AIBU to expect a teacher (primary) to know my DC DOB and congratulate on the day?

[LardiLaLardiLi]

My DS had a birthday today and his teacher hasn't said anything. I'm not sure if it's a done thing to congratulate kids in class on their birthday, though. It was when I was in school (different country). He said the school didn't know it was his BD today (he was there since nursery) and he said it didn't bother him, but he's quite shy and difficult to read, so I think he was hurt but wouldn't admit it.
WIBU to expect a teacher to say "Happy Birthday"? And would you drop a line to the teacher to remind them?

[SherbrookeFosterer]

I struggle to remember my children's birthdays.

I wouldn't expect anyone else to.

They normally have to leave a big hint, like bring some wrapping paper and a gift label and plonk it in my study somewhere prominent.

[IbrahimaRedTwo]

I thought you were playing a game of ludicrously exaggerating the point for no good reason so I joined in.
That's how your post read anyway.

[JosieJasper]

IbrahimaRedTwo I didn’t see my post mention a party, just them all coming together to say happy birthday...but you carry on and make it more dramatic for your enjoyment. OP was the one expecting a teacher to remember each kid’s birthday. That wouldn’t be my priority in a school but obviously if the child mentions it’s their birthday...which they usually do, then a happy birthday is fine but surely this is not worthy of “an email to the school” jeez!!

[IbrahimaRedTwo]

@JosieJasper

I can’t work out whether this is real but my DD has her birthday in August...should I ask the teacher and kids to pop into school that day in the middle of the summer holidays so she can be made a fuss of and wished a happy birthday by everyone? Surely it wouldn’t be fair if she missed out

Yeah, that's exactly what people are saying. The teacher saying happy birthday to a kid in front of them is exactly the same as making an out of school trip specially to your house to throw a party for your child.

[Spiderplants]

My dc school have a wall chart and every birthday is celebrated. It’s really important I think, particularly as some of the pupils come from homes where the parents don’t acknowledge their big day. It’s good pastoral care in my opinion and certainly not a new invention,it was done at my primary school years ago.

[MrsDrSpencerReid]

At our school (in Aus) each classroom has a birthday chart on the wall with the students birthdays on it.

Normally you bring in cupcakes that get handed out at lunch or recess but obviously not at the moment with Covid.

Last year my DS was in year 5 and you got to choose a birthday song on YouTube and the teacher played it on the smart board.

I did vote YABU though as I wouldn’t contact the school over it.

Hope he had a lovely birthday

[Anitarest]

MrsTSwift If you don’t do the job, you have no idea what it involves. Having a mother who is a teacher, if you actually do, doesn’t make you an expert.
Having a mother who is a dentist doesn’t mean you’d be willing to let me loose on your teeth.
If a child comes in and says it’s their birthday, or arrives wearing a badge, or I’m told by all the friends who are going to the birthday child’s party, which often happens, then we say or sing happy birthday (rules permitting).

[terrimom]

Wow, I'm surprised how many moms here said the school/teacher don't bother to congratulate or acknowledge children's birthdays in their classroom. Maybe this is a cultural difference? (I'm in the US and it is standard here for the teacher to have a list of students birthdays and to at least acknowledge the day.) It seems such a simple thing for the teacher (especially now - it is so simple to create a list at the beginning of the term with each child's birthdate.) When my kids were in primary grades we would send in treats for the class, but that is frowned upon now because of allergies and the sugar police, but the class still says Happy Birthday individually or on a weekly basis for all the students celebrating that week. The teacher would usually ask the office staff for the birthday list at the beginning of the year and have a list displayed in the classroom of the birthdays for the year. This was discontinued in middle and high school.

[JosieJasper]

I can’t work out whether this is real but my DD has her birthday in August...should I ask the teacher and kids to pop into school that day in the middle of the summer holidays so she can be made a fuss of and wished a happy birthday by everyone? Surely it wouldn’t be fair if she missed out

[Trolleywool]

Depends on the school, we read them out once a month in assembly for the month (the only ones that miss out in their birthday month are August who we do at the end of year assembly) and everyone sings happy birthday once; and then at classroom level if someone wears a badge in etc will sing happy birthday on the day, but if not everyone has had some sort of mention.

[BobISMyUncle]

Wow. I'm shutting up, in case Mumsnet shut me up.
Actually, I don't care. My daughter is a primary teacher, and is amazed at how many children can't spell their own names, never mind anything else. Teachers are increasingly becoming glorified (free) babysitters. I am standing up, to be shot down. Birthdays? Really? Off you go, fire at me! LOL! Be honest, how many times have you sent your children into school, knowing that they are not well?

[helpIhateclothesshopping]

Unless they have gone to the trouble at the beginning of the year to make a birthday chart of all the kids birthdays to display on the wall, there is not really any way they would know on the day unless the kids themselves talk about it to excess or it is a significant date for them personally. Generally they are too busy teaching and filling in copious amounts of paperwork to think about it

[LesMills]

Send DC in wearing a badge to draw attention- then most school adults make comment.
It can be a bit sensitive to make a point of recognising as a teacher as many birthdays fall in school holidays. It becomes an equalities issue to then recognise some and not others. Easier to recognise if attention is obviously drawn to it- it’s clear attention is then wanted!

[AccidentallyOnPurpose]

@EmeraldShamrock

I don't think it was anyone's fault just an oversight.
OP I'd try build his confidence in other ways, maybe a team sport if he is suffering shyness.

That part bothers me more as a parent and school staff ,than the teacher not knowing.

I actually told the OP pages ago it's reasonable to be worried as to why her child didn't say anything or tried to possibly hide it was his birthday (by hiding the badge) and to talk to the teacher how he is socially,confidence,does he have any friends etc.

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

I'm going to be a real misery and suggest sweets should be banned.

A lot of schools already have but not because of people not being able to afford them. Children bringing in food to share is a complete logistical nightmare. You have children who:
-can’t have nuts/traces of nuts
-can’t have milk
-can’t have gluten
-can’t have animal products
-are diabetic
...

The list is endless. As the teacher, I am privy to the dietary needs of my class and know who can’t have what. When I want to give out chocolate/sweets for advent, I have to make sure I meet all of those requirements. Some years it’s easier and cheaper to buy a small gift instead. I also always insist that they wait until they’re with their adult before eating it in case I’ve missed something.

[SionnachRua]

@EmeraldShamrock

It obviously does vary from school to school, both schools my DC attended are heavy handed on healthy eating, they're allowed a treat on a Friday, school organises any treats for example they'll have cookies with hot chocolate at Christmas, earn a listening lolly etc.
It is a poor area and would create an obvious divide in the DC who couldn't participate.

Ah good, so we're in agreement then that it's not a sweet ban across Ireland.

I don't mind them bringing in packets of sweets to share as long as the parents make provisions for kids who can't have those sweets. Like sending in a little bag of buttons for a Muslim child if the class are getting Haribo. I've been known to send the sweets home again if they don't do that, on the understanding they can bring them in once they've provided for all. And entire cakes are ridiculous, instant no from me.

[AccidentallyOnPurpose]

@daisypond

I’m astonished by people sending in sweets or cake. That’s really not on.

Why not?

[Supergirl1958]

Sorry *not having

[Supergirl1958]

@daisypond

I’m astonished by people sending in sweets or cake. That’s really not on.

Why isn’t it? Would you really celebrate a birthday by having not having cake or sweets?

[daisypond]

I’m astonished by people sending in sweets or cake. That’s really not on.

[CoconutChair]

Did you send in sweets for the class or a badge on your DC’s jumper?

[EmeraldShamrock]

It obviously does vary from school to school, both schools my DC attended are heavy handed on healthy eating, they're allowed a treat on a Friday, school organises any treats for example they'll have cookies with hot chocolate at Christmas, earn a listening lolly etc.
It is a poor area and would create an obvious divide in the DC who couldn't participate.

[SionnachRua]

Not all parents can afford sweets to take in. I'm going to be a real misery and suggest sweets should be banned. It doesn't really happen in Ireland, maybe one DC every few years will bring in party bags.

Hard disagree on that, I teach in Ireland and I'd say at least 50% of kids bring in a pack of sweets to share around on their birthday. It may vary from school to school.

[EmeraldShamrock]

If a child wanted to let people know it was their birthday, they'd have a badge on and take in sweets. If they didn't, they wouldn't and so the teacher wouldn't need to worry about it. Not all parents can afford sweets to take in. I'm going to be a real misery and suggest sweets should be banned. It doesn't really happen in Ireland, maybe one DC every few years will bring in party bags.

[EmeraldShamrock]

I don't think it was anyone's fault just an oversight.
OP I'd try build his confidence in other ways, maybe a team sport if he is suffering shyness.