Holidays without the kids?

[Strawbfields]

Hey, sorry if I've posted in the wrong topic.

Just wondering why the general consensus is about parents going abroad and leaving kids with grandparents etc? And also, at what age would it be acceptable to leave children at home with grandparents to allow parents a one off holiday abroad?

I don't have children yet. I am just asking the question.

For me it was 'as soon as possible' Went to Amsterdam with DH for FOUR yes 4 !! Fabulous days when DD was 3 months.. got my mojo back.. LOTS of sex.. (first time PP) a tiny bit of weed in a cafe .. 'twas fab'

Yes we do a couple of long weekends a year usually but now we have three this may be a thing of the past 🤣.

Her OH is a dick.

It depends on so many factors. We left dc1 at 1 but dc2 at 3. She was too much hard work before then!

We have family who are willing to look after them and also split it. We go for 3 nights max but we have friends who go for longer and lucky them having family willing to do that.

We take our dc abroad at least 4 times a year and also have uk breaks. So I don't feel guilty for having a weekend without them. If we had limited holidays that may well be different.

There's no right or wrong as long as everyone is happy and comfortable with your plans.

I’m a single mother and have a 5 yo, I’ve only left her for 1 night although I went to Paris for a concert, she was 2.
She adores my mum and would probably be ok for maybe 3 nights, I wouldn’t though one night is my limit.
I think the novelty would wear off any longer and she’d be a bit upset, but she is with me all the time aside from school.
If your kids are used to regularly staying with grandparents etc it may be different.

I've told this before but when I was about three my mum and dad were offered the chance to visit my mother's home country for three weeks. My mum was mulling it over with her best friend and saying of course they couldn't go because of the small matter of their five children (I was the youngest). By the end of the day my mum's best friend had arranged for five friends, including herself, to each have one of us for the duration. My parents had the most memorable trip and we were none the worse for it

My best friend and I are going to Barcelona for a city break this year (hopefully!) She is bringing her 2YO as her OH won't look after her.

This is a totally different situation from your original post (kids being looked after by grandparents while the parents go away, presumably together).

If I were you I wouldn't agree to this holiday. 2 year olds are hard work and pretty limiting, and your break will revolve completely around the child. Not just bars and evenings out, but walks, visits to places etc., will be ruled by the needs of the child. Even restaurants with our 2 year olds were not much fun, many kids of that age don't have the patience to sit for long.

I agree about the relationship between everyone. My parents would go away without us & leave us with granny/au pair. I left dc1 when she was almost 2 for 5 days as didn't feel ready. My dc frequently stay with gps for a night or 2 during school holidays etc even if we are not doing something but we all live close.

Mine are 2 & 4 & I’ve not left them with grandparents yet, but I’ve been to Europe for 2 nights when my eldest was about 16 months and again at about 18 months (ahhh, pre COVID weekends away....) left with DH. And left both with him for 2 nights when the youngest was 10 months/ I was no longer breastfeeding - I was only a couple of hours from home though. Her OH sounds like a prick.

I left DS1 when he was 4mo with grandparents and we went to Morocco - he was a collicky nightmare and but of us were stressed and needed a break. It was 4 nights.
We left DS2 when he was 1 for 2 nights and DD was older.

I do work TTO though so feel I have plenty of time with the dc & like I said my dc sleep over with their gps regardless if we were away or not. It's good for their relationship imo.

I couldn't imagine leaving my kids at home while I swan off abroad. They'd be gutted to miss out and I wouldn't be able to settle either.

Honestly I wasn't gutted to miss out on skiing for the first few yrs of my life!

Could you postpone until a later date? Means if your friends OH still goes away that weekend she could then say to him that it's now her turn for child free time. Or is he the type of bellend who would just book another trip away at the same time?

DH and I did a day trip into Amsterdam when DS was 3 (we were staying an hour away at a campsite) and it was stressful - quick dash round the Van Gogh museum, Anne Frank House didn't happen as queue too long and lunch was McDonald's as DS was incapable of sitting still for too long.

What on earth does your friend think you're all going to do on this holiday? Get up at half six, go to the playground, no funny foreign food, back home for naptime, in bed at 7pm sharp? Not much of a grown up city break.

I'd consider rescheduling dates if she could arrange it with her OH but it sounds unlikely. I wouldn't leave my 2yo with grandparents in that scenario, so I suppose your friend will just have to cancel and regret ever procreating with such a waste of space. Sorry, OP :( What you mustn't do is go along with it and either be stuck living on a 2yo's schedule or end up babysitting the toddler so mum can go out!

We went on first long weekend away without child when DD was just over 1 year. We've been away most years on our anniversary, with longest one being 4 or 5 nights on our 10 anniversary when kids were 9 and 6. We have both sets of parents nearby so they can split longer runs.

It depends on a lot really, like parents' health, how demanding kids are.

It's pathetic that your mate's OH won't look after a child that I presume is his just for a couple of nights, though.

I see you say he's 'booking the same weekend with his friends'. Well his partner arranged it first, he can go any other of the 52 weekends of the sodding year!

Dh and I went away when dd was 2.5, long weekend in NYC. He won a work incentive and we wouldn't get the opportunity again. Best thing we ever did, we'd had a tough few years and on that trip we remembered why we liked each other, laughed for the first time in a long time. After that we went away without the kids once a year, just for a night, felt it was really important to look after our marriage.

Now the kids are older we're under less pressure and enjoy family holidays more. We do a long weekend away with friends individually while the other has the kids.

I think your mates OH is selfish, but I doubt you'll be able to do anything about it.

Before I had kids I was very judgey.
Now?
If you have people you can leave them with then go!!

I’m in the firm no camp. I worry so I’d worry about what if they were ill and there’s no one with parental responsibility to consent to treatment (non emergency of course). Also there’s no where I want to go without them, everywhere I want to go and see I know they’d love too so I want to take them. I’d miss them too much. Having said that I’d happily leave them with DH for up to 5 nights for a girls weekend abroad but I’d be happy because they’re with DH and he is their parent.

She needs to say no to the father. She is going away and he will be looking after the child.

And your initial question has nothing at all to do with the actual situation.

This is about a father being useless

I remember thinking I might do this before I had children. Haha

January 2020 the kids were 2 and 4 and me and DH went to New York for 3 nights, 4 days. Was fine but I did feel uneasy about it!

10 year anniversary next year so we were discussing this today. Kids will be 7 and 4. So a lot easier to look after.

@twiggytwoo

Depends on the parents, the children, the grandparents, the relationship between grandparents and children...

This.

Personally our kids have a great relationship with their grandparents and I trust them to care for our kids but ours kids would struggle with more than 2 nights away from us (age 2&5) so we only do weekends away at the moment.

No way. I would want my child with me.