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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect a teacher (primary) to know my DC DOB and congratulate on the day?

665 replies

LardiLaLardiLi · 22/04/2021 21:19

My DS had a birthday today and his teacher hasn't said anything. I'm not sure if it's a done thing to congratulate kids in class on their birthday, though. It was when I was in school (different country). He said the school didn't know it was his BD today (he was there since nursery) and he said it didn't bother him, but he's quite shy and difficult to read, so I think he was hurt but wouldn't admit it.
WIBU to expect a teacher to say "Happy Birthday"? And would you drop a line to the teacher to remind them?

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 25/04/2021 08:11

@MsTSwift

Well the world has gone officially mad. If those in charge of young children are “too busy” to mark their birthdays and you can’t put birthdays on the wall due to legislation 🙄🙄 well I give up. What a sad state of affairs!

No I dont feel sorry for teachers why would I? I feel sorry for the children having to spend their childhood in joyless places where you don’t even have your birthday noted by the adults in charge when you are 6! Somethings been lost here.

Biscuit
MsTSwift · 25/04/2021 08:15

Gdpr
Some people have August birthdays
We are too busy 🙄
Poor teachers etc etc

All “reasons” given not to even mark in a minor way a small child’s birthday? You seriously think this is right?! Step back- honestly it’s all very sad. What’s going on in our schools? Cue aggressive teachers coming after me!

MsTSwift · 25/04/2021 08:17

Oh and my mother was a primary school teacher

luckylavender · 25/04/2021 08:19

You're being precious.

MsTSwift · 25/04/2021 08:23

Common sense and basic humanity has been lost somewhere along the way. Gdpr 🙄🙄 heard it all now!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 25/04/2021 08:24

@MsTSwift

Oh and my mother was a primary school teacher
When? Between which years was she a primary school teacher?

I work with teachers who’ve been doing the job for 20+ years and they say how different it is now and the demands are much more intense.

wendz86 · 25/04/2021 08:30

Mine always wear a massive badge so everyone knows. They used to be allowed to take sweets in but they banned that a couple of years ago. I wouldn't expect a teacher to remember /check every birthday.

Italiandreams · 25/04/2021 08:36

With my parent head on I wouldn’t expect teachers to remember birthdays either, I want to feel the teacher knows my child of course, but knowing their birthday actually is not how this is really done. It’s the everyday things that actually make a difference. Celebrating when they have managed to do something they found difficult, being understanding when they might be sad about something. That’s what actually makes a difference.

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 25/04/2021 08:38

What’s going on in our schools? Cue aggressive teachers coming after me!

A huge cut in funding leading to less/no support for students with SEND and MH issues meaning that teachers are dealing with those too.
Unrealistic expectations from parents.
Unrealistic targets from the government re pupil progress.
Plus hundreds of other issues that mean the culture of school has changed dramatically over the last few years.

Anitarest · 25/04/2021 08:46

@MsTSwift

Common sense and basic humanity has been lost somewhere along the way. Gdpr 🙄🙄 heard it all now!
You’re right, common sense and basic humanity has been lost somewhere along the way . . . in your posts, not in the classroom. Oh and one part of GDPR is confidentiality. Not displaying data about children is part of that. Gone are the days of painted pictures of trains with 12 carriages or 12 hot air balloons or 12 flowers etc. displaying and the month and the children’s own named pictures of themselves placed in the appropriate carriage. Still, if a child says it’s their birthday, we say Happy Birthday. If they say it’s their birthday at the weekend, we do likewise, since singing is still discouraged indoors. If they say nothing, we don’t. Mind you, the only children who’ve never reminded me it’s their birthday are the JW I’ve taught.
fairyannie · 25/04/2021 08:47

@MrsBadcrumble123

The teacher is there to teach your kid not worry about birthdays fgs
I never worried about the birthdays of my students. (I'm generally a worrier.)

But I always gave every child a card, sang happy birthday and gave them the opportunity to speak to the class about their birthday if they wanted to - never forced anyone to speak. If they had parties planned that day after school/weekends I would ask how it went. Same for children in the holidays. For children in the six week holiday - we would sing happy birthday to each child in our end of term party.

If a child had time off school with illness - I would ask if they were better when they returned. It's being interested in the welfare of children and modelling polite social behaviour.

Pyewackect · 25/04/2021 08:48

@ilovesooty

I'm having difficulty taking this seriously.
Me too.
Cookiecrisps · 25/04/2021 08:57

@MsTSwift

Gdpr Some people have August birthdays We are too busy 🙄 Poor teachers etc etc

All “reasons” given not to even mark in a minor way a small child’s birthday? You seriously think this is right?! Step back- honestly it’s all very sad. What’s going on in our schools? Cue aggressive teachers coming after me!

As I mentioned up thread, if a child tells me it’s their birthday we acknowledge it either as a whole class or a quiet, personal happy birthday depending on the child. We would not be allowed to give out sweets or cake as this has been allied before snd it became too competitive. Also children started to give sweets out for any reason not just birthdays e.g. I’ve come back from my holiday. It seems mean but to give out any food we need to check the food allergies list and go through all the ingredients on the food to check as we are liable if someone eats something they shouldn’t. Then if the food is unsuitable we need to provide an alternative from our own money (I’d rather use my own money for much needed resources, whole class treats and rewards which we do give out at the end of term.)

GDPR is constantly shoved down our throats where I work and we are micromanaged which is not good at all. I would not be allowed a birthday display as I’m not in Ks1 nor would we be allowed a birthday list taped on our teacher desk in case a visitor / parent came in and saw it. We have been told off for having a list of intervention groups on our desks with children’s initials on it in case parents see it. This is petty but in many schools teachers and TAs have very little autonomy. What you think teachers should be doing in schools isn’t always what they are allowed to do by senior management. As a PP said, schools have changed so much in the past 10 - 20 years.

Supergirl1958 · 25/04/2021 09:01

@MsTSwift

Well the world has gone officially mad. If those in charge of young children are “too busy” to mark their birthdays and you can’t put birthdays on the wall due to legislation 🙄🙄 well I give up. What a sad state of affairs!

No I dont feel sorry for teachers why would I? I feel sorry for the children having to spend their childhood in joyless places where you don’t even have your birthday noted by the adults in charge when you are 6! Somethings been lost here.

Nowhere in this thread has any teacher said they are too busy to mark birthdays!!! If a child comes into school and says it’s their birthday! It gets marked, we sing, we discuss presents, talk about cake it’s lovely! What we don’t have time for is to check a birthday display or remember them... you keep deliberately and I suspect to troll missing that point!!! I think it’s a shame that you have no compassion for teachers when your mum was one. Perhaps you need to have a discussion with any teachers you know and discuss the pressures we/they are under before you continue to be rude and ignorant on this thread!!
chocpott · 25/04/2021 09:02

I have 12 children (Reception) in my class and at the start of the year I write each child's birthday down in my diary. That way I remember each birthday. No big deal, takes 5 minutes and means so much to the child when we celebrate their birthday. As a teacher, I would welcome an email from the parent as I would be upset that I had missed a child's special day and would like to mark the occasion as soon as possible. Birthdays are very important to children Wink

Cookiecrisps · 25/04/2021 09:12

@chocpott with respect, I’d have more time to do this too in a class of 12 children. I have 32 children. It is still nice to wish each child a happy birthday though if they mention it and discuss their birthday plans which is what most teachers on here are saying happens in their schools.

chocpott · 25/04/2021 09:12

Oh, and we are allowed a train/balloons/whatever to show months and birthdays in my school but just with a photo and no name.

chocpott · 25/04/2021 09:14

@Cookiecrisps the OP said there are 12 children in her child's class, that's why I mentioned the 12. I have also done it with a class of 39 and every number in between.

MsTSwift · 25/04/2021 09:14

Troll?! Why do we have to have compassion for teachers? All very strange.

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 25/04/2021 09:18

@MsTSwift No response to my reply re funding? Thought not.

Cookiecrisps · 25/04/2021 09:25

@chocpott I mentioned 32 children as the thread has now been extrapolated to all schools not just the op’s situation.

Supergirl1958 · 25/04/2021 09:26

@MsTSwift

Troll?! Why do we have to have compassion for teachers? All very strange.
@MsTSwift...what would you call deliberately winding people up and ignoring valid points.

Why don’t you show compassion for teachers out of interest? Why do you continually look for reasons to be horrible? I’m not convinced your mum was a teacher, because surely you would be sympathetic to the plight having experienced growing up with your mum as a teacher?

MsTSwift · 25/04/2021 09:36

I didn’t vote for this government and think the lack of funding appalling and have tried to address this personally at some personal cost.

I feel compassion for those that need it a profession of adults isn’t top of the list sorry.

Yes I do think it’s a shame that things that make life enjoyable for children are forbidden by crackpot legislation.

EmeraldShamrock · 25/04/2021 09:42

Nowhere in this thread has any teacher said they are too busy to mark birthdays!!!
I'm not going to RTFT again to highlight copy/paste. I assure you many teachers said they don't have time to mark birthdays.

MsTSwift · 25/04/2021 09:42

Sorry but they bloody did.