reschedule when he’s home to look after the child? To be fair though, I wouldn’t personally go away for two nights and leave my toddler with my husband. Yes he could cope but it wouldn’t be a relaxing weekend for him OR me (if be worried the whole time). I’d wait until they were much older. These are just the kids of sacrifices I chose to make when I had children though.

Two different situations. Her OH is an arsehole. I have left my kids with my partner for work trips from when they were 6/7 months old for a night or two. And same for DH.

With grandparents never. Mine don’t live in the same country. His parents are quite old. But also we don’t like holidaying without the kids. We both work full time so holiday time is precious family time. (Plus in the US we don’t get quite the same kind of leave you guys in the UK/Europe do).

We have never done it, and never will. I couldn’t bear to leave them behind. Holidays are family time. We relax together.
On a practical level I worry if anything happened to dh and I whilst we were away they would become orphans.
We are a very close family, and it’s not something we would ever do.

We are a very close family, and it’s not something we would ever do.

We are an incredibly close family - a city break once a year without your child doesn't change that 🙄

I'd say it's a good thing to do especially when the kids are young. DS loved going for long weekends to the grandparents' house and it's nice when they're young to do something together just the two of you.

Plus if they're really young they won't like all the travelling and new environment anyway.

We are a very close family, and it’s not something we would ever do.

Are you close to your parents/siblings?

Do the people who never leave them to go away not allow any sleepovers?

As grandparents we’ve done 3/4 days with small Gdcs while parents went to a child-free wedding abroad.
But I wouldn’t want to do longer (we are older GPs so it’s more tiring) and I very much doubt that the parents would ask, or even think of it. Holidays are for enjoying themselves together.

Dh and I felt the same. We had lovely family holidays and didn’t go away without dds until they were about 16 and 13, and that was for a wedding abroad.

I think it's each to their own. I remember when we were children, my grandparents would often take us away. They had a caravan and we could go for a week or two at a time during school holidays. I'd see no issue with the parents taking a holiday during that time.

I don't think I could choose to be away from DS for a week but next year, it's DP's 40th and I'd like to take him to New York. DS will be 3 and a city break with lots of walking wouldn't be his thing, so I'll probably ask my mum if she'd have him for a few days. I'll see how I feel on that closer to the time though, because he's almost 2 now and I've still never had a night away from him 😂

We do one holiday with child, one without.

My DH and I went away for a couple of nights building up to 4 nights when the kids were little. They’re now all senior school / uni age and DP and I are going away for a week in October. I feel zero guilt

Your situation is different. Your friend needs to deal with her partner. Bringing a 2 year old on a girls trip because her partner can’t / won’t look after them is a much bigger problem. You are also perfectly reasonable to not want to do a trip with a 2 year old. I didn’t particularly when I even had a 2 year old

Hmm so the original post is nothing like the actual scenario! I said no to that but I've actually been away for a mini break quite a few times leaving the children with DH. Leaving them with a parent is totally different to both parents going on break and leaving them with grandparents.

I can see why you're annoyed but not sure what else she can do, its either cancel the trip or bring the toddler if her father won't accept responsibility.

Do the people who never leave them to go away not allow any sleepovers?

I was wondering this. Time as a couple is really important to us and that includes nights out and breaks away. We call them our decadent nights/trips..... it's a chance for us go out drinking and dancing, take our time in restaurants and have lots of sex. It's great for our marriage and therefore our family as a whole.

It doesn't mean we love DS any less and we still have numerous trips as a family.

Do the people who never leave them to go away not allow any sleepovers?

Ours haven’t slept over anywhere yet (still only young) but they will do the odd night at grandparents as they grow up and we have date nights. At the moment (Covid aside) we have been going out for the day/ evening and the grandparents have them and put them to bed at our house, then wait up for us to get home. Usually we would come home at 10/11pm they’d go home. We’re very lucky to have that support and it’s provided a great balance for us. However, we wouldn’t go on holiday without them.

Mine go for sleepovers although only at Grandparents so far. Not until they were about 2 though as breastfed. Mine have been to Grandparents for 2 nights alone but were unhappy With so long so we’d only do one night now.

I've had my first GC overnight from eight weeks old. She has a medical condition and it's tough going. I don't understand why we've gone to thinking raising children is practically one person's job. Extended families worked. I started having the youngest from just under 2. When my DD has been working solid for a couple of days, I've taken them away on holiday. The youngest is 3 1/2 and can only cope with three days away from her mum. Families with children who need hospital admissions don't have a choice. It doesn't make the family less close.
I used to go on holidays and trips with my Nan, my children did with my Mum, from around three. I think it strengthens ties with the GP. It was the norm when I was growing up.
My DD and her partner have split up. He takes them for two nights on the run. My DD is going away for a week next year for a wedding. The children will stay with me and their dad.
But that's not the point. It's his refusal to look after his child. Given her situation, she's better just sticking to one and even rethinking her relationship.

I don't understand why we've gone to thinking raising children is practically one person's job

My parents are immigrants, I think thats why the idea of not sharing the burden seems alien to me as opposed to the idea it's weird to leave your dc with another family member.