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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect a teacher (primary) to know my DC DOB and congratulate on the day?

665 replies

LardiLaLardiLi · 22/04/2021 21:19

My DS had a birthday today and his teacher hasn't said anything. I'm not sure if it's a done thing to congratulate kids in class on their birthday, though. It was when I was in school (different country). He said the school didn't know it was his BD today (he was there since nursery) and he said it didn't bother him, but he's quite shy and difficult to read, so I think he was hurt but wouldn't admit it.
WIBU to expect a teacher to say "Happy Birthday"? And would you drop a line to the teacher to remind them?

OP posts:
Butwasitherdriveway · 23/04/2021 23:09

@parsnipsnotsprouts

You give them a badge. My dd usually wears at least three and refuses to take them off for a week. You also send Haribo or similar in for them to give out. So really this is your fault
No, don't do this.
wingsnthat · 23/04/2021 23:27

It was my birthday this week too

I know birthdays are more major for kids, but I think it’s okay for it to slip someone’s mind this year. We’ve had a historic year and restrictions have only just eased - it’s not surprising if there’s other things on his teacher’s mind.

lavenderlou · 23/04/2021 23:29

Bizarre premise anyway as most of my kids tell me if it's their granny's birthday let alone their own

This! And usually I will get several reminders in the days running up to Granny's birthday that this important event is coming up.

Dreamingofbeergardens · 24/04/2021 02:42

We have a list of all the birthdays in the school on the register which come up when you go into Scholar Pack. Before covid times the children got sent a card from the school office which was also a brilliant reminder. Hopefully that starts again soon!
I don't buy the children anything but always sing them happy birthday and give them birthday cheers. Although the TA and I did go out and buy a little cake last year for a poor boy with issues at home, in that week before schools closed last March. There were only about 5 of them in and he loved it!
The staff also get a card sent to them (including those of us with August birthdays just before the term ends! Wink )

SixDegrees · 24/04/2021 05:19

@MsTSwift

Little your post is slightly insane. The gist is because your own birthday (you being an adult!) is in August you make a point of not marking any of your young pupils birthdays?! Very odd!

No one is expecting teachers to take the whole class to pizza express on them but a class happy birthday or when I was a kid a plaster of Paris fair birthday cake is well a nice thing if you are 6 and it’s your birthday!

I can see where Little’s coming from TBH.

It’s not very fair on August born children, or other children with birthdays that are always in the holidays, if the school’s one that makes a big fuss about birthdays.

Jamboree01 · 24/04/2021 05:37

Good god. If a child comes into primary school and says it’s their birthday, teachers say happy birthday and might get the class to sing happy birthday.

Remember, covid guidelines stopped singing for a time.

Would you like teachers to send a sing a gram to your house in August. Honestly, do you not think they have enough on???

This thread is ridiculous.

MsTSwift · 24/04/2021 06:28

My sister is an August birthday and we all thought how lucky she was as we were always on holiday not at not at school. Had an end of term party.

Again not marking a birthday at school (nothing fancy just all acknowledging it for what 2 minutes maybe a plastic cake) because some kids “miss out” is a shame. These are small children birthdays a big deal. Quite surprised by some of the misery guts responses!

BadMudda · 24/04/2021 06:39

I can see it from your opinion, absolutely, but most certainly I don't think you should email them. Not at all.

When it was lockdown, our school emailed me on my Sons birthday wishing him a happy birthday. Meant the world.

I just think it's a bit meh. It takes two seconds to wish a child a happy birthday but if they're going into school without a badge/ hat, whatever, it's a bit unreasonable to
expect a teacher to know it's their birthday.

Jamboree01 · 24/04/2021 06:45

‘AIBU to expect a teacher (primary) to know my DC DOB and congratulate on the day?’

This was the question. Yes a parent a parent is BU to expect a teacher to know every child’s DOB.

Most will wish a child happy birthday once they are aware.

No, they do not need to provide a plastic cake as that will upset the August parents.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 24/04/2021 07:41

@lavenderlou

Bizarre premise anyway as most of my kids tell me if it's their granny's birthday let alone their own

This! And usually I will get several reminders in the days running up to Granny's birthday that this important event is coming up.

And numerous requests to let and help them make a card . Grin
Kollamoolitumarellipawkyrollo · 24/04/2021 07:44

I put it in my planning under events on that week and put bunting up. Birthdays are a big deal for lots of children so I try and remember.

sue20 · 24/04/2021 07:58

I suppose it’s nice for the child but some adults I know still expect their bd to be a massive occasion. I was born in the 50s all these things unheard of in school. If a child said it was their birthday teacher might smile and congratulate. In the playground there might be “what did you get” conversation.

MrsPumpkinPie · 24/04/2021 08:23

Tbh I’m a bit shocked by the amount of people here expressing shock and ridicule. It’s hardly an enormous amount of ‘extra work’ to have a class ‘birthday list’ either on the wall (my sons’ London state primary had this) or for the teacher to just write the 30 names into their class diary at the beginning of each year, is it? And just give a verbal ‘Happy Birthday’ to whoever’s birthday it might be on any given day, whilst going through the register? Birthdays are important, especially to children, some of whom may not get much attention on their birthday at home, or be sent in wearing a badge or throwing a party. I actually think it is really important that every child can have this annual moment of acknowledgment within the community of their classroom. It might be the only thing that marks the passing of another year in their life.

MsTSwift · 24/04/2021 08:26

Absolutely agree MrsPumpkin. It’s been done in every primary I’ve had experience of - both my own and kids.

That said no chance of school or indeed anyone within a 2 mile radius being unaware of either of my twos birthdays when they were at primary!

MrsPumpkinPie · 24/04/2021 08:27

... and those whose birthdays fall in holidays can be mentioned at end of/beginning of term so as not to miss out

FancySomeChips · 24/04/2021 08:44

I have a birthday chart in the wall- it’s beautiful.
Do I have time to check it each day just in case??
No!

Why didn’t your child tell the teacher?!

The teachers job is to educate your child. Not to parent them.
You clearly have no idea the pressure we under in normal times, let alone post lockdown.

C8H10N4O2 · 24/04/2021 08:47

@Littlescottiedog

Yes, I'm bitter. Yes, it still hurts. Yes, I'm aware I sound completely immature. But my daughter's birthday is Boxing Day and I just know that she is going to suffer in the same way as people are busy for Christmas and no-one is ever going to come to a party on her actual birthday. I am fully expecting everyone, teachers included, not to wish her happy birthday either before or after the holiday. Because people get busy and actually have other things to think about

Its not ridiculous. You just described the exact experience of one of my siblings and two of my own DC.

No its not the biggest issue in the world but making a big performance of it for some children whilst always excluding teaches that its fine for some people to be excluded through no fault of their own.

Send in sweets or a badge for your own child if you want but its not reasonable to expect the class teacher to lay on a performance and prizes.

daisypond · 24/04/2021 08:57

What if most of the class don’t celebrate birthdays? Wouldn’t it be odd to pick out the few that do?

Kollamoolitumarellipawkyrollo · 24/04/2021 09:00

@daisypond

What if most of the class don’t celebrate birthdays? Wouldn’t it be odd to pick out the few that do?
That’s unlikely to happen surely?
MsTSwift · 24/04/2021 09:05

Don’t think anyone advocating “a big performance” or the teacher whisking out a knickerbocker glory with sparklers for each birthday 🙄. Just seems mean not to acknowledge a birthday at all if everyone is there!

Also if a child who is lucky enough to have a birthday in the holidays (mine Oct half term which I thought was great) suffers lifelong trauma from missing out on a class singing them happy birthday - well they have bigger issues frankly!

daisypond · 24/04/2021 09:06

My DC went to a primary where most didn’t celebrate their birthdays - lots of Muslim pupils.

MsTSwift · 24/04/2021 09:09

Surely any half sentient teacher would “read the room” on that though. We extremely non multicultural here (rural south west) so birthdays are big deals.

babyinthacorner · 24/04/2021 09:12

I try to remember the birthdays of children in my class. We have a birthday chart on the wall that the children made themselves (Reception, so most need to be taught when their birthday is!)
However the life of a teacher is crazy, and I do forget. Usually the children or parents remind me and if they didn’t and I missed it I would be absolutely mortified.

babyinthacorner · 24/04/2021 09:14

I should add that this year, due to Covid, I’ve been organising an in school birthday party at the end of each term so the children get to have some kind of party with their friends. All the children who’ve had birthdays that term get sung to and we have games and dancing and party food. I might carry on with that post-Covid actually, it’s nice to have some party time!

C8H10N4O2 · 24/04/2021 09:27

Don’t think anyone advocating “a big performance”

On this thread people have advocated the birthday child being given cards, break time parties, special privileges for the day and cake/gifts from the teacher. Also claims that its an important part about learning to be a community and sharing (but not with everyone obviously).

Also if a child [...] suffers lifelong trauma from missing out on a class singing them happy birthday - well they have bigger issues frankly!

Which of course nobody has actually said.

The fuss being advocated by many posters on this thread is a lesson that its ok to leave some children (usually the youngest in the class) out of fun activities through no fault of their own. Is that what you want a school to be teaching young children?

Either make something that applies to all or don't do it.