Page 2 | Holidays without the kids?

Strawbfields · 2021-04-23T17:14:21+00:00

Hey, sorry if I've posted in the wrong topic. Just wondering why the general consensus is about parents going abroad and leaving kids with grandparents etc? And also, at what age would it be acceptable to leave children at home with grandparents to allow parents a one off holiday abroad? * I don't have children yet. I am just asking the question*.

AIMD · 23/04/2021 19:18

@Strawbfields

Thanks for all the replies ladies.

As I said, I don't have children but most of our close friend group do. My best friend and I are going to Barcelona for a city break this year (hopefully!) She is bringing her 2YO as her OH won't look after her. I don't mind at all and am just looking forward to spending time together but I would be lying if I was to say I wasn't just a little bit disappointed. It's for selfish reasons really, I was looking forward to enjoying cocktails in the evening and going on a little bar crawl but obviously the whole dynamic of the trip has now changed.

The OH won’t look after her? Presumably the OH is the child’s dad?

I wouldn’t want to do a city break with a 2 year old personally. It just wouldn’t be fun for me. I’d rather leave that for another time.

Anoisagusaris · 23/04/2021 19:18

You asked about leaving them with grandparents not their parent!

Dishwashersaurous · 23/04/2021 19:19

Entirely depends on the wider family set up,. I know very few people who have family members willing to have children overnight and thus not an option.

The only people who do it regularly are those with a full time live in nanny who looks after the children

MrsPinkCock · 23/04/2021 19:19

We did this every year (to adult friendly rather than family friendly destinations) until the DC were old enough to probably appreciate the same kind of holiday (teens). We also did a family holiday once a year and the week we were away they went on holiday with grandparents.

It’s brilliant and I’ve never regretted a minute of it, but they love their grandparents more than they love us so it works out well for everyone.

AnneElliott · 23/04/2021 19:21

I think it's fine to go away with your friend and for her to leave her child with her partner.

Different I think for Grandparents. We've only done it once for a weekend for our 10th wedding anniversary. I wouldn't do a week - even now DS is a teenager!

bootlebum · 23/04/2021 19:22

I don't judge anyone who does but I wouldn't do this. I don't want my DC to feel abandoned. Mind you he might be delighted if we did when he's a teenager.

Dishwashersaurous · 23/04/2021 19:22

sorry. Just seen that she won't leave the child with the parent!

That's an entirely different question.

A year or so when not breastfeeding.

I think that you need to tell her how you feel. A 2 year old on a city break could be a complete nightmare. You won't be able to go out in the evenings etc or do galleries etc

ineedaholidayandwine · 23/04/2021 19:23

Personally wouldn't, i love having my daughter on holiday and she loves to travel. Would miss her too much too.
I don't judge anyone who chooses to go away and leave their children with grandparents, each to their own.

Hdiebfhs · 23/04/2021 19:24

From about the age of 6 my DS used to go abroad for a month a year with their grandparents.

My parents were mid 40's so young and fit.

optimistic40 · 23/04/2021 19:25

I've taken a few days without the kids (when they were with their dad anyway) and it was great.

I think as long as everyone is happy, it's fine.

on12145 · 23/04/2021 19:25

I must admit I find it a little weird all the responses saying that people can't imagine going on holiday without their children and it being a complete no-go for them....how did you holiday BEFORE you had children?

I've always travelled extensively pre-kids across different groups Eg trips with my husband, trips with the girls, mixed gender trips with our wider friendship groups.
I personally couldn't imagine that part of me just 'switching off' when my daughter was born and no longer desiring to have those types of trips but granted maybe I'm an anomaly.

To answer OPs original question we left our daughter with my parents at 11months old to go to the Philippines & Bali for 10 days for a friend's wedding. My mum has been there from day 1 so they have an extremely close relationship and have been doing overnights at her house well before then.

When she 12 months I also went to New York for 4 days on a girls trip just before the end of mat leave and she stayed with my husband.

For the most part if it's not a long haul trip where both me and my husband have to go (Eg mutual friends trip or wedding) then we tend to go away individually with friends and the other stays with our daughter so not relying on any outside childcare.

Once a year we then have a family holiday and then once a year we'll have a couples trip where my parents will watch her for the duration.

BuyYourOwnBBQGlenda · 23/04/2021 19:26

That's a bit nuts. Her partner won't look after his own child for a couple of nights? Wow!

AmyLou100 · 23/04/2021 19:27

For us, it was a no. A holiday is family time here so we all go. I can’t imagine leaving them behind nor putting that responsibility onto others whilst we go for a jolly. Plenty of time before and after children to travel alone.

This is us as well. We have had plenty of time to travel, I couldn't Imagine doing that without our dc.

PerspicaciousGreen · 23/04/2021 19:27

Based on the OP: I'd bloody love it if DH and I could park the children with grandparents and go on a long weekend together! If it were possible, I 100% would with no guilt! Unfortunately my parents aren't keen on looking after their grandchildren and DH's wouldn't be able to. My children are too young at the moment anyway, because I wouldn't do it unless I had completely confirmed with the children that they were fine with it (and I thought they really understood what I was asking). 2yo would definitely be too young for me to leave with grandparents.

But based on your update: she's bringing her toddler on an adult holiday because the toddler's dad can't be arsed to look after her for a few days? That's a bit pathetic. My DH managed our 2yo for two weeks when I had to go on a work trip, and he'll be having 3yo and 1yo by himself when I go on an overnight conference later this year. He'll be having his own week away at some point, so it'll even up. Wouldn't think twice about leaving my children with their own father!!!

ParkheadParadise · 23/04/2021 19:28

I've left dd with my siblings and my inlaws to go on holiday.
We have been abroad for 10 days and also away for the weekend.
Dd loves to stay with members of the family. She has regularly stayed over from 3 weeks old.

on12145 · 23/04/2021 19:29

@Strawbfields

Thanks for all the replies ladies.

As I said, I don't have children but most of our close friend group do. My best friend and I are going to Barcelona for a city break this year (hopefully!) She is bringing her 2YO as her OH won't look after her. I don't mind at all and am just looking forward to spending time together but I would be lying if I was to say I wasn't just a little bit disappointed. It's for selfish reasons really, I was looking forward to enjoying cocktails in the evening and going on a little bar crawl but obviously the whole dynamic of the trip has now changed.

This is something I wouldn't do personally. Especially at 2 her husband should be more than capable of looking after their child by himself. I think it would maybe be a little more understable if you had a child too and you were both bringing them but given its just hers and its a toddler not a small baby it'll definitely change th2 dynamic of the 'girls trip'

BackforGood · 23/04/2021 19:35

My best friend and I are going to Barcelona for a city break this year (hopefully!) She is bringing her 2YO as her OH won't look after her. I don't mind at all and am just looking forward to spending time together but I would be lying if I was to say I wasn't just a little bit disappointed.

That is a completely different question from the one in your OP.

a 'holiday' for me, implies a week +, whereas a 'CityBreak' suggests 2 or 3 nights
this scnario isn't about leaving a child with grandparents. One of the child's parents isn't going, so clearly they need to take responsibility for their child (unless mitigating circumstances you've not told us about).

However, there is no way I'd be going on a City Break with a friend if they insisted on bringing a 2 yr old with them. That is a COMPLETELY different trip. Do you really still want to go ? You are under no obligation to go on this break now she has completely changed what was planned.

Original poster

Strawbfields · 23/04/2021 19:36

My friends OH is a bit of a waster but that's not for me to figure out. He was supposed to look after DD for 2 nights to allow us the weekend however he is now saying he is going to be booking a weekend with his friends for the same dates so we're stuffed.

My friend wasn't keen on leaving DD with her in laws as they are much older (pushing 80), live 2 hours away and don't keep well. Her parents aren't around and she's an only child so taking DD on the trip is really her only option.

OP posts:

JustTimeForOneMoreThing · 23/04/2021 19:36

As I said, I don't have children but most of our close friend group do. My best friend and I are going to Barcelona for a city break this year (hopefully!) She is bringing her 2YO as her OH won't look after her. I don't mind at all and am just looking forward to spending time together but I would be lying if I was to say I wasn't just a little bit disappointed. It's for selfish reasons really, I was looking forward to enjoying cocktails in the evening and going on a little bar crawl but obviously the whole dynamic of the trip has now changed.

Hmm. I have a 2 year old and would hate to go away without him. I also think neither DH nor I would be very happy looking after him alone for several days. He's very demanding and we like to give each other breaks throughout the day.

So I'm not quite sure what your question is, but I think it would be unreasonable to expect your friend to leave her child at home. You can do an adult only trip, but then you'd have to expect that she might not come.

user1493413286 · 23/04/2021 19:38

Her OH is putting you in a crap position; I don’t blame her for not wanting to leave her 2 year old with elderly parents but her OH doing that to her isn’t ok.

whiteroseredrose · 23/04/2021 19:39

My DM looked after my DC for two days a week when I went back to work for a while and had a duplicate cot, highchair etc. So DC were comfortable there.

DH and I went on two work reward trips and left DC with my mum when they were between 2 and 5. No problem because it was their second home.

As they got older we had the occasional walking weekend away - we invited DC but they always chose to stay with my DM 😂.

Gobbeldegook · 23/04/2021 19:39

I couldn't imagine leaving my kids at home while I swan off abroad. They'd be gutted to miss out and I wouldn't be able to settle either.

user1493413286 · 23/04/2021 19:40

I didn’t have an issue leaving DD with her dad for a couple of night from a year old although obviously I missed her. I left her with my sister for 2 nuggets when she was about 15 months but I was only an hour away and totally confident about her having her. It’s harder when you’re in a different country

DelBocaVista · 23/04/2021 19:45

Plenty of time before and after children to travel alone.

That's a huge assumption! It doesn't work like that for everyone.

Kindlynow · 23/04/2021 19:49

We went when our little boy was 5 months old! Left him with grandparents for 4 nights and he was fine! We then took him to Estonia with us 1 month later so he didn't miss out!