Holidays without the kids?

[Strawbfields]

Hey, sorry if I've posted in the wrong topic.

Just wondering why the general consensus is about parents going abroad and leaving kids with grandparents etc? And also, at what age would it be acceptable to leave children at home with grandparents to allow parents a one off holiday abroad?

I don't have children yet. I am just asking the question.

For me, I’m ok with DC going to grandparents for the night (once they’re a bit older - they’re still toddlers yet) and me being within each reach ie a taxi ride away. I’d be happy once they’re much older (late primary school) to go away in this country for the night too, possibly. I can’t see me ever going abroad and leaving them for multiple days though. Perhaps when they’re teenagers but not as children, not for me.

I think it's fine if not for you but my dc have had involved gps before I gave birth 😆. I don't think I would leave them for more than a few nights as now they are getting a bit older then can appreciate things more.

Sorry but obviously children do know what a holiday is if they also go on them with you and I find it very hard to believe even mine at this age would find going to Grandparents (which they do regularly) more exciting than a holiday.

I genuinely have no memory of missing out on holidays when I was younger & I still had holidays, half of which I don't remember.

I have no judgement, my friend has young involved PIL so they go away a lot without their kids and a lot with their kids (pre Covid) and that’s great for them. I would leave my kids for a wedding abroad but that’s it, if I was going on holiday (for a few days to a sunny place with a pool) I want the kids to come. But a night away is good for the parents every now and then as you have to look after your relationship as well.

We could, as we have a local, very loving grandma who loves having them overnight and would be delighted to have them for longer, and when they were younger we did do a couple of weekends away, though not abroad and never further than a couple of hours drive away.

But now they're older I think I'd feel too guilty! They love a holiday, and I think they'd feel very hurt and left out if we went away without them. Plus in a few years time they probably won't want to come away with us, so I'll just hold on to the thought that in a decade or possibly less we can go back to holidays by the pool instead of in it (all bloomin' day!)

obviously this isn’t what the majority of posters are talkig about though - they’re talking about being abroad in a different country to their DC and also about their DC not getting a trip at all at the same time but instead getti nd a few days at Granny’s house. This is a different scenario - still not something I would personally do but different nonetheless.

No some posters are making the assumption that if parents go away without dc then dc don't go on any holidays & plenty of posters have said they wouldn't leave them to have a break in the same country. I'm just saying that it's doesn't have to be the way.

@Sammiesnake

Sorry but obviously children do know what a holiday is if they also go on them with you and I find it very hard to believe even mine at this age would find going to Grandparents (which they do regularly) more exciting than a holiday.

Depends on the type of holiday and if you have family trips planned too.....

A couple of days in Amsterdam looking around art galleries and museums by day and drinking by night is not going to appeal to my 6 year old.

Well I'm not sure if this really answers the question but since your friend booked her wknd away first time then her OH has responsibility of the child. If he chooses to book a wknd away with his friends then surely he has to take the child with him?

No way would I be going away with someone else's toddler. Your friend needs to be assertive and stand up to her OH or re-think her relationship. And perhaps you refusing this wknd away will help her realise that.

Unless her OH is not the child's father?

A couple of days in Amsterdam looking around art galleries and museums by day and drinking by night is not going to appeal to my 6 year old.

You should be ashamed! My 3 yr old was quite moved by The Night Watch she saw at Rijksmuseum & still reminisces to this day about the brushstrokes.

@DelBocaVista
I think therein lies the difference - we just wouldn’t do a trip like that to Amsterdam drinking whilst we have young children. We’d use the money to plan a holiday we’d all enjoy and take the children too. If we had money for multiple holidays one year, we’d take them on multiple holidays. Plenty of time before / after their childhood to go on those sort of trips. Plus I wouldn’t leave them and go abroad without them. That’s just a difference of opinion.

Plus in a few years time they probably won't want to come away with us, so I'll just hold on to the thought that in a decade or possibly less we can go back to holidays by the pool instead of in it (all bloomin' day!

Don't bet on that, as a teen I loved going away with family (some of my funniest memories) & we still holiday together about once a yr. There's no escape! 😆

A lot of people just don't seem to realise that not everyone has family willing or able to have the dc while you go away. We had to decline a trip with friends and got a lecture on how we should spend time away from the dc. No, we just didn't have anyone to leave them with.

I never want to leave overnight DS who is 5 with anyone. If he wants to do sleepovers in the future then I’ll encourage him as that will be his choice. But equally I don’t judge people who do go on holiday without their kids, it’s all personal choice as the kids are well looked after either way.

In your friend’s case, she doesn’t really have another choice.

@piratepee

A couple of days in Amsterdam looking around art galleries and museums by day and drinking by night is not going to appeal to my 6 year old.

You should be ashamed! My 3 yr old was quite moved by The Night Watch she saw at Rijksmuseum & still reminisces to this day about the brushstrokes.

Haha mind would probably like the museums and galleries but his presence would inhibit our nights out 😂😂

We do - we have holidays with the children every year - but on special occasions we take a break just us.

Next year we have a villa booked in Spain with friends as a lot of us are turning 40. Children will be happy with nanny doing lots of nice things, and she loves having them too (9 & 11)

I feel it’s important to us to have time away from children/work/house

@piratepee

Plus in a few years time they probably won't want to come away with us, so I'll just hold on to the thought that in a decade or possibly less we can go back to holidays by the pool instead of in it (all bloomin' day!

Don't bet on that, as a teen I loved going away with family (some of my funniest memories) & we still holiday together about once a yr. There's no escape! 😆

I'm quite looking forward to the idea of holidaying with them as teenagers, tbh. My mum and I used to go Lindos on Rhodes when I was a teen, and it was a great place for it - very lively but very safe, so teens can explore and socialise independently. I'm really looking forward to taking them there in a few years, once they're old enough to appreciate it!

[quote Sammiesnake]@DelBocaVista
I think therein lies the difference - we just wouldn’t do a trip like that to Amsterdam drinking whilst we have young children. We’d use the money to plan a holiday we’d all enjoy and take the children too. If we had money for multiple holidays one year, we’d take them on multiple holidays. Plenty of time before / after their childhood to go on those sort of trips. Plus I wouldn’t leave them and go abroad without them. That’s just a difference of opinion.[/quote]
And that's your choice.

I didn't feel I needed to stop drinking or having weekends away just because I became a parent. That's my choice. It doesn't mean I love DS any less or that he's missing out on anything. It's just a different way of parenting.

Due to covid and being in an area where lockdown never really lifted, like I imagine is the case with lots of people, DH and I have not had a single minute where we have not been either caring for the kids or working. So you bet I'm handing them over to the loving grandparents the second I can!

I'm quite looking forward to the idea of holidaying with them as teenagers, tbh. My mum and I used to go Lindos on Rhodes when I was a teen, and it was a great place for it - very lively but very safe, so teens can explore and socialise independently. I'm really looking forward to taking them there in a few years, once they're old enough to appreciate it!

I can't wait either, Honestly I have the best memories ☺️

It doesn't mean I love DS any less or that he's missing out on anything.

Absolutely! Everyone is entitled to their opinion but the notion that if you do spend time away from them you love them less or they are missing out is not true.

I've only ever done it for the odd weekend 2 times or 3 Mac for things like child free weddings - my dc are 8 and 11. I wouldn't go on holiday because I am not well off and it would be taking the opportunity of a holiday away from the dc as I couldn't afford to do both. I wouldn't think anything of anyone who did at any age past newborn though. The more important thing is the grandparent relationship I guess not age.

Well we left our two with grandparents when they were 6/18 months, for a week. They were very close to my mum though and saw her most days, she stayed in our house for the week as it was less disruptive. They were fine! If it was with grandparents who lived miles away and they only saw occasionally, that might be different.

Depends on individuals, this varies hugely.

We are about to have our first holiday away without Dd. She's 19y. It should have been last year but covid got in the way. Before this she's wanted to come away with us and we've been more than happy for her to come. She's also coming in holiday with us again later this year, but this year we will also have a two holidays just me and dh.

Dd has had holidays without us - with grandparents and with school, and more recently with friends, from being around 10ish.

Dh and I have had weekends away, just us, but not a holiday.
It just wasn't something we wanted to do. We've enjoyed holidays as a family, the three of us, from her being a baby.

However, we have a couple of friends who have had at least one holiday a year without children, since their child was about 4 or 5. That's their choice.

Only time I'm a little judgemental is if parents go away in holiday together often and don't ever have a family holiday, unless their are send type issues that prevent it.

Assuming a good relationship with the grandparents (obviously) I think it's absolutely fine. My parents did this several times when I was a kid and for me doing to my grandparents WAS a holiday in it's own right. I looked forward to it and they'd take me and my sister out on kid friendly day trips etc. Suited us better than going to Uganda or wherever my parents were!

First time I left my older child with the GPs whilst we went on holiday he was about 2 years old.

Pre pandemic we were lucky enough to manage a couple of holidays a year so would use have a family holiday with the children and an adult holiday too each year. The adult holidays were mostly long weekends but a few times we went for 10 nights.

You’re going to get literally every different type of opinion on this. When/if you have children then you decide at the time and the first posters comment covers most of the variables.

We’ve been away to an international wedding for 5 nights without our then 2 year old, we also went away to Paris for our anniversary for the weekend without them too.

I’d still go away for a few nights without our child as we have amazing family to keep DD with and we all do it for each other and the cousins are all very close (grandparents, aunties and uncles). Saying that, my sister has never left my niece overnight except for work.

I’ve only been able to leave my DD though as I am able to, she is so content and happy with our family, so much so, it’s a case of ‘you can go now mummy’. I may have a second child who isn’t like that.