AIBU to think turning up to parties with your own food in Tupperware is rude?

[LadyWhistledownsQuill]

No dietary requirements - we have checked.

They've been doing this for years (we see them every year or two) - so it's not COVID related, though they're currently very anxious about COVID.

They know full well that absolutely everything is being bought in (they've seen the order form) and served on paper plates this time, so their previous excuse of "saving us the bother" has evaporated. Hygiene is also not a logical concern for that reason.

Instead they'll be turning up to a family event with all their food in Tupperware, and no reason has been offered.

AIBU to think it's rude to reject your host's catering? I just don't get what they're playing at.

I agree it is strange, but they are ensuring their own needs (whatever they may be!) are met without inconveniencing the hosts. Perhaps if they didn’t bring their own stuff to eat they would not feel able to attend the gatherings at all. I would just try to put it out of your mind. They will have their own reasons for not explaining themselves.

If you enjoy their company then it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things does it? YABU

I'm amazed your conclusion is that they must have an eating disorder, must be on the spectrum, must have something wrong with them, must be rude etc..

Why can't it be as simple as, it's normal at many family gatherings to bring drink and food? For most of our events we do cater and people bring other dishes that are culturally different or homemade so they can share if they want, or buffet style foods like bread, pate, cheeseboards etc because it's a nice thing to do. I can't see why it would be offensive, it's good manners to bring a gift/something with you for the host/party?

There’s bringing a contribution, and there’s four adults eating their own stuff out of Tupperware boxes.

I don’t think it’s necessarily rude if OP is forewarned (so doesn’t cater for people who are not going to partake) but it is odd. Four adults all with issues?

Do the “mind your own business” posters think it is acceptable not to tell a host in advance? Otherwise you are putting someone to expense and trouble when you are intending not to eat their food.

Ask. If they are elusive do not take it personally, they came, they want to be friends, some people are alone these days. I recall someone who always brought a tupperware, it took me some years to realise that they were eating exactly the same food, every. single. time. Rain or shine. They had severe allergy. Not everybody wants to volunteer their medical history when it's time for fun and mingling.

Also for some, it's absolutely a nono to come empty handed. It's a matter of course that you have to bring something. It's the upbringing.

Well its unusual but who does it actually harm? And no you have no right to know why or to judge.

If they only did it at your house id be offended if they did it everywhere I’d just sigh and think they were odd, but would accept it.

@hibeat

Ask. If they are elusive do not take it personally, they came, they want to be friends, some people are alone these days. I recall someone who always brought a tupperware, it took me some years to realise that they were eating exactly the same food, every. single. time. Rain or shine. They had severe allergy. Not everybody wants to volunteer their medical history when it's time for fun and mingling.

The OP stated - 'The food is essentially cold picnic food - hummus, salads, cheeseboard, charcuterie, bread, olives and so on. All store bought, so it's not even like we're preparing it.'

They aren't eating out of tupperware, they are bringing store bought items for the party. Perfectly normal, I can guarantee none of the other guests will care if the bufffet food was the OPs or the guests, the only one thinking too much into it is the OP.

It's hardly catering for a wedding and a guest not turning up and losing the cost of the food plus seat cost etc is it? You'll have leftovers at any party if you have done it right. Unless I am mistaken and it's a catered five course dinner party?

The might have sensory issues which are more difficult to explain than allergies.

Are you sure they don't have any dietary needs? Especially if you are buying pre cooked food, maybe it's difficult for them to make sure something they can't eat isn't in it? Or some medical issues that they need to monitor salt/sugar in the food, etc?

Maybe they feel they don’t want to put the host to any trouble especially if they’re disabled. Do they invite you to their home. If they don’t they may feel embarrassed at not being able to reciprocate.

My dad would not eat margarine only butter and he would sneakily check and I’ve seen him surreptitiously putting sandwiches in his pocket after discovering they had marg on 🙄

Four adult members of one household all have the same issues forcing them to bring their own food in Tupperware?

My ex mil used to do this

She was a recovering anorexic
Also has OCD

I let it go

I have a grimy friend. To be honest even with bought in food like a curry ,she’ll end up licking her fingers as she serves it out puts sane fingers over your plate. I know she doesn’t wash her hands after using the loo either. You only have to notice it once.

YABU.

I typically hate other peoples food - especially food from a catering company - literally makes me shudder. I'm really fussy about what I'll eat and like to know the quality of it, where it was bought from and when, the brands used...even the amount of butter on sandwiches etc.

They probably just don't like the food you serve, simple as that.

is it a buffet?
i dont think that is covid safe?

The OP stated - 'The food is essentially cold picnic food - hummus, salads, cheeseboard, charcuterie, bread, olives and so on. All store bought, so it's not even like we're preparing it.'

They aren't eating out of tupperware, they are bringing store bought items for the party. Perfectly normal, I can guarantee none of the other guests will care if the bufffet food was the OPs or the guests, the only one thinking too much into it is the OP.

No, the OP is providing store bought stuff and the guests are bringing their own food in tupperware; they are not bringing stuff to add to the buffet.

Do those people who keep going on about eating disorders, allergies etc. really think this would apply to all four adults?

In order not to be rude they need to be upfront about what the issue is. If it was me I'd probably ask them .... on the pretext of catering for them better.

@MiddlesexGirl

In order not to be rude they need to be upfront about what the issue is. If it was me I'd probably ask them .... on the pretext of catering for them better.

Why should they have to be upfront about their private health issues in order to "not be rude"?

Why can't you just enjoy their company without needing to know all the details?

Yabu
I have never enjoyed shared food. I’m vegetarian and worry about the cross contamination aspect. I can never be sure that the meat eaters don’t eat the veggie’s food. I also avoid to much dairy/cheese and like to know the provenance.
As I am older, I also have some food sensitivities which I’m still unsure as to the triggers are so I wouldn’t want to share with a host (who may judge that I’m basically a fussy bugger).
I would rather eat before/after I go to a do like this or bring my own food.
It’s no skin off your nose...
Also to add, many people have intolerances/ may be on the spectrum and are undiagnosed or suspected/diagnosed in later life. Please be more tolerant and understanding of others needs.
If your guests can relax and enjoy the food they have brought with them, they can better enjoy the day and your company

Do those people who keep going on about eating disorders, allergies etc. really think this would apply to all four adults?

If they're from the same family, it's actually incredibly likely.

For example, if you're raised in a family where both parents have disordered eating habits, you're going to eat in the same way because that's how you've been raised.

Allergies also run in families, so it's very likely that multiple people in the same family are all allergic to the same item. Or it could be that different people have different allergies, and all their food at home caters to all the allergies in the family, so to be safe, that's what they choose to eat all the time.

I was raised in a family where one parent had disordered eating - I never saw it as unusual until I left home and started buying all my own food and cooking for myself.

Lots of posters on here are very quick to call people "rude" but those same posters don't show any willingness to understand how complex eating can be for some people. If they don't disclose their medical history, they're just considered "rude" or "ill mannered".

I had to do it whenever I went to one of my NCT friend’s house for lunch. She slathered everything in Mayo

• which is the only feels I can’t stand (it just tastes like someone has spat in the food to me). After 3 occasions even with a reminder where I didn’t have anything to eat, I just took my own.

Have you thought they may have OCD? By making them feel bad for how they are will force them into isolation away from people. Don’t worry yourself about what others do. If you asked them once and they explained once; why do you keep asking them? It sounds like you’re forcing your way on them. 😔

But, as many posters have said, FOUR adults with issues? My dn has food issues. No problem. But if bil, sil and their other dcs all joined in with the Tupperware thing I’d think it was a bit off.